adults who live off their parents' money secretly annoy me (and i don't understand them)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny pp, did this old, old money start in North America?

No, I'm first generation American.

[Anonymous]

OP, at the end of the day you can hold your head high and be proud that you are an independent adult. Everything you have you earned. I would be horrified to be in my 40s and cannot support my lifestyle but that's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, at the end of the day you can hold your head high and be proud that you are an independent adult. Everything you have you earned. I would be horrified to be in my 40s and cannot support my lifestyle but that's me.

But OP already admitted later in the thread that she HASN'T earned everything she has.

Basically, it boils down to her being jealous that others received more help from mommy and daddy than she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at the end of the day you can hold your head high and be proud that you are an independent adult. Everything you have you earned. I would be horrified to be in my 40s and cannot support my lifestyle but that's me.

But OP already admitted later in the thread that she HASN'T earned everything she has.

Basically, it boils down to her being jealous that others received more help from mommy and daddy than she did.

OP here and I'm not sure why I'm responding.
The money we received from my husband's parents (100K) was between him and them. It caused a major rift in our marriage. I was categorically opposed to it. It is still an issue between us 8 years later. Someone said, "you might have been opposed to it, but you took it.". No, I did not, he did.

We have since immediately turned down offers of help (from both our parents) for private school tuition, vacations, and college funds for our children.

[Anonymous]

"The money we received from my husband's parents (100K) was between him and them. It caused a major rift in our marriage. I was categorically opposed to it. It is still an issue between us 8 years later. Someone said, "you might have been opposed to it, but you took it.". No, I did not, he did."

Wait, you don't live in the house this money was used to purchase?

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the posts, but have a few thoughts to throw out. I think in some cases there is a cultural aspect to it. My parents did not come from any wealth, but in our culture we look out for family and you make sacrifices so you can help make life easier for the next generation. They both inherited some money even though there wasn't much money growing up. Their parents saved and even invested to make sure something was left for them to buffer against any adversity that might come their way.

My parents have chipped in for things like speech therapy when the cost of out of pocket iuntervention was too much. We save money on a lot of things so we can one day put our children through college and hopefully provide them with some buffer help when we are alive and when we pass.

I don't know much about Greek culture, but I do have a friend who is Greek who's parents bought them a home so they could be close by and it is nice to have all the generations together.

Something to keep in mind..sometimes families help out so a mother can do the work of SAHM when there is a child with illness or disability.

Yes, sometimes people get really lucky, but I do think everyone will face their knocks one way or another and if everything has been handed to you the fall can be a lot harder.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like there are some nice unselfish boomer parent s but this isn't the norm. There was a time when parents would help out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at the end of the day you can hold your head high and be proud that you are an independent adult. Everything you have you earned. I would be horrified to be in my 40s and cannot support my lifestyle but that's me.

But OP already admitted later in the thread that she HASN'T earned everything she has.

Basically, it boils down to her being jealous that others received more help from mommy and daddy than she did.

OP here and I'm not sure why I'm responding.
The money we received from my husband's parents (100K) was between him and them. It caused a major rift in our marriage. I was categorically opposed to it. It is still an issue between us 8 years later. Someone said, "you might have been opposed to it, but you took it.". No, I did not, he did.

We have since immediately turned down offers of help (from both our parents) for private school tuition, vacations, and college funds for our children.

Long term things like private school tuition, okay. But what is the virtue in denying your children generous gifts like college and vacations from their grandparents? This just seems ridiculous to me, too extreme. You seem like you have a bit of a screw loose...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at the end of the day you can hold your head high and be proud that you are an independent adult. Everything you have you earned. I would be horrified to be in my 40s and cannot support my lifestyle but that's me.

But OP already admitted later in the thread that she HASN'T earned everything she has.

Basically, it boils down to her being jealous that others received more help from mommy and daddy than she did.

OP here and I'm not sure why I'm responding.
The money we received from my husband's parents (100K) was between him and them. It caused a major rift in our marriage. I was categorically opposed to it. It is still an issue between us 8 years later. Someone said, "you might have been opposed to it, but you took it.". No, I did not, he did.

We have since immediately turned down offers of help (from both our parents) for private school tuition, vacations, and college funds for our children.

Long term things like private school tuition, okay. But what is the virtue in denying your children generous gifts like college and vacations from their grandparents? This just seems ridiculous to me, too extreme. You seem like you have a bit of a screw loose...

ITA. Nuts. I would much rather give money to our children and grandchildren than spend it on whatever that I don't need. My money, I can do what I want. And yeah, I give plenty to charity, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But OP already admitted later in the thread that she HASN'T earned everything she has.

Basically, it boils down to her being jealous that others received more help from mommy and daddy than she did.

OP here and I'm not sure why I'm responding.
The money we received from my husband's parents (100K) was between him and them. It caused a major rift in our marriage. I was categorically opposed to it. It is still an issue between us 8 years later. Someone said, "you might have been opposed to it, but you took it.". No, I did not, he did.

We have since immediately turned down offers of help (from both our parents) for private school tuition, vacations, and college funds for our children.

Long term things like private school tuition, okay. But what is the virtue in denying your children generous gifts like college and vacations from their grandparents? This just seems ridiculous to me, too extreme. You seem like you have a bit of a screw loose...

I agree. OP, it does seem like you have some sort of problem. I can understand the reasoning behind vacations and even private school tuition, but saying no to the college fund...

[Anonymous]

OP:

we are quite capable of saving for our children's college educations and take pride in doing so and our parents (while exceedingly generous in offering) do not have limitless financial resources. We feel that deserve to spend their money on themselves in retirement if we are able and capable of providing for ourselves and saving for our children.

[Anonymous]

Well, the one thing this thread has been good for has been to remind me to never, ever mention anything about how we afforded this house... I'll just smile silently when my friends walk in and raise their eyebrows (which they do, because we inherited enough money for a kick-ass renovation). I feel weird about it, so part of me wants to blurt out an explanation, but what if I know OP in real life and she sits around fuming about me and my luck? Silent smile it is!

[Anonymous]

I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

we are quite capable of saving for our children's college educations and take pride in doing so and our parents (while exceedingly generous in offering) do not have limitless financial resources. We feel that deserve to spend their money on themselves in retirement if we are able and capable of providing for ourselves and saving for our children.

OP, you sound more and more ridiculous with every post. Your in laws' money is theirs to spend. You're a SAHM, so when you talk about providing for your own children financially, you're talking about your husband providing for them, no? To deny your children money for college or trips with their grandparents is ridiculous. It seems YOU have a rift with your in laws and are using this fake high horse as a reason to not be dependent on them. And your kids lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

What do you suggest beneficiaries do? Turn the money down? I inherited a large sum and I'm extremely grateful. My husband and I both work, also. So who are you to judge?