Older Moms with Babies-Why?

[Anonymous]

I am 36 expecting my first child. I have been lucky enough to travel six continents, have my heart broken enough to become stronger and wiser, have three different careers, and become someone who will be a better mom now than at 26.

But at the end of the day, I didn't happen to meet my soulmate until the time was right. I feel blessed that I will be able to raise a child with a man I respect and adore. That could not have happened any earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 36 expecting my first child. I have been lucky enough to travel six continents, have my heart broken enough to become stronger and wiser, have three different careers, and become someone who will be a better mom now than at 26.

But at the end of the day, I didn't happen to meet my soulmate until the time was right. I feel blessed that I will be able to raise a child with a man I respect and adore. That could not have happened any earlier.

A lot of people I know or knew who married in their early 20's are divorced. A first child at 30 is not a YOUNG mom. People who want children are fortunate to have them at any age. The real benefit to starting at 30ish is if there are physical issues you know it sooner therefore have a larger window of time.

Another point is that the older appearing mom at a playground might be there with the second through fourth child or whatever. Or an individual might appear older since persons age at different rates - someone you think is younger might actually be older. Unlike babies and tots older children and teenagers have lives and schedules NOT determined by parents. They develope independent friendships - schedules - outside demands. Plus they do not nap or go to bed as early at night. 2 tots might be equal to 1 load of wash every second day. A sports playing teen or middle schooler can generate a load per day.

These women might be tired.

[Anonymous]

I am laughing at OP--seems as though she should read her post and see why it's good to wait-apparently even though she is 34, she has the mind of my two year old. As many posters have already said-you have kids when you are ready and for some it's in their twenties (although rare some people get that mature jean and meet the right person), some in their thirties and some in their forties. I still remember after having my first at 38 someone saying "so your just going to have the one"--ah no..but I realized it was this person's insecurity that she was trying to impress on me. For me, I had enjoyed a great career and had waited to the right guy and that worked out that I had to wait until 36 to meet him so getting pregnant at 37 and delivering at 38 worked. For the rude woman, she had married a loser at 25 and had popped out a few kids and looked and acted miserable. As for the grandmother thought..hmm gotta tell you that I see women today that I think are in their late twenties and find out they are 40 and beyond--people today are taking care of themselves and some people get to their forties and look better because they work out and eat better. God if you knew the junk I ate in my twenties. As for energy-this pregnancy (I am 40) has been infinitely easier than the first-more energy less nausea and I feel more secure so the notion that an older pregnancy is harder also not necessarily true. Oh..and this time like last I conceived in first month so there are some people without fertility issues into their forties. Finally as an older mom-I am less judgemental and I find myself getting kinder the older I get--I don't know why but I realize that my decisions that work for me might not work for other people and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

What about adopting a first baby in your early 50s?

[Anonymous]

I'm 50. I skipped my first marriage, which would have ended in divorce, and married my second husband first. He'll be 52 this month. We married when we were 35 and 37. He's the one who's perfect for me. We have a great marriage. We skipped having children, and had grandchildren instead. Our kids are 7 and 9. We have the patience of grandparents, so we are able to give our kids all the positive reinforcement, hugs, and attention they crave. They benefit from our wisdom, absence of resentment, and nonjudgmental outlook on life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think maybe I thought "my" life was going to be over once I had kids. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and she had us very young and in describing her life there was definitely a nostalgia in talking about her "before-kids" self that must have made a deep impression on me. I think I probably also had some concern about children making me more dependent on my husband (again, probably fears from watching a stay-at-home mom with not equal power in the marriage.)

I also don't think it helped that at the time most of my friends were not even married yet and only 2 had kids and they were both a few years older than me. So I think living in DC actually creates a feeling that you are younger than you are because people do generally wait longer.

My GYN gave me the "straight stuff" but I didn't listen to her. When I got married she said "Do you want kids?" I said "Yes." She said "So are you trying to get pregnant now?" And I was like "Whoa! I'm only 31! I just got married!" And she said "Let me rephrase that: Do you want more than one child?" And I said yes, I thought I'd like at least two. And she said "You need to start trying now." She said if I only wanted one that I had some time. I didn't listen to her, but I am thankful to her for laying it out like that and not sugarcoating it. She told me she had seen so much "secondary infertility" of women who had 1 baby no problem in mid to late 30's but then could not have a 2d that she wanted me to be aware of that risk if I decided to wait.

Once I was finally "ready," I miscarried and so lost some additional time there too. Was very lucky to get pregnant quickly after miscarriage. Tried for No. 2 much sooner than I felt "ready" because after miscarriage I realized pregnancy doesn't just happen once you're ready. OB had tried to warn me about this, but until I had the miscarriage I just don't think I got it.

