Invite Us to 4th of July Party and Then Ask Us to Pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rude of them to ask, but IMO, it was also rude of you not to offer to pay for your family.

Huh? If I invite someone to my private club, first of all, there is no mechanism for them to pay. The bill comes to my home monthly. Secondly, an invitation is an invitation. There's such a thing as being a gracious guest.

So, are you saying a gracious guest , whom you have invited to a private club, should then ask you how much they should pay? This is not being a gracious host, it isn't eve being a host. Tacky, rude, and ill-mannered.

No -- I said just the opposite. Read again.

[Anonymous]

Op did you even offer, prior to the request, to pay your share? I have never gone to a private club as a guest and not offered to reimburse the host as there is no way to pay directly. Why would I assume that I didn't have to pay? Having said this, no one has ever taken me up on the offer though and I do think it's tacky.

[Anonymous]

It is either a shakedown to defray the costs of their club membership or a big misunderstanding.

I would try to ignore the request, and when/if they came to collect a second time, I would say "Oh my goodness, we thought it was an invitation." That should make the guy pause for a second.

But I would probably chicken out and just pay it, then never do anything with them ever again. It is also impolite to point out someone's rudeness. (Example - the lady in England whose snarky email to the future DIL went viral.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are right but just pay graciously and move on. You know it is not something you would ever do to someone but pay with a smile, say thanks, and know better next time. I am learning it is always better to take the higher road. You and your husband know. Just keep it to that.

[Anonymous]

16:22 is exactly right. Take the high road. Pay them and move on. Taking the high road also means yes, you can talk about it here on DCUM, but I wouldn't mention it to your mutual friends/acquaintances. It is always better to be the bigger person in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would I assume that I didn't have to pay?

Because you were invited! The whole point is that you are a GUEST of the club member. There is not an admission charge for non-members. They are guests of the members. Operative word: guests. They are not underwriters.

BTW it is rude to expect your guest to offer to pay or bring something to a hosted dinner. If you are expecting an offer, then you aren't really interested in hosting. A host finances the cost of the entire event/invitation. If not, then it is not being hosted, it is called going "dutch" or having a "potluck." If a guest decides on her own to bring something, that is a gift for the host, not an admission fee. People have no clue about manners anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm a member of a country club. When I invite guests for the type of event that the OP is describing, I always plan on paying. Some guests offer to pay but we decline their offer.

What I do accept $ for (and actually am upfront about the costs in advance) are greens fees for golf. We belong to a club that has a golf course that many want to play on and it costs approx. $500 to take guests out for a round of golf. I will not pay this so others can try out my course.

I guess I'm trying to say that there are some country club-related costs that I am willing to ask and accept money for (from friends, or friends of friends, or any of the many people who ask me to take them out golfing) but I would never consider asking for $ from my friends for a social event as the OP described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op did you even offer, prior to the request, to pay your share? I have never gone to a private club as a guest and not offered to reimburse the host as there is no way to pay directly. Why would I assume that I didn't have to pay? Having said this, no one has ever taken me up on the offer though and I do think it's tacky.

NP here. I dunno, pp, this hasn't happened to me but it would also seem to me to be tacky to offer to pay. When you go to someone's home for dinner, you don't offer to pay for the food on the table. That would be tacky, don't you think? So I guess the question is - is inviting someone to a private club more like inviting them to your home or is it more like inviting someone to a public restaurant? Since I haven't frequented private clubs since I was a kid I must defer to those of you DCUMers who have. What do you think? (Gee, I hope no one asks me now. I'll probably get an anxiety attack trying to figure out whether Miss Manners would suggest I offer to pay or not.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a member of a country club. When I invite guests for the type of event that the OP is describing, I always plan on paying. Some guests offer to pay but we decline their offer.

What I do accept $ for (and actually am upfront about the costs in advance) are greens fees for golf. We belong to a club that has a golf course that many want to play on and it costs approx. $500 to take guests out for a round of golf. I will not pay this so others can try out my course.

I guess I'm trying to say that there are some country club-related costs that I am willing to ask and accept money for (from friends, or friends of friends, or any of the many people who ask me to take them out golfing) but I would never consider asking for $ from my friends for a social event as the OP described.

Holy Fuck! I grew up near a Robert Trent Jones golf course and even now it's $28 for a round. Granted it is open to the public so you have to deal with those beneath you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rude of them to ask, but IMO, it was also rude of you not to offer to pay for your family.

Really? Not trying to be rude here, but what about these particular circumstances or type of invitation is causing you to think they should have offered to pay? Guess I"m really naive here, but I'm not getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:22 is exactly right. Take the high road. Pay them and move on. Taking the high road also means yes, you can talk about it here on DCUM, but I wouldn't mention it to your mutual friends/acquaintances. It is always better to be the bigger person in these situations.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

I see the Salahis are at it again.

I would re-evaluate my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a member of a country club. When I invite guests for the type of event that the OP is describing, I always plan on paying. Some guests offer to pay but we decline their offer.

What I do accept $ for (and actually am upfront about the costs in advance) are greens fees for golf. We belong to a club that has a golf course that many want to play on and it costs approx. $500 to take guests out for a round of golf. I will not pay this so others can try out my course.

I guess I'm trying to say that there are some country club-related costs that I am willing to ask and accept money for (from friends, or friends of friends, or any of the many people who ask me to take them out golfing) but I would never consider asking for $ from my friends for a social event as the OP described.

Holy Fuck! I grew up near a Robert Trent Jones golf course and even now it's $28 for a round. Granted it is open to the public so you have to deal with those beneath you.

It is approx $150 per person per 18 holes of golf. Then you pay for the cart(s) & caddie fees/tips (both required)...and then throw in the snacks, meals, drinks. $500 just for 2 people.

[Anonymous]

If it's ridiculously high, ask for an itemized bill (in an email to both parties), and then don't deal with them again

[Anonymous]

Pay graciously.
Next time they invite you, pointedly ask if they are inviting you or if they expect a contribution.
Then, regardless of the answer, turn down the invitation.