Older Moms with Babies-Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whooaaaa. People have gone WAY overboard!!!

The fact that so many people became indignant, mean-spirited, and downright nasty says more about THEIR immaturity than that of the OP!

Get a grip ladies!!!

I disagree. I think the replies were pretty much what you could expect when you post something inflammatory on an anonymous board.

And really, don't you think calling people indignant, mean, nasty and immature is just as bad as all the previous posts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is the grandma thing so insulting? Are there not pleanty of grandma's in their 40's? It's not like she is stating something untrue.

You can't figure out why calling an older mom a grandma is insulting? I'm really puzzled by that. And I have no idea where you are from, but where I grew up, there weren't any 40 year old grandmas except maybe the one girl that got pregnant senior year of high school.

I have known several people who have had their children in their early 20's, and so have their children, making them grandparents in their early 40's. These people do exist, and they exist in this area. They are well educated, and successful too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few seniors here seem to be a bit menopausal-no? I remember when my mom was going through it, she was so up and down all the time.

And a 20 year old is so emotionally stable and mature- I'm not a senior .. but you are an idiot.

I think this is the OP.

Which one - the 2nd post? I'm in NO WAY the Op- in fact- on the camp that OP is an immature person who has no grasp on life and is hoping to make herself feel better with something like this..

The 1st post!

[Anonymous]

When I was in my 20s and early 30s...I partied like a rock star, travelled the world and had an incredibly awesome career (still do). When I hit 35, I got bored with that lifestyle, got married and had my first child just shy of 40. I look back at my life and always smile at some off the phenomenal experiences I had. And I am glad that I was young enough to get away with most of them!

The fun continues with my toddler and I have no regrets. I wouldn't think about posting this type of question, as the OP did. If you read between the lines, the OP had a malicious intent and obviously has some insecurities. She wants to bring everyone down with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the grandma thing so insulting? Are there not pleanty of grandma's in their 40's? It's not like she is stating something untrue.

You can't figure out why calling an older mom a grandma is insulting? I'm really puzzled by that. And I have no idea where you are from, but where I grew up, there weren't any 40 year old grandmas except maybe the one girl that got pregnant senior year of high school.

I have known several people who have had their children in their early 20's, and so have their children, making them grandparents in their early 40's. These people do exist, and they exist in this area. They are well educated, and successful too.

Agreed! And I'm the poster who had her first at 40. My mom had me at 22, just out of college (yes, she ACTUALLY is educated and had a very long career at IBM, retired at 55 and collects a very nice retirement and is now in her early 60s and spends her days golfing in the winter in FL and summers in NY) and if I had followed in her foot steps, she would have been a grandma at 44. Not strange to me at all. I actually think she had/has a pretty good life. She thinks I'm nuts for having kids at 40 and always pestered me to hurry up and get married and pregnant. When I am her age, I'll just have recovered from the "terrible teens".

As an older mom, I just simply do not take offence, no one knows what I look like sitting behind the computer, I think I look great and that is all that really matters. I have mom friends who are in their 20s and I have mom friends in their 50s-so what? I take more offence to the VERY NASTY posters who equate having children in their early 20s to hill-billies or ghetto trash. It's just not becoming behavior of a "mature woman"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the grandma thing so insulting? Are there not pleanty of grandma's in their 40's? It's not like she is stating something untrue.

I have known several people who have had their children in their early 20's, and so have their children, making them grandparents in their early 40's. These people do exist, and they exist in this area. They are well educated, and successful too.

Agreed! And I'm the poster who had her first at 40. My mom had me at 22, just out of college (yes, she ACTUALLY is educated and had a very long career at IBM, retired at 55 and collects a very nice retirement and is now in her early 60s and spends her days golfing in the winter in FL and summers in NY) and if I had followed in her foot steps, she would have been a grandma at 44. Not strange to me at all. I actually think she had/has a pretty good life. She thinks I'm nuts for having kids at 40 and always pestered me to hurry up and get married and pregnant. When I am her age, I'll just have recovered from the "terrible teens".

As an older mom, I just simply do not take offence, no one knows what I look like sitting behind the computer, I think I look great and that is all that really matters. I have mom friends who are in their 20s and I have mom friends in their 50s-so what? I take more offence to the VERY NASTY posters who equate having children in their early 20s to hill-billies or ghetto trash. It's just not becoming behavior of a "mature woman"

You're mother is of a different generation. It is not the norm for the current generation to marry straight out of college. Generations ago, women married at 16 and 18 and died at 40. It's also unlikely for many men and women to retire at 55 in this generation. We're talking about the here and now - the current generation of women. Don't mix apples & oranges.

