My sister sucks

[Anonymous]

Boy, does the OP stir up my own hornet's nest of feelings. I have one brother, married, no kids, live on the "other side of the river." My folks live a 2 hour plane ride away. Folks and brother get dogs, my 2 boys are deathly afraid. When folks come to visit, they stay with my brother and my nuclear family gets nearly no visit time (meaning my kids get very little time with their grandparents or uncle/aunt).

Biggest issue since 2011 started: I was in the hospital in January with something pretty serious. Folks happened to be in town, staying with brother, on brother's dime to help with new house. Neither folks, nor brother, deemed it important enough to come across the river to see me in the hospital. WTF?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What strikes me is how many of the posters defending the sister are twisting the facts to make the sister seem less selfish. OP is getting free child care (she said she's paying). OP wants to sleep in on the weekend (She said several times she wants to do a family event). OP had lots of warning when the sister warned her to find new arrangements for her child when giving birth so she could go on a cruise (OP says 2 weeks).

I think some of these PPs have their own issues to work out.

Seriously. And they also need to get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your sister, like most people without kids, doesn't know. Speak up.

Mom sure does, though.

[Anonymous]

Boy, does the OP stir up my own hornet's nest of feelings. I have one brother, married, no kids, live on the "other side of the river." My folks live a 2 hour plane ride away. Folks and brother get dogs, my 2 boys are deathly afraid. When folks come to visit, they stay with my brother and my nuclear family gets nearly no visit time (meaning my kids get very little time with their grandparents or uncle/aunt).

Biggest issue since 2011 started: I was in the hospital in January with something pretty serious. Folks happened to be in town, staying with brother, on brother's dime to help with new house. Neither folks, nor brother, deemed it important enough to come across the river to see me in the hospital. WTF?????

That sucks. I'm sorry. Of couse, some on DCUM are going to call you a selfish brat for expecting the world to revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy, does the OP stir up my own hornet's nest of feelings. I have one brother, married, no kids, live on the "other side of the river." My folks live a 2 hour plane ride away. Folks and brother get dogs, my 2 boys are deathly afraid. When folks come to visit, they stay with my brother and my nuclear family gets nearly no visit time (meaning my kids get very little time with their grandparents or uncle/aunt).

Biggest issue since 2011 started: I was in the hospital in January with something pretty serious. Folks happened to be in town, staying with brother, on brother's dime to help with new house. Neither folks, nor brother, deemed it important enough to come across the river to see me in the hospital. WTF?????

why are your kids so afraid of dogs? whose issue is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Boy, does the OP stir up my own hornet's nest of feelings. I have one brother, married, no kids, live on the "other side of the river." My folks live a 2 hour plane ride away. Folks and brother get dogs, my 2 boys are deathly afraid. When folks come to visit, they stay with my brother and my nuclear family gets nearly no visit time (meaning my kids get very little time with their grandparents or uncle/aunt).

Biggest issue since 2011 started: I was in the hospital in January with something pretty serious. Folks happened to be in town, staying with brother, on brother's dime to help with new house. Neither folks, nor brother, deemed it important enough to come across the river to see me in the hospital. WTF?????

why are your kids so afraid of dogs? whose issue is that?

Not PP, but what is your point? You want PP to admit that she wishes her brother didn't have dogs? My own kids are really allergic to dogs, yet my sister has several. She wants to do all holiday dinners at her house, but my kids are miserable there. She got the dogs AFTER she knew about their allergies. Yes, she's an adult and can decide, but she is saying "It is more important to me to have dogs than to have your family come to my house." She's allowed to say that, she's an adult. But it hurts. I think that is all PP is saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What strikes me is how many of the posters defending the sister are twisting the facts to make the sister seem less selfish. OP is getting free child care (she said she's paying). OP wants to sleep in on the weekend (She said several times she wants to do a family event). OP had lots of warning when the sister warned her to find new arrangements for her child when giving birth so she could go on a cruise (OP says 2 weeks).

I think some of these PPs have their own issues to work out.

Please - none of those things were in the original post. They're all in subsequent posts after OP was challenged. And FWIW, while those facts make OP a little more sympathetic, they don't really change my opinion of her. So what if they're paying her mother - does that mean her mother is REQUIRED to stay the weekend? So she wants to do a family event - does that means Mom wants to? She's been with the kids all week. I agree the childcare arrangements thing sucks - but what does that have to do with this weekend? Nothing, other than contribute to the baggage OP is carrying around.

I think OP's in denial about her Mother's feelings - it's much easier to believe that her sister is just better at manipulating Mom that to accept that after a week with her and her kids, her mom might want some alone time with her other daughter.

[Anonymous]

I have a few takes on this situation. It sounds like your mom is just trying to divide her time equally between her kids.

First, I think its clear that the sister is not into kids. She may even be jealous about the attention your mom spends on your kids. Before you had kids, it was only a competition with you now with grandkids in the mix she feels really insecure. Her actions when you were giving birth are little father out there than be clueless. It sounds like she resented the attention and did everything she could to make your mom focus on her.

Second, I think you do need to realize that some people really do not enjoy doing kid-centric, family type things. You shouldn't expect your sister to babysit or happily participate in any kid friendly things. This doesn't mean that you should cater to her every whim but don't be disappointed or sad that whenever she gets the opportunity that she will insert something that requires you ditching your kids.

