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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
My sister sucks
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Anonymous
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OP,
How old is your mother? Sorry but why shouldn't your mother stay with your sister? Maybe she thinks the kids run her ragged! |
Anonymous
| I hate dogs but think it is ridiculous to expect a sister to forego them so my kids can come to her house. Just meet elsewhere. |
Anonymous
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My guess is that you mom is just trying to balance out the competition from her two children by dividing time.
Its telling that you sister always wants to go vineyard hopping. In this area, vineyard hopping is synonomous with pretentious wannabe nit wit. This is someone who is overly into thinking she is cool when she is not. I would agree with the OP that her sister sucks but also add that her sister is probably a dork. |
Anonymous
| Think it's weird OP feels like her parents owe her something, or that the sister owes her something. Your kids are your job, honey. |
Anonymous
| Pretty sure life is much more quiet and relaxed at your sisters house. I'd stay there too. Ever stop to consider the fact that your mom probably needs a break???? Nope it's just all about YOU. Your sister doesn't suck, you do! Your kids are not your moms responsibility. She probably wants to relax on the weekend WTF! |
Anonymous
Wow, you read a lot into that. |
Anonymous
If you don't think your own mother and sister can . . . or better yet SHOULD . . . prioritize the birth of your child over vineyard hopping, then you lead a very sad life. I think all that is owed here is common decency. The rest is just the fluff that rises to the surface as a result of the deeper issues. |
Anonymous
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OP, why doesn't your sister have kids? Don't just assume because she has never told you that she is trying to get pregnant that she isn't trying. The fact that you have kids and she doesn't (and the fact that, therefore, your mother spends more time with you than with her) might be something that is really painful for her. It would also explain why she wanted to be out of town when you gave birth.
My sister has two kids and I have been trying for five years with no luck. I have never told anyone in my family that I am trying because it is one thing to be constantly disappointed yourself, but another thing to have to constantly share disappointing news with others. I'm sure my parents and my sister think that my husband and I are so lucky because we can sleep in and have such a stressfree life, but that is not really what it feels like to be us. We would love to be woken up at 6 am by somebody. All our family holidays are scheduled around what is easiest for my sister and my parent's visit her more than they visit me. I understand why this is so and I wouldn't really expect it to be any different. My parents should prioritize their grandkids and it seems like your mother is already doing this. If a family day is so important to you, take Tuesday off of work and have your family outing. That is what vacation days are for. If your sisters wants to have time with her mother to do things that she can do BECAUSE she doesn't have kids, let her have the time. She might feel like she is already getting the much shorter end of the stick in life. |
Anonymous
Well said. I'm in this boat too. |
Anonymous
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Agree. Well said. And, even if infertility is not your sister's problem, remember that kids are not the only stressor in life. Your sister may want/need time and support from her mother for any number of reasons. And her reasons probably seem as important to her as your desire to have another morning with your mother seems to you.
Personally, I like when my parents stay over at my house. I like the feeling of having them there when I get up because it reminds me of being a kid. Having my parents show up at 11:00 having already been to the zoo is not the same thing. Your sister may want to have your mother there in the morning to have that lazy Saturday experience with her. |
Anonymous
Well, lots of issues going on here. But I totally agree with this. Your sister sounds clueless. If my mom flew in to see her grandkids "between shopping and dinners out" I'd be sad about that. Really, really sad. Not seeing how this has to do with your sister. And it does sound weird that you pay your mom to babysit her grandkids. It just does. It's one thing to fly her out and pay for all that, but the rest sounds weird. I think there are just some weird family dynamics here. You need to communicate better with your sister. If she books a cruise the week you are counting on her, bring it up. Let her know. Put your foot down. I understand the vent but you need to take control of some of this. |
Anonymous
| OP, what did you end up saying to your mom and sister? |
Anonymous
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OP here. I asked several times what their plans were for Saturday. I got general non-committal "Don't know yet, we haven't decided."
My family went on an outing by ourselves and had a blast. Our plan was to get back together on Sunday evening with my parents, sister, and her husband for a cook-out at our house. On Saturday afternoon, my mom called and asked what time they should arrive on Sunday. I told them to plan to come by between 2-3 so we could hang out a little before dinner. On Sunday morning, my sister called to ask us if we needed any food for the cook out (no, we had everything, told her we'd see them by 3). At 2:30 on Sunday, my dad called and asked what the plan was, as they had just gotten out of a movie and hadn't eaten lunch yet. They all went out to lunch together and got to my house by 4:30, and obviously were not hungry for a cook-out. We just went ahead and grilled for ourselves and the kids and chatted pleasantly with them until they left a few hours later. Lesson learned. |
Anonymous
This is on you. It may not be your problem it started out this way, but if it's still this way, you need to think about why. No support system -- OK, think creatively about how to create one? Church? Neighbors? Local neighborhood co-op? Other parents at daycare? A regular list of paid babysitters for relief? Meeting other parents at the park? Rotating a Sat. AM bagel and coffee playdate at a group of neighborhood houses? There are a million ways to get help, but you have to ask explicitly. And asking is not the same as expecting. Asking means that you expect to reciprocate a favor, not that you expect the other person to help. |
Anonymous
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Completely unrelated to the OP's post:
1- Dogs. Jesus Christ you people read a lot into having a dog. No one gets a dog to piss anyone off. No one even considers the allergies of someone who isn't in their house everyday when getting a dog. My best friend is allergic to dogs. She comes to my house a few days/week. I did not think of her allergies in the slightest when I adopted my dog. I have no allergies and think that they are stupid. And, well, it is my dog. If she told me that she didnt like coming over b/c she could barely breathe the whole time, I would go to her house instead. But, she gets a few sniffles and her eyes tear slightly. She is willing to deal with it. 2- Wineries. Wineries are fun. There are a lot in this area. It takes 45 mins to an hour to get to many of them from the city, and they are free to visit. It is a nice, different thing to do. You can go and try different wines, get some food, many times listen to live music and sit outside where you have a pleasant view of the mountains. Its like a picnic where you can try wine before you buy it. I would hardly consider it being a pretentious thing to do if you like wine. I also drink the wine samples when I go to Trader Joes. Because I like wine. Is that pretentious? |