As far as nasty posters, the OP began her thread with an insensitive mean tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the grandma thing so insulting? Are there not pleanty of grandma's in their 40's? It's not like she is stating something untrue.

I have known several people who have had their children in their early 20's, and so have their children, making them grandparents in their early 40's. These people do exist, and they exist in this area. They are well educated, and successful too.

Agreed! And I'm the poster who had her first at 40. My mom had me at 22, just out of college (yes, she ACTUALLY is educated and had a very long career at IBM, retired at 55 and collects a very nice retirement and is now in her early 60s and spends her days golfing in the winter in FL and summers in NY) and if I had followed in her foot steps, she would have been a grandma at 44. Not strange to me at all. I actually think she had/has a pretty good life. She thinks I'm nuts for having kids at 40 and always pestered me to hurry up and get married and pregnant. When I am her age, I'll just have recovered from the "terrible teens".

As an older mom, I just simply do not take offence, no one knows what I look like sitting behind the computer, I think I look great and that is all that really matters. I have mom friends who are in their 20s and I have mom friends in their 50s-so what? I take more offence to the VERY NASTY posters who equate having children in their early 20s to hill-billies or ghetto trash. It's just not becoming behavior of a "mature woman"

You're mother is of a different generation. It is not the norm for the current generation to marry straight out of college. Generations ago, women married at 16 and 18 and died at 40. It's also unlikely for many men and women to retire at 55 in this generation. We're talking about the here and now - the current generation of women. Don't mix apples & oranges.

As far as nasty posters, the OP began her thread with an insensitive mean tone.

Women still get married right out of college, have babies, and still have successful careers. My sister did.

[Anonymous]

The PP is right. I have a friend that is happily married to a man she met when she was 19? Anyway, she got engaged to him and a few months later got pregnant and she is now 29 with an 8 year old and a 3 year old. She is extremely happy. We grew up outside of Baltimore in an upper-middle class area where this is not common. She went to Community College for a couple of years but it wasn't her thing. I wouldn't say this means that she's not "successful". She is a SAHM who will soon nanny for a friend and she has a nice home and a happy family. There are different definitions for success and this meets mine. I had a co-worker from Mississippi and she said everyone in her College was married, but most didn't have children yet. Some of this is cultural, but I wouldn't go with "hick". Rural culture and "hick" are not the same thing. I would say that there the ages for marraige and children in Baltimore are a little younger than here, but not a lot. Maybe married in mid-late 20s, have baby late 20s - early 30s....here it seems more get married in early 30s have child in mid-30s. When I met my husband I was 22 and I told him that I didn't want to get married until I was 27. I don't know why that age. I guess 'cause my sister got married at that age. Anyway, I got married at 24 and even in Baltimore people talked to me like I was a child bride. I do sometimes get treated like a hick because I had a baby in my 20s. I think the women who are mean about it are women who are not happy with their own decisions. People who are happy with their lives don't feel the need to disparraige (sp?) others. I am not a wild person and I have no regrets about not dating around and being crazy. When I got married my sister asked me if I'd regret not dating more and I told her I had been treated like crap before and I didn't need it more than once. I also don't feel like my daughter is a change in ME. I am the same person with the same interests.....different priorities maybe but not different overall. We still travel and eat out. Things aren't necessarily over because you have a husband and child. Maturity and age are not the same thing and feeling like you're not ready for a child does not mean you are not mature. I would think jumping into a marraige and children because you think it's what you're supposed to want is immature!

The other generation is true too though....when my Dad got married he was 32 and it was ancient. His friends all had kids when they were 18 and he thought he'd never get married. Now men at that age don't even think about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the grandma thing so insulting? Are there not pleanty of grandma's in their 40's? It's not like she is stating something untrue.

I have known several people who have had their children in their early 20's, and so have their children, making them grandparents in their early 40's. These people do exist, and they exist in this area. They are well educated, and successful too.

Agreed! And I'm the poster who had her first at 40. My mom had me at 22, just out of college (yes, she ACTUALLY is educated and had a very long career at IBM, retired at 55 and collects a very nice retirement and is now in her early 60s and spends her days golfing in the winter in FL and summers in NY) and if I had followed in her foot steps, she would have been a grandma at 44. Not strange to me at all. I actually think she had/has a pretty good life. She thinks I'm nuts for having kids at 40 and always pestered me to hurry up and get married and pregnant. When I am her age, I'll just have recovered from the "terrible teens".

You're mother is of a different generation. It is not the norm for the current generation to marry straight out of college. Generations ago, women married at 16 and 18 and died at 40. It's also unlikely for many men and women to retire at 55 in this generation. We're talking about the here and now - the current generation of women. Don't mix apples & oranges.

