Invite Us to 4th of July Party and Then Ask Us to Pay?

[Anonymous]

PP, do people really ask to play at your CC without also offering to pay? Who does that and why would you then take it further by accepting and then explaining the golf fees. I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost is irrelevant. I am going to respond with "Oh, we thought you invited us to celebrate as your guests. But, if we misunderstood, we can send you a check."

So, the high road, with a little shame thown in. And then, not accept similar invitations from this couple in the future.

That's not the high road. The high road is just to pay the bill and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Our club was about $30/pp for the 4th. My parents club (another state) was about the same. So, I am going to assume based on my statistically sound sample size of 2 that $30/pp is about how much OP's "bill" was, per person.

IMHO there is a CLEAR difference btw asking someone for $30 for dinner/activities and $150+ to play golf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our club was about $30/pp for the 4th. My parents club (another state) was about the same. So, I am going to assume based on my statistically sound sample size of 2 that $30/pp is about how much OP's "bill" was, per person.

IMHO there is a CLEAR difference btw asking someone for $30 for dinner/activities and $150+ to play golf.

a PP posted that it was $100 PP at their club - so it could have been closer to that. At $30 a person, no big deal. (but still tacky to ask) $100 a person - asignificant difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky but pay your share and be done with it.

Years ago, I was invited to a baby shower for one of my coworkers by another coworker who was a) the mom-to-be's best friend and b) the host. There were other guests at the shower besides work people. So, to be clear, this wasn't a work party, this was a baby shower at a private home where a few work folks were invited. I bought a gift, as you do for a shower, right? It was on a saturday afternoon. On monday, the coworker/host came up to me and told me that everyone was contributing $25 to pay for the cost of the shower. WTF??? I was a guest!! It's not like I was asked to help organize! And if I had been asked, I would've said no, as I was a) a poor grad student and b) not all that close with the mom. Anyway, as the PP said, I paid up just to be done with it, but harbored really negative feelings toward the host from then on. What's funny is that this happened, oh, 14 years ago? I left that job, moved on, never saw most of those people again, but a few months ago I ran into the host at my DD's gymnastics studio! Time heals all wounds...

[Anonymous]

But why didn't they tell you the costs up front so that you could really decide whether you wanted to go or not? That would have been the right thing to do.

Either way, they made a mistake by asking you to pay but if I were you, I would pay and not mention it again. After all, you did attend the party. It's not worth it to lose friends over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost is irrelevant. I am going to respond with "Oh, we thought you invited us to celebrate as your guests. But, if we misunderstood, we can send you a check."

So, the high road, with a little shame thown in. And then, not accept similar invitations from this couple in the future.

That's not the high road. The high road is just to pay the bill and be done with it.

I disagree. I think that's a good response, OP. It is the high road, since you're acknowledging the request and paying, but also making it clear that your friends did something really inappropriate. I like that response better than just ignoring the email altogether.

[Anonymous]

OP - I like your response.... I also like the aforemention of, 'shall we reimburse the club directly?' That should make the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I like your response.... I also like the aforemention of, 'shall we reimburse the club directly?' That should make the point.

This makes no sense as there is not way to pay the club directly for an event that already occurred.
I would prefer to go with something like this, "I have a check for you. I'm sorry I didn't pay earlier, as I assumed we were invited as guests." I agree it was a tacky request, but at the same time, I wouldn't assume I'm being treated at an event outside of a home unless being told beforehand that the event is their treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky but pay your share and be done with it.

Years ago, I was invited to a baby shower for one of my coworkers by another coworker who was a) the mom-to-be's best friend and b) the host. There were other guests at the shower besides work people. So, to be clear, this wasn't a work party, this was a baby shower at a private home where a few work folks were invited. I bought a gift, as you do for a shower, right? It was on a saturday afternoon. On monday, the coworker/host came up to me and told me that everyone was contributing $25 to pay for the cost of the shower. WTF??? I was a guest!! It's not like I was asked to help organize! And if I had been asked, I would've said no, as I was a) a poor grad student and b) not all that close with the mom. Anyway, as the PP said, I paid up just to be done with it, but harbored really negative feelings toward the host from then on. What's funny is that this happened, oh, 14 years ago? I left that job, moved on, never saw most of those people again, but a few months ago I ran into the host at my DD's gymnastics studio! Time heals all wounds...

