My sister sucks

[Anonymous]

They weren't excluded. Just that the activities are not conducive to young kids and their nap schedules. Like winery hopping. Just because grown ups don't want to do kiddie stuff doesn't mean they suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

Absolutely. And what in the hell does that have to do with the weekend? Mom isn't bailing on taking care of the kids - she did that already. It's all about how the weekend - when presumably the kids aren't in daycare - will be spent. I'm also not sure who suggested OP is taking advantage of her mother - that's nto the point here. That OP is whiney and self-centered, and Mom likely would like to spend some time alone with her other daughter? Yes.

If you're going to lecture people on reading comprehension, you should at least have a good grasp of the facts yourself.

I was referring to specific instances of people saying she took advantage of her mother for acting like she deserved child care. Sorry, once again, read better.

[Anonymous]

I'd hopefully have enough grace and common sense to realize that it's not all about me. I'd maybe think that it's sometimes difficult for two adults to have a meaningful conversation, as a mother and daughter might want to do, with small children and other adults around. I'd maybe think that perhaps my childless sister and mother (who just spent five days with my family) might not want to do child-friendly things this weekend. And in a rare bout of self-reflection, I might speculate that perhaps I display a self-entitled attitude that further poisons the relationship between me and my sister.

But apparently not everyone feels that way.

Ok Dr. Phil. You may want us all to think that is how you'd respond, because it looks so selfless on paper, but I doubt if you were in the same boat you'd act this way. There is a lot of history here that can't be ignored. You are telling me that if your sister stood you up 2 weeks before your due date and made a point of snubbing the birth of your child, you'd be this selfless and gracious?

BULLSHIT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'd hopefully have enough grace and common sense to realize that it's not all about me. I'd maybe think that it's sometimes difficult for two adults to have a meaningful conversation, as a mother and daughter might want to do, with small children and other adults around. I'd maybe think that perhaps my childless sister and mother (who just spent five days with my family) might not want to do child-friendly things this weekend. And in a rare bout of self-reflection, I might speculate that perhaps I display a self-entitled attitude that further poisons the relationship between me and my sister.

But apparently not everyone feels that way.

Ok Dr. Phil. You may want us all to think that is how you'd respond, because it looks so selfless on paper, but I doubt if you were in the same boat you'd act this way. There is a lot of history here that can't be ignored. You are telling me that if your sister stood you up 2 weeks before your due date and made a point of snubbing the birth of your child, you'd be this selfless and gracious?

BULLSHIT.

Exactly! I mean come on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

Absolutely. And what in the hell does that have to do with the weekend? Mom isn't bailing on taking care of the kids - she did that already. It's all about how the weekend - when presumably the kids aren't in daycare - will be spent. I'm also not sure who suggested OP is taking advantage of her mother - that's nto the point here. That OP is whiney and self-centered, and Mom likely would like to spend some time alone with her other daughter? Yes.

If you're going to lecture people on reading comprehension, you should at least have a good grasp of the facts yourself.

I was referring to specific instances of people saying she took advantage of her mother for acting like she deserved child care. Sorry, once again, read better.

Yet your conclusion was that "Her sister does suck." How does that follow from your point (that I agree with, by the way) that OP isn't taking advantage of her mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'd hopefully have enough grace and common sense to realize that it's not all about me. I'd maybe think that it's sometimes difficult for two adults to have a meaningful conversation, as a mother and daughter might want to do, with small children and other adults around. I'd maybe think that perhaps my childless sister and mother (who just spent five days with my family) might not want to do child-friendly things this weekend. And in a rare bout of self-reflection, I might speculate that perhaps I display a self-entitled attitude that further poisons the relationship between me and my sister.

But apparently not everyone feels that way.

Ok Dr. Phil. You may want us all to think that is how you'd respond, because it looks so selfless on paper, but I doubt if you were in the same boat you'd act this way. There is a lot of history here that can't be ignored. You are telling me that if your sister stood you up 2 weeks before your due date and made a point of snubbing the birth of your child, you'd be this selfless and gracious?

BULLSHIT.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't hold on to that grudge for a long time, and allow it to define my relationship with my sister. I hopefully wouldn't use it to pin every perceived slight on her (let's remember her that it's the mother that is leaving. Despite OP's professed low opinion of mom's ability to make her own decisions, OP apparently trusted her to take care of her kids for a week, so she presumably isn't a total weak-willed half-wit). I certainly wouldn't use it as an excuse to be a selfish twit.

