My sister sucks

[Anonymous]

"I think OP's in denial about her Mother's feelings - it's much easier to believe that her sister is just better at manipulating Mom that to accept that after a week with her and her kids, her mom might want some alone time with her other daughter. "

Bingo!

Maybe, but that doesn't take away from some of sister's mean actions. Going on a cruise when you promised to watch nephew when your sister goes to hospital to give birth? Yikes. It would be one thing if cruise was scheduled early or after and the mom went into labor early or late, but this was scheduled for the due date. Not nice at all.

[Anonymous]

My point is that you accused people of "twisting the facts" - but that's incorrect. The facts weren't known, and after OP clarified them, no one has "twisted the facts."

In fact, I am reluctant to trust OP's "facts" because she seems pretty self-centered, and such people often can't help but present a version of the "facts" that makes them look more sympathetic. Of course, the sister could just be a bitch, too - who knows? But I do know this - based on OP's version of the situation, in her own words and likely crafted to make her appear sympathetic, I wouldn't want to spend any more time with her than I had to.

Ok, so lets review. You incorrectly filled in the blanks in OPs story with your own negative information. This made you develop a bad impression of OP based on your own invented conclusions and are going to stick with that negative impression despite evidence to the contrary?

This says a lot about you.

Are you a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

My first thought on reading OPs post was, jealous much? On both sides. She has a week with her mom and is whining that her sister gets 2.5 days. And the child-less sister has issues as well. Planning a vacation after you've agreed to do child care when your sister is giving birth! I'd be pretty damn pissed about this. And those feelings can be carried over into the present situation, which seems perfectly reasonable to me on the part of the sister and mom.

Some families just can't talk about things like this. I'd say most families can't. There are so many deeply buried issues, slights from childhood, perceived unequal treatment, etc., that carry on into adulthood. Often, as adults we are unaware that those feelings are governing our current behavior.

My SIL acted similarly to OP's sister before she had kids. She was unkind to say the least, bringing foods to family dinners that DS was allergic to, planning outings that were totally inappropriate for young children. But post-kids, she's really no different, even though now she understands how difficult it is to manage small children.

OP, you must let go of your anger at your sister. She's not going to change, and neither is your mom. I would feel badly that they didn't come to visit your DC#2 right away in the hospital, but they were sending you a message.

I have children, but I still resent people who put their children before everyone else in all situations. Your mom and sister are telling you that your child will wait. Yes, they did come see your child, but they have lives and your child is not the most important thing in THEIR lives.

My brother has no interest in my children, even though he has two children of his own. My children mean very little to him. I am not so unfeeling toward his children, but I am not him. Accept your sister's limitations, OP, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My point is that you accused people of "twisting the facts" - but that's incorrect. The facts weren't known, and after OP clarified them, no one has "twisted the facts."

In fact, I am reluctant to trust OP's "facts" because she seems pretty self-centered, and such people often can't help but present a version of the "facts" that makes them look more sympathetic. Of course, the sister could just be a bitch, too - who knows? But I do know this - based on OP's version of the situation, in her own words and likely crafted to make her appear sympathetic, I wouldn't want to spend any more time with her than I had to.

Ok, so lets review. You incorrectly filled in the blanks in OPs story with your own negative information. This made you develop a bad impression of OP based on your own invented conclusions and are going to stick with that negative impression despite evidence to the contrary?

This says a lot about you.

Are you a lawyer?

Please read more carefully:

"But I do know this - based on OP's version of the situation, in her own words and likely crafted to make her appear sympathetic, I wouldn't want to spend any more time with her than I had to."

Perhaps I should have included, "including her later clarifications" as well. Based on her take on the situation, I think she's unreasonable. You apparently disagree. Bully for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with the brother with dogs again. Why are some of you so focused on the dogs issue, which I only used as a reason why my folks stay with my brother (so the dogs can be together, and so my kids can feel safe in their own home), and nobody seems to focus on the fact that these people couldn't be bothered to cross the river to see me in the hospital???

well the hospital thing is weird, granted.

so your parents bring their dogs with them when they fly 2 hours? if they didn't bring their dogs, would they stay at your house instead?

and by the way, I WISH MY FRIGGIN INLAWS WOULD STAY AT MY BRO-IN-LAWS HOUSE SOMETIMES. They ALWAYS stay at my house (which is bigger, but still). Drives me nuts. Be thankful.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not reading through all this because I'm sure a bunch of sour puss bitches are jumping all over you.

I can see why you think your sister sucks. She does, she sucks bad. My 28yr old single sister with a very active social calendar jumps at the opportunity to watch my small children and drives an hour from one end of NoVA to the other end of NoVA through traffic to do so. That is what family does. There are other ways I've helped my sister out, in financial ways. We are sisters and we do things for each other to help each other out.

Furthermore, your mom kind of sucks too.