Third, I completely understand what it is like to deal with someone who always has to control the situation to their advantage. My SIL is like this. When we travel out to see family, we try to see everyone. We invited her and her kids to go along with us on one trip to the zoo that we had planned with another relative. It was a simple.."hey we're going to the zoo with X tomorrow, since you are down here do you want to come along?" . It became a monumental event because she was not originally consulted about the trip, wouldn't it be better to go to Y instead, let's change the time, and BTW she didn't really get along with that relative so maybe we could reschedule time with that relative and her family for another trip. I was amazed at how fast she could swoop in and try to disrupt everyone's plans to her advantage. Not being into drama, I just calmly said " Hey, its just a trip to the zoo. We're already set. You're welcome to come along but if it doesn't work for you then no worries, we'll just catch up with you later." I would suggest that you take this approach with your sister. Be firm, be direct, and call her on her actions if she disrupts things.

Fourth, in situations where you are all planning things it probably is a good idea to consciously just divide out the time. Don't try to integrate everything as a family activity.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with the brother/dogs issue. My kids are little (5 and 2), are not growing up with pets in the house, and the dogs are 75 lbs each. Does that clarify?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Boy, does the OP stir up my own hornet's nest of feelings. I have one brother, married, no kids, live on the "other side of the river." My folks live a 2 hour plane ride away. Folks and brother get dogs, my 2 boys are deathly afraid. When folks come to visit, they stay with my brother and my nuclear family gets nearly no visit time (meaning my kids get very little time with their grandparents or uncle/aunt).

Biggest issue since 2011 started: I was in the hospital in January with something pretty serious. Folks happened to be in town, staying with brother, on brother's dime to help with new house. Neither folks, nor brother, deemed it important enough to come across the river to see me in the hospital. WTF?????

why are your kids so afraid of dogs? whose issue is that?

Not PP, but what is your point? You want PP to admit that she wishes her brother didn't have dogs? My own kids are really allergic to dogs, yet my sister has several. She wants to do all holiday dinners at her house, but my kids are miserable there. She got the dogs AFTER she knew about their allergies. Yes, she's an adult and can decide, but she is saying "It is more important to me to have dogs than to have your family come to my house." She's allowed to say that, she's an adult. But it hurts. I think that is all PP is saying.

come on, having kids with a dog allergy is COMPLETELY different from having kids that are "deathly afraid" of dogs. if my kids had a dog allergy, then obviously we wouldn't have family gatherings at a house with hairy dogs. but if my kids were scared of dogs (assuming these are not trained pit bulls or something), then teach the kids to not be afraid! don't blame the otherwise responsible dog owners because your kids are scardycats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with the brother/dogs issue. My kids are little (5 and 2), are not growing up with pets in the house, and the dogs are 75 lbs each. Does that clarify?

no. they should play with the dogs, not be afraid of them. what kind of dogs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What strikes me is how many of the posters defending the sister are twisting the facts to make the sister seem less selfish. OP is getting free child care (she said she's paying). OP wants to sleep in on the weekend (She said several times she wants to do a family event). OP had lots of warning when the sister warned her to find new arrangements for her child when giving birth so she could go on a cruise (OP says 2 weeks).

I think some of these PPs have their own issues to work out.



Please - none of those things were in the original post. They're all in subsequent posts after OP was challenged. And FWIW, while those facts make OP a little more sympathetic, they don't really change my opinion of her. So what if they're paying her mother - does that mean her mother is REQUIRED to stay the weekend? So she wants to do a family event - does that means Mom wants to? She's been with the kids all week. I agree the childcare arrangements thing sucks - but what does that have to do with this weekend? Nothing, other than contribute to the baggage OP is carrying around.

I think OP's in denial about her Mother's feelings - it's much easier to believe that her sister is just better at manipulating Mom that to accept that after a week with her and her kids, her mom might want some alone time with her other daughter.

What is your point? They weren't in the original post so it is okay for you to fill in the blanks incorrectly and then use your false assumptions to attack OP? Or are you saying she lied? Clarify your point, please.

[Anonymous]

PP with the brother with dogs again. Why are some of you so focused on the dogs issue, which I only used as a reason why my folks stay with my brother (so the dogs can be together, and so my kids can feel safe in their own home), and nobody seems to focus on the fact that these people couldn't be bothered to cross the river to see me in the hospital???

[Anonymous]

My point is that you accused people of "twisting the facts" - but that's incorrect. The facts weren't known, and after OP clarified them, no one has "twisted the facts."

In fact, I am reluctant to trust OP's "facts" because she seems pretty self-centered, and such people often can't help but present a version of the "facts" that makes them look more sympathetic. Of course, the sister could just be a bitch, too - who knows? But I do know this - based on OP's version of the situation, in her own words and likely crafted to make her appear sympathetic, I wouldn't want to spend any more time with her than I had to.

[Anonymous]

"I think OP's in denial about her Mother's feelings - it's much easier to believe that her sister is just better at manipulating Mom that to accept that after a week with her and her kids, her mom might want some alone time with her other daughter. "

Bingo!