Invite Us to 4th of July Party and Then Ask Us to Pay?

[Anonymous]

I want to play golf at PP's club. It sounds lovely.

[Anonymous]

OP, send them a link to this thread.

And, if they expected you to pay, they should have disclosed that up front. "Hey, we are having a party at our club on the fourth... wondered if you might be interested. It's (x) per person. "

You don't invite someone to a party and not disclose that there are strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Quit the club and you will save money and not have to deal with the "experience" of others which you cannot afford and expect your guests to foot the bill. There are plenty of nice public courses.

I entered the conversation precisely because I said that in the case of the OP's story, I would never ask my guests to pay. Nor have I accepted money when guests have offered. However, when friends and friends-of-friends ask me to play at my course, you are telling me I should foot the bill? I think that is strange. This is not a business account. And this wasn't an invite by me. This is a case of others asking me to take them out on my course. You either don't understand the nature of the situation OR you literally have a TON of money and have no financial concerns.

Why not simply say no? Why do you indulge friends-of-friends? Certainly you are not the only member. If I wanted to take people golfing I would pay, yes. I doubt your course is so coveted that people are knocking down your door asking to play. If you don't have a TON of money then ditch the CC or just say NO. As for the original post, classless and tacky.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar thing happen over the weekend. We were invited to someone's beach house. We brought a nice gift.
We paid for lunch for the group. Then the guy asked me for money to buy some food from the grocery and made me feel cheap by asking if "did I mind if he imposed on me" to pay since these other people bought the food.

Bottom line -- if people are going to "invite" someone to do something...they need to be a bit clearer that they expect people to pay for certain things and spell it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are actually going to put a hold on our membership next month - we just wanted the kids to enjoy the pool this summer. If we stop paying we wont get re-instated and lose or initial initiation so we will just hold it in hopes things get better again. Regardless - $400 is a lot to shell out for some of these extra activities. Hosting someone to come enjoy the pool for a day and pay for lunch, ice cream and drinks is do-able but these other events during the holidays are getting more and more expensive. Last year it was $30pp for 4th of July and 300+ showed up, this year it was $100 and only 100 showed up. Even if you can afford the membership, some of these extra things are too much.

Yo, dumbass. They have public pools - and some of them are pretty nice. Maybe your just not CC material.

Is your public school where you learned the words...YO and dumbass? Sign me up stat!

S/he said pool not school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar thing happen over the weekend. We were invited to someone's beach house. We brought a nice gift.
We paid for lunch for the group. Then the guy asked me for money to buy some food from the grocery and made me feel cheap by asking if "did I mind if he imposed on me" to pay since these other people bought the food.

Bottom line -- if people are going to "invite" someone to do something...they need to be a bit clearer that they expect people to pay for certain things and spell it out.

This same thing happened to us before, and it felt really weird. We were invited to a friend's parents' beach house for a long weekend (the parents were not there, 4 couples in all-the hosts, us and 2 other couples). DH and I brought enough beer, wine and liquor for everyone for the entire weekend. We brought a gift for the couple and sent a gift to the parents (the actual owners of the house). We paid for 2 lunches and brought all the meats to grill (hosts mentioned that they wanted to grill, DH offered to buy the meats, which was expensive for 8 people! good steaks, chicken, shrimp!). The other couples brought most of the other food. The hosts asked us all for money, and it felt like they were just trying to get cash! It was SO strange. Lesson learned, we won't travel with them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is approx $150 per person per 18 holes of golf. Then you pay for the cart(s) & caddie fees/tips (both required)...and then throw in the snacks, meals, drinks. $500 just for 2 people.

how about you cart your own golf clubs and get a free workout.
Snacks, meals, drinks? Do you eat at the same time as you play golf?
$150 is still excessive. I would expect the golf course to be made out of gold

The cart and caddy is required at our course when you bring guests. And am I supposed to tell the guests they are not allowed to have food/drink when it becomes a half-day+ event? Especially when they are playing so much for the "experience"...trust me, I think it is excessive, too, which is precisely why I can't afford to take everyone who asks to play without them paying their way. This isn't like playing on a public course.

Quit the club and you will save money and not have to deal with the "experience" of others which you cannot afford and expect your guests to foot the bill. There are plenty of nice public courses.

No kidding.

[Anonymous]

I think its tacky. Personally, I'd pay the bill, but decline any future "invitations" from this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit the club and you will save money and not have to deal with the "experience" of others which you cannot afford and expect your guests to foot the bill. There are plenty of nice public courses.

* * *
Why not simply say no? Why do you indulge friends-of-friends? Certainly you are not the only member. If I wanted to take people golfing I would pay, yes. I doubt your course is so coveted that people are knocking down your door asking to play. If you don't have a TON of money then ditch the CC or just say NO. As for the original post, classless and tacky.

Amazing how people keep missing this PP's point. He can afford the CC, but he's not made of money. Clearly people are knocking down his door asking to play--including even "friends of friends". Let's say he's a member of Congressional. His friend's dad is a big golfer and would love to play it, but isn't a member and doesn't know any. So friend says, "My dad would love to play Congressional. It's on his bucket list. Could you take him out next time you go?" What should PP say in your opinion? (A) "I'm sorry, friend, a lot of people want to play the course and I can't afford to take everyone, so I always say no." (B) "Well I'd love to go golfing with him, but I quit the country club to avoid people asking me to play all the time. Why don't we go to one of the great public courses around here?" (C) "I would be happy to take this stranger golfing even though it will cost me $250." or (D) "It's a great course, and I'm happy to take others to play it. But it's pretty expensive so he'd have to pay his own way."

Are you seriously suggesting that A-C are better answers than D?

