adults who live off their parents' money secretly annoy me (and i don't understand them)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL basically relies on my MIL for almost everything. Mortgage, stuff for kids, etc. etc. On the one hand, it can be frustrating to see grown adults get so much help. On the other, I just remind myself that at least we are self sufficient and don't NEED the help. It grates when the grandkids do stuff and SIL's kids get paid for by MIL and the rest of us have to pay for our own kids, but again, I just try to remind myself it's much better to have to pay because you're ABLE than to have to rely on your mom and dad.

This would bother me. If grandparents have that kind of disposable income and want to spend some on grandchildren while they are alive rather it all being an inheritance one day, more power to them. But I think it needs to be equal. Not child that child A has made poor choices so we do everything for them and child B is self sufficient so we do nothing.

As for the original post if the kids are working, being responsible, and treat it as a gift, not an expectation, I don't have an issue. Nothing like the example but my in-laws have done small things. They helped out a little with the wedding, they buy clothes and books for the kids, they took us on a nice family vacation. Would life have gone on without those things, yes, but we appreciate it. Both my Dh and I were raised with the idea you get a car when you can buy it yourselves and you don't stay on parents car insurance after college. In a weird way, if kids need it and are dependent than it can be a bad thing, if they don't need it and it us an unexpected gift for the family, I see less of an issue

[Anonymous]

I'd be fine if one day I was so successful that I could provide money for a nice house, great schools, etc etc for my child (and grandchild?). Even when she is 40 with kids of her own. My goal in life is for my kid to be better off that I am (was)...even though I'm doing just fine.

I work hard to provide for my family, and I'm not of the opinion that stops when my family grows up one day.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the lucky ones whose parents are "helping". It has allowed us to buy a lovely home in a good community with great schools. I never need to worry about college for my children, or if my DH or I lose our jobs, we will not lose our house. Do I expect this? No. I am lucky that my parents have worked hard, been lucky themselves, and rather than just sitting on all their money, they are using it to help their children and grandchildren. When they are no longer with us, my DH and I will use the money we left us to help secure our children's and our grandchildren's futures.

We are not living off my parents' money, but it does help things along. I would never, NEVER rub it in anyone's face, spend it lavishly, or flaunt this fact. I am sure most of our friends know my parents are helping us, and I would be sad if they were bitter about it...but I won't apologize for the gifts my parents give us, nor take them for granted.

OP, venting is good for the soul. I hope you feel better. But please guard against letting this eat into your life.

[Anonymous]

We do it all on our own. Money from parents, grandparents, etc. always comes with strings attached and we want NONE of that.

It also feels really good to know we are doing it all on our own.

We are both so proud of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the lucky ones whose parents are "helping". It has allowed us to buy a lovely home in a good community with great schools. I never need to worry about college for my children, or if my DH or I lose our jobs, we will not lose our house. Do I expect this? No. I am lucky that my parents have worked hard, been lucky themselves, and rather than just sitting on all their money, they are using it to help their children and grandchildren. When they are no longer with us, my DH and I will use the money we left us to help secure our children's and our grandchildren's futures.

We are not living off my parents' money, but it does help things along. I would never, NEVER rub it in anyone's face, spend it lavishly, or flaunt this fact. I am sure most of our friends know my parents are helping us, and I would be sad if they were bitter about it...but I won't apologize for the gifts my parents give us, nor take them for granted.

OP, venting is good for the soul. I hope you feel better. But please guard against letting this eat into your life.

Well said. It sounds like you are lucky indeed.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- My parents bought me a $950k condo when I turned 25. They also bought me a car and paid my rent until I had my condo. I work and went to college.

My parents said it was because that is how it's done with 'old money' and that you pass it on to the next generation while you are still alive and also avoid paying taxes by giving a one-time gift? I don't really understand it, but I'm very grateful.

They also did this for all my siblings.

I work really hard and having my condo paid for allows me to live here while earning less money, but working job I really really love (bring a nanny!).

[Anonymous]

*being not bring!

[Anonymous]

I have seen too many people "ruined" by family money...and no I am not bitter, I am part of the 1%. For the men especially, their sense of self worth seems to be effected by receiving family money(e.g., not as successful as daddy/grandpa, etc., general dissatisfaction with life/lack of purpose for those who no longer need to work). Not a single one of my friends who have not worked and been successful on their own merits are satisfied with their lives in the long run and they seem to have higher divorce rates.

[Anonymous]

Let it go, OP. Channel your envy energy toward making your own dreams come true. This enviousness isn't making you happy, and it's not healthy. You only live life once - do you want to look back on these years and realize you spent your energy coveting other people's lives?

I'm in a position where a number of people have/continue to covet what I have and what I've achieved. Their attitudes haven't been pleasant for me to experience, but it's worked out worse for them. They seem to get caught up in their unhappy thoughts focusing on what I and other people have that they don't have, and then they don't end up accomplishing all the great things they could have accomplished. Don't do this to yourself, OP. As I wrote above, you only live life once. Make it a joy for yourself and for the people around you.

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled if my parents could help us like your examples.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I agree with you 100%, and I come from a family who WILL offer to help out with some big expenses. I borrowed $20K once and paid it back.

That was that.

Adults who are not self-sufficient make me ill, and I blame THEIR parents for enabling this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I agree with you 100%, and I come from a family who WILL offer to help out with some big expenses. I borrowed $20K once and paid it back.

That was that.

Adults who are not self-sufficient make me ill, and I blame THEIR parents for enabling this behavior.

And some people would look at you and say you had family help as well, so why are you complaining? You borrowed money from family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- My parents bought me a $950k condo when I turned 25. They also bought me a car and paid my rent until I had my condo. I work and went to college.

My parents said it was because that is how it's done with 'old money' and that you pass it on to the next generation while you are still alive and also avoid paying taxes by giving a one-time gift? I don't really understand it, but I'm very grateful.

They also did this for all my siblings.

I work really hard and having my condo paid for allows me to live here while earning less money, but working job I really really love (bring a nanny!).

Did they pay for your home in cash or are they paying the mortgage? What expenses do you pay for?

I don't have an issue at all with families who do this. Just curious how it works out. I would LOVE to work because I loved what I did and didn't have to worry about money.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I am stunned you know what you know about these folks. Vent away. I have no issue with it. Lucky them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I agree with you 100%, and I come from a family who WILL offer to help out with some big expenses. I borrowed $20K once and paid it back.

That was that.

Adults who are not self-sufficient make me ill, and I blame THEIR parents for enabling this behavior.

It makes you ill? Really? You're the one with the problem if the way other people choose to live their lives affects your health so deeply.