I wish I'd had an OB like this. Got pregnant with #1 at 30, no problem, but in another month or two I think I'm going to start the fertility discussion with my doctor. I just turned 35 and thought it would happen quickly again, but it hasn't. With the first, it was funny because a group of us who went to grad school together got together for dinner and 5 of us were all pregnant and had our babies within 3 months of each other. Now I'm the only one with only one kid. I don't think I would have had my first child any sooner (husband was working FT and in PT law school), but would have started to try in earnest again sooner. But probably not too soon, I am not one of those capable women who could handled having 2 babies 18 months apart. Transitioning to motherhood was very difficult for me, it took moving across country to find a group of supportive mom friends who I could really relate to.

[Anonymous]

Adopting at 50 sounds great if the parents are ready-why not?? There are tons of kids that need love!! Also thought it was great that Laura Ingram adopted at 43-good for her!

[Anonymous]

I just wonder what park OP hangs out in - is she at Leisure World? Most women I see in parks look great and I'm sure they're in the mid 30s to 40s crowd. I can't imagine pegging any of the women I see on a daily basis as "grandmotherly"!

[Anonymous]

I knew a woman who had TWINS at 50!!! I kid you not, with her own eggs. Age is all in the mind-if you feel old, you're going to act old. She was my inspiration when I was TTC for our first when I was 42-she had her first when she was 41. I was fortunate in that I was still very fertile at 42-still am at 44. We have to take precautions as if we were in our 20s!

When you plan too much in life, you might miss out on some very extroidinary experiences-not everything in life has a time stamp or an expiration date. There is no such thing as a perfect age to have children, go to school, get married. People get law degrees when they're 50-some people go to Europe for the first time when they're 60. This is life!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you answered your own question.

I also think if you get kids out of the way early...

I'm not an older Mom, but I certainly don't look at having my babies as getting kids out of the way so I can focus on other stuff. I think older Moms, and hopefully most Moms, want to enjoy and savor each moment instead of trying to race through these awesome years that you don't get back in order to start what they could have done before. And FWIW, you are not a young Mom. Which is what is so puzzling about your post. I'm younger than you are and I don't consider myself a young Mom. You are the same age or older as probably a majority of Moms around here with kids your kid's age. And yet you seem to be saying that women maybe 3 years older than yourself are old and that you confuse them with grandmothers. Curious.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes wish I had started earlier, but then I realize that if I had, I wouldn't have the wonderful, beautiful son I have today. I'd have another kid, but not this one. I can't stand that thought. I have no regrets. I love the son I have. it's a pleasure and an honor to know him. everything in my life led up to bringing him into this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes wish I had started earlier, but then I realize that if I had, I wouldn't have the wonderful, beautiful son I have today. I'd have another kid, but not this one. I can't stand that thought. I have no regrets. I love the son I have. it's a pleasure and an honor to know him. everything in my life led up to bringing him into this world.

ITA. Thanks for putting this into words so well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 42 when I had my first child, my son. We're financially secure, have well established careers. I don't understand why 20 something year olds have children!

I don't know what park you were going to-but there are so many moms in their 40s with young children. We're everywhere!

I agree with a PP-you're very immature-for being 34.

I really must agree with this poster.

Had my first child in my late 30s. I think having your first in your late 40s and 50s is risky for the mother and child. Anyway, if you take a cross section of people post-30 years of age, one can extrapolate that they are more mature, more financially stable. Especially in the DC area, I have noticed that first time parents are older than in the rest of the US. I can deduce that these parents have pursued advance degrees, worked hard in their careers and didn't meet the right mate sooner or it wasn't the right time. For these reasons, first time moms tend to be women who are in their late 30s and early 40s and the men even older.

It seems OP is the one out of place in the DC area to be getting married at 26. Your demographic would fit better in the rest of the country outside of a major metropolitan area. I guess because your head has been buried in diapers early on in your life, that you haven't really had time to learn or develop any other sides to your interests or life. I can't help but think how unsophisticated you are. For me having, children was not a stage I wanted to "get out of the way". I wanted to experience every moment. Getting married under 30 really is too soon! Flame, flame, flame me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 36 expecting my first child. I have been lucky enough to travel six continents, have my heart broken enough to become stronger and wiser, have three different careers, and become someone who will be a better mom now than at 26.

But at the end of the day, I didn't happen to meet my soulmate until the time was right. I feel blessed that I will be able to raise a child with a man I respect and adore. That could not have happened any earlier.

Here here! This is me too! I had the chance to become a mother at 25 with a man who would have made me miserable (he was doing just that and we'd only been dating for a year!). I turned that down and never looked back. I went on to travel the world, get graduate degrees, have interesting jobs and generally a great life. I was only ready to settle down in my mid-30s. I met my husband at 33, married at 36 and now having a child at 37. I could not be more thrilled with the way my life has turned out.

OP -- To turn the tables on you -- Don't you dream about the life and adventures you missed out on? Marrying at 20 sounds like my worst nightmare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting married under 30 really is too soon! Flame, flame, flame me.

Haven't we already been down this path?
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/16403.page