Sorry for you. My inlaws are pretty crappy as well, I'm grateful to at least have one side of the family that is a true family that sticks together and likeds doing kind and thoughtful things for each other.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do not know how you still can be bothered with your family. Do they have any redeeming characteristics? After the BS with DC#2 they would not have been invited back. Frankly I would have barred them from the hospital and turned them away from my door.

If you want to stay in contact with your mom, then make it clear that not choosing, is still making a choice.

[Anonymous]

Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

[Anonymous]

PP with dog "issues" here. Parents have one dog, brother has 2. Parents don't usually fly, but when they do, they don't bring the dog. Usually they drive (16 hours) so that they CAN bring the dog (and to save $$). When they fly, they split the time b/w mine and my brother's house (yet, they bitch about brother's house b/c I have a colonial w/1 set of stairs, brother has a 5 level townhouse.....)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

Absolutely. And what in the hell does that have to do with the weekend? Mom isn't bailing on taking care of the kids - she did that already. It's all about how the weekend - when presumably the kids aren't in daycare - will be spent. I'm also not sure who suggested OP is taking advantage of her mother - that's nto the point here. That OP is whiney and self-centered, and Mom likely would like to spend some time alone with her other daughter? Yes.

If you're going to lecture people on reading comprehension, you should at least have a good grasp of the facts yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with dog "issues" here. Parents have one dog, brother has 2. Parents don't usually fly, but when they do, they don't bring the dog. Usually they drive (16 hours) so that they CAN bring the dog (and to save $$). When they fly, they split the time b/w mine and my brother's house (yet, they bitch about brother's house b/c I have a colonial w/1 set of stairs, brother has a 5 level townhouse.....)

so if your kids weren't scared of the dogs, they would probably rather stay at your house? I don't see what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Despite being a mom w/2 kids and I have to say that there are many who think that we act as if the world revolves around us. And I think they are RIGHT.

Just because we have young kids doesn't mean our friends/family HAS to make accommodation all the time for our additional needs. Yes it would be nice but it doesn't make them nasty/selfish for not doing it enough.

My best friend doesn't have kids (and incidentally is my kids godmother). She has (nicely) pointed out that she is always visiting me, helping me, listening to me talk about my kids. She is right--friendship should go both ways. So now I make a point of also meeting where there are NO kids where I can focus on her.

OP, all you have talked about is how your family hasn't helped you more, but what have YOU done for your sister or mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

Absolutely. And what in the hell does that have to do with the weekend? Mom isn't bailing on taking care of the kids - she did that already. It's all about how the weekend - when presumably the kids aren't in daycare - will be spent. I'm also not sure who suggested OP is taking advantage of her mother - that's nto the point here. That OP is whiney and self-centered, and Mom likely would like to spend some time alone with her other daughter? Yes.

If you're going to lecture people on reading comprehension, you should at least have a good grasp of the facts yourself.

I don't see anything wrong with mom wanting to spend alone time with the other daughter, but the entire weekend is a bit much. If you had family from out of town in the area Monday through Sunday and you worked full time, wouldn't you like to spend time with them on the weekend? How would you feel if come the weekend, all your guests made plans to do fun things but left you alone? Weekends are prime family time. You are comparing apples and oranges. But you know that.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything wrong with mom wanting to spend alone time with the other daughter, but the entire weekend is a bit much. If you had family from out of town in the area Monday through Sunday and you worked full time, wouldn't you like to spend time with them on the weekend? How would you feel if come the weekend, all your guests made plans to do fun things but left you alone? Weekends are prime family time. You are comparing apples and oranges. But you know that.

I'd hopefully have enough grace and common sense to realize that it's not all about me. I'd maybe think that it's sometimes difficult for two adults to have a meaningful conversation, as a mother and daughter might want to do, with small children and other adults around. I'd maybe think that perhaps my childless sister and mother (who just spent five days with my family) might not want to do child-friendly things this weekend. And in a rare bout of self-reflection, I might speculate that perhaps I display a self-entitled attitude that further poisons the relationship between me and my sister.

But apparently not everyone feels that way.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything wrong with mom wanting to spend alone time with the other daughter, but the entire weekend is a bit much. If you had family from out of town in the area Monday through Sunday and you worked full time, wouldn't you like to spend time with them on the weekend? How would you feel if come the weekend, all your guests made plans to do fun things but left you alone? Weekends are prime family time. You are comparing apples and oranges. But you know that.

I'd hopefully have enough grace and common sense to realize that it's not all about me. I'd maybe think that it's sometimes difficult for two adults to have a meaningful conversation, as a mother and daughter might want to do, with small children and other adults around. I'd maybe think that perhaps my childless sister and mother (who just spent five days with my family) might not want to do child-friendly things this weekend. And in a rare bout of self-reflection, I might speculate that perhaps I display a self-entitled attitude that further poisons the relationship between me and my sister.

But apparently not everyone feels that way.

That is some looooooong conversation the two of them are going to have. Starts 5PM Friday and goes until 6PM Sunday night!

I think this is more about making a point to exclude the rest of the family. Marking territory.