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell us how they respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky but pay your share and be done with it.

Years ago, I was invited to a baby shower for one of my coworkers by another coworker who was a) the mom-to-be's best friend and b) the host. There were other guests at the shower besides work people. So, to be clear, this wasn't a work party, this was a baby shower at a private home where a few work folks were invited. I bought a gift, as you do for a shower, right? It was on a saturday afternoon. On monday, the coworker/host came up to me and told me that everyone was contributing $25 to pay for the cost of the shower. WTF??? I was a guest!! It's not like I was asked to help organize! And if I had been asked, I would've said no, as I was a) a poor grad student and b) not all that close with the mom. Anyway, as the PP said, I paid up just to be done with it, but harbored really negative feelings toward the host from then on. What's funny is that this happened, oh, 14 years ago? I left that job, moved on, never saw most of those people again, but a few months ago I ran into the host at my DD's gymnastics studio! Time heals all wounds...

Get over yourself.

LOL! Oh, ok, since you are directing me to, then I will. Because obviously, I was just waiting for someone to tell me to get over myself. Asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what does that mean PP???? You act as if everyone has a manual to an economic crisis. I guess we are naive to be hopeful that things turn around....we obviously can pay the mortgage, but it was a figure of speech meaning that we really have to watch our finances tightly just everyone else right now. Just bc we are paying our monthly dues doesnt mean that $400+ comes easily right now.

Seriously, you are a super idiot. If you can't afford $400 you shouldn't be a member of a country club. You win for biggest fool of the year.

Ah, the joys of keeping up with the Jones'. PP why did you invite before you knew the cost for the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky but pay your share and be done with it.

Years ago, I was invited to a baby shower for one of my coworkers by another coworker who was a) the mom-to-be's best friend and b) the host. There were other guests at the shower besides work people. So, to be clear, this wasn't a work party, this was a baby shower at a private home where a few work folks were invited. I bought a gift, as you do for a shower, right? It was on a saturday afternoon. On monday, the coworker/host came up to me and told me that everyone was contributing $25 to pay for the cost of the shower. WTF??? I was a guest!! It's not like I was asked to help organize! And if I had been asked, I would've said no, as I was a) a poor grad student and b) not all that close with the mom. Anyway, as the PP said, I paid up just to be done with it, but harbored really negative feelings toward the host from then on. What's funny is that this happened, oh, 14 years ago? I left that job, moved on, never saw most of those people again, but a few months ago I ran into the host at my DD's gymnastics studio! Time heals all wounds...

Get over yourself.

Why so hostile? I thought it was nice of her to share this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rude of them to ask, but IMO, it was also rude of you not to offer to pay for your family.

Really? Not trying to be rude here, but what about these particular circumstances or type of invitation is causing you to think they should have offered to pay? Guess I"m really naive here, but I'm not getting it.

If I'm invited as a guest (event like this, sporting event, theater), I generally will offer to pay for the cost of attending. Most often, the friend who invited me will decline the offer, but I'd rather make the offer and have them decline than not make the offer and have them have to ask, or be cranky that I didn't think to offer. FWIW, when I invite people to somethign like this, I do so expecting to cover the guest fees, and decline offers to pay.

I don't, obviously, do that when invited to someone's home. I view that differently, I guess. I don't have a principled reason, but it just feels different to me.

In retrospect, I don't know if it was fair of me to say that the OP was rude to not offer to pay, because it sounds like she didn't know there was a fee involved. But if a friend invited me to an event and I knew I there was a guest fee, yes, I would offer to pay.