As far as nasty posters, the OP began her thread with an insensitive mean tone.

Women still get married right out of college, have babies, and still have successful careers. My sister did.

I'm sure there's all kinds of examples of young women, fresh from college marrying and having successful careers. Many, many, many of these also end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You're mother is of a different generation. It is not the norm for the current generation to marry straight out of college. Generations ago, women married at 16 and 18 and died at 40. It's also unlikely for many men and women to retire at 55 in this generation. We're talking about the here and now - the current generation of women. Don't mix apples & oranges.

The last time life expectancy for women was at 40 was back in 1850! That would men those women we all born in 1800. I'm old, but NOT old enough to have a mom born at the turn of the 19th century! My mom is a part of the current statistic for life expectancy, so I don't think that's why she had me at 22, from what I gather it had something to do with her falling in love with my dad, but I could be wrong...

Yea, its pretty hard to retire at 55 when you're just finished having babies 10 years prior. It certainly will not be feasible for us after paying for college and probably grad school too.

[Anonymous]

Many of all marraiges end in divorce....regardless of the age of those involved.

You can think your marraige is more stable simply by virtue of the fact that you were older when you got married but it's not. We all have to work at it. Sometimes you meet the right person earlier in life. Sometimes you do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of all marraiges end in divorce....regardless of the age of those involved.

You can think your marraige is more stable simply by virtue of the fact that you were older when you got married but it's not. We all have to work at it. Sometimes you meet the right person earlier in life. Sometimes you do not.

Statistics show higher rates of divorce for those who married at a young(er) age. Check out the link to the CDC report above if you need empirical evidence.

[Anonymous]

I am a young mom, I got married when I was 23, had my first at 25. My reasons for having children this young were different than they are for most. My mother had uterine cancer at the age of 27 and had a hysterectomy. I did not want to miss out on having children.

And you know what? I could care less how old others are when they have their children. I try not to judge others, but I do feel judged by some of the older moms on the playground, because they seem to indeed asume that I am uneducated and not worthy of being in their circles. Why is that? Can't we just all get along?

Btw, I usually don't notice a difference between the younger and the older moms other than few different parenting choices, which is perfectly fine. So I don't have an issue with older moms at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And you know what? I could care less how old others are when they have their children. I try not to judge others, but I do feel judged by some of the older moms on the playground, because they seem to indeed asume that I am uneducated and not worthy of being in their circles. Why is that? Can't we just all get along?

I totally agree, same thing here...this is one of the reasons we moved out of the city. We moved to the burbs to a neighborhood with younger families. Some of the older moms were downright catty and nasty. I'm not sure why they have such a problem with the fact that I had my 1st at age 25. I had to endure so many nasty comments disguised with smiles. This thread and the responses from the older moms does not surprise me on bit. I'm so glad to be out of the city, far away from some of the more bitter inhabitants.

I do appreciate the few and far between older moms who have injected some class to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of all marraiges end in divorce....regardless of the age of those involved.

You can think your marraige is more stable simply by virtue of the fact that you were older when you got married but it's not. We all have to work at it. Sometimes you meet the right person earlier in life. Sometimes you do not.

Statistics show higher rates of divorce for those who married at a young(er) age. Check out the link to the CDC report above if you need empirical evidence.

I don't need evidence. I never said it was "less likely" just that the statistics aren't good for everybody. The people on this board seem to think that anything that is statistically more likely is definitive. I agree with the PP that sometimes people are rude to anyone who married in their 20s around here. I imagine it's not one-sided. I would imagine that everyone in this area feels that the Moms of other ages, races, religions, social statuses, etc, leave them out. I mean, there are consistantly groups being advertised here for "Young Moms" or "Older Moms". I got a notice that there was a new Moms meetup and it was listed as "30 - 40". I'm 28. I'm sure they would "include" me, but I don't want to be in an ageist Moms group! Some of the people I talk with most often at work are in their 50s! Why should it be different with other Moms and why would you necessarily have more in common with someone around your age after College? Since when did 24 become so young to get married anyway? I was married when I was out of college and gainfully employed. If others wanted to be wild and crazy and have experiences other than mine.....I'm glad they got to do that....but that's just not me at all. I'm not a wild person! I agree that there are those I know who married young and feel like they missed out on something and they do sometimes get divorced. I also have known people who got married older and when they couldn't get pregnant got divorced because one wanted to adopt and the other didn't. There are all kinds of examples you can bring up in any situation to prove a point. My post just meant that you can't assume people who married under 25 are going to get divorced.