[Anonymous]

^^^^^I would just say no. Simply put

[Anonymous]

So "A." Of course you're under no obligation to say yes, but I'd think you're a jerk. At a minimum you're missing the opportunity to do something nice for someone. To give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you don't know how people feel about playing particular golf courses. By giving them access to the course and going along with them, PP is already doing them a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit the club and you will save money and not have to deal with the "experience" of others which you cannot afford and expect your guests to foot the bill. There are plenty of nice public courses.

* * *
Why not simply say no? Why do you indulge friends-of-friends? Certainly you are not the only member. If I wanted to take people golfing I would pay, yes. I doubt your course is so coveted that people are knocking down your door asking to play. If you don't have a TON of money then ditch the CC or just say NO. As for the original post, classless and tacky.

Amazing how people keep missing this PP's point. He can afford the CC, but he's not made of money. Clearly people are knocking down his door asking to play--including even "friends of friends". Let's say he's a member of Congressional. His friend's dad is a big golfer and would love to play it, but isn't a member and doesn't know any. So friend says, "My dad would love to play Congressional. It's on his bucket list. Could you take him out next time you go?" What should PP say in your opinion? (A) "I'm sorry, friend, a lot of people want to play the course and I can't afford to take everyone, so I always say no." (B) "Well I'd love to go golfing with him, but I quit the country club to avoid people asking me to play all the time. Why don't we go to one of the great public courses around here?" (C) "I would be happy to take this stranger golfing even though it will cost me $250." or (D) "It's a great course, and I'm happy to take others to play it. But it's pretty expensive so he'd have to pay his own way."

Are you seriously suggesting that A-C are better answers than D?

Thank you. You understand precisely what I am talking about. When I am asked this (and the friend's dad is a perfect example--happens several times a year) I choose to go with D. I have never had someone decline in return. And, in fact, usually am sent a thank you gift, too.

I will say that my posts (regarding taking people out to play) are getting mixed up with another PP who is having financial concerns and might put their club membership on hold. While I'm not a millionaire, I can afford my club. What I can't afford is the frequent friend-of-friend requests. I would like to put some money away for college, retirement, etc. each month.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The cost is irrelevant. I am going to respond with "Oh, we thought you invited us to celebrate as your guests. But, if we misunderstood, we can send you a check."

So, the high road, with a little shame thown in. And then, not accept similar invitations from this couple in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit the club and you will save money and not have to deal with the "experience" of others which you cannot afford and expect your guests to foot the bill. There are plenty of nice public courses.

* * *
Why not simply say no? Why do you indulge friends-of-friends? Certainly you are not the only member. If I wanted to take people golfing I would pay, yes. I doubt your course is so coveted that people are knocking down your door asking to play. If you don't have a TON of money then ditch the CC or just say NO. As for the original post, classless and tacky.

Amazing how people keep missing this PP's point. He can afford the CC, but he's not made of money. Clearly people are knocking down his door asking to play--including even "friends of friends". Let's say he's a member of Congressional. His friend's dad is a big golfer and would love to play it, but isn't a member and doesn't know any. So friend says, "My dad would love to play Congressional. It's on his bucket list. Could you take him out next time you go?" What should PP say in your opinion? (A) "I'm sorry, friend, a lot of people want to play the course and I can't afford to take everyone, so I always say no." (B) "Well I'd love to go golfing with him, but I quit the country club to avoid people asking me to play all the time. Why don't we go to one of the great public courses around here?" (C) "I would be happy to take this stranger golfing even though it will cost me $250." or (D) "It's a great course, and I'm happy to take others to play it. But it's pretty expensive so he'd have to pay his own way."

Are you seriously suggesting that A-C are better answers than D?

Thank you. You understand precisely what I am talking about. When I am asked this (and the friend's dad is a perfect example--happens several times a year) I choose to go with D. I have never had someone decline in return. And, in fact, usually am sent a thank you gift, too.

I will say that my posts (regarding taking people out to play) are getting mixed up with another PP who is having financial concerns and might put their club membership on hold. While I'm not a millionaire, I can afford my club. What I can't afford is the frequent friend-of-friend requests. I would like to put some money away for college, retirement, etc. each month.

Your response is more than reasonable. Also, I'm pretty sure that you host your friends here and there, but it's another thing entirely to host your friend's parents' friends and their friends....

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you did even more than us and then got stuck too. If I invite someone to something...I make it pretty clear. I appreciate people offering to bring stuff or to pay for certain things if they want...but I NEVER expect them to. Reminds me of my first job out of college. Our boss invited 8 of her duckling trainees to her house for dinner. Then she got out the grocery receipt, circled the price in red and divided it by 8. I will never forget how cheap and unexpected that was. None of us had enough money!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar thing happen over the weekend. We were invited to someone's beach house. We brought a nice gift.
We paid for lunch for the group. Then the guy asked me for money to buy some food from the grocery and made me feel cheap by asking if "did I mind if he imposed on me" to pay since these other people bought the food.

Bottom line -- if people are going to "invite" someone to do something...they need to be a bit clearer that they expect people to pay for certain things and spell it out.

This same thing happened to us before, and it felt really weird. We were invited to a friend's parents' beach house for a long weekend (the parents were not there, 4 couples in all-the hosts, us and 2 other couples). DH and I brought enough beer, wine and liquor for everyone for the entire weekend. We brought a gift for the couple and sent a gift to the parents (the actual owners of the house). We paid for 2 lunches and brought all the meats to grill (hosts mentioned that they wanted to grill, DH offered to buy the meats, which was expensive for 8 people! good steaks, chicken, shrimp!). The other couples brought most of the other food. The hosts asked us all for money, and it felt like they were just trying to get cash! It was SO strange. Lesson learned, we won't travel with them again.