[Anonymous]

ack, the thread was moved. i feel like once threads are moved to less trafficked forums, they die out much quicker.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow. I'm kind of surprised this got as much traction as it did!!

One of the reasons I posted (besides venting) was to get a reality check. Looks like the responses ran from "your family is horrid, why do you even associate with them" to the more reasonable "fault on all sides here" to "its all your fault, selfish OP."

I'm actually kind of really glad for the last category. I'm certain that is how my sister sees things, so this helps me see the situation through her eyes. I wasn't doing that very well before.

To clear up some of the confusion, we are indeed paying my mom for her time this week. She volunteered to do it - I was going to hire a temp nanny for the week, but she really insisted on coming out to fill in. So for those of you thinking I'm getting free child care or taking advantage, that really isn't the case here.

I don't begrudge my sister her weekend time with my mom, or my mom having a quiet weekend. If that is what they all want (and maybe it is), that's fine. But no one communicated it that way to me. All I heard was a voice mail from my sis saying "We are picking mom up on Friday, dropping her back off on Sunday." I have no idea what their plans are this weekend. We were NOT invited. (15:39 - this goes to your comment).

Since it is the one weekend they are here, I really did envision some kind of fun family activity. Not every day all day. I was really just thinking of one of the two weekend mornings. As I said, my kids are up at 6, and both parents are up by 5. My sis and her husband roll out of bed around 11. We could all go out for breakfast and hit up a park and be back before they even wake up.

I'm sure if I pried a little I could find out what they are doing and see if we could tag along. But usually that causes more tension than is worthwhile, because sis makes it pretty clear we aren't welcome during "her" time. So be it.

I think I just wanted some of the families some PPs discussed - where your family is your safety net, you enjoy outings together, watch each others kids, heck, even do vacations together.

But as PP said, I need to accept the family I have. It is what it is. I just need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Since it is the one weekend they are here, I really did envision some kind of fun family activity. Not every day all day. I was really just thinking of one of the two weekend mornings. As I said, my kids are up at 6, and both parents are up by 5. My sis and her husband roll out of bed around 11. We could all go out for breakfast and hit up a park and be back before they even wake up.

OP - it's interesting that when you talk about family time, you aren't including your sister and her husband - just your mom, husband and kids. Given that, I don't see how you can criticize your sister for not including you in her plans. It does seem like a competition - who gets to spend more time with Mom - (or more charitably, an honest desire to spend time with 3 generations) and while I understand your desire for some weekend time, You mother has been at your house for 5 nights, when you've presumably visited with her. Tough to see how her spending 2 nights with your sister in unreasonable.

I do think your mother is the main problem here, if she's as easily manipulated and weak-willed as you suggest. She needs to tell her daughters what she wants. That'll take care of a lot of the problems, although it's apparent you and your sister aren't, and won't be, close.

[Anonymous]

Your mom likes your sister more.

Having kids was not enough to make your mom like you more.

Sorry, your mom sucks. And your sister sucks for knowing how your mom behaves and exploiting that.

You can't make them like you. Accept who they are and next year when your provider takes off, find a back up provider in the area and pay them the normal rate.

If you need a babysitter, hire one. There are plenty available in this area.

[Anonymous]

Since it is the one weekend they are here, I really did envision some kind of fun family activity. Not every day all day. I was really just thinking of one of the two weekend mornings. As I said, my kids are up at 6, and both parents are up by 5. My sis and her husband roll out of bed around 11. We could all go out for breakfast and hit up a park and be back before they even wake up.


OP - it's interesting that when you talk about family time, you aren't including your sister and her husband - just your mom, husband and kids. Given that, I don't see how you can criticize your sister for not including you in her plans. It does seem like a competition - who gets to spend more time with Mom - (or more charitably, an honest desire to spend time with 3 generations) and while I understand your desire for some weekend time, You mother has been at your house for 5 nights, when you've presumably visited with her. Tough to see how her spending 2 nights with your sister in unreasonable.

I do think your mother is the main problem here, if she's as easily manipulated and weak-willed as you suggest. She needs to tell her daughters what she wants. That'll take care of a lot of the problems, although it's apparent you and your sister aren't, and won't be, close.

OP here. You are right. I assumed they wouldn't want to come with, since they usually don't want to join us in family activities. They would be welcome, though. In my mind, I was selfishly thinking of a nice photo op of the kids at the park with the grandparents for the scrapbook. But they were here all week, so we have photos. Just not from outings like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. My sister and I have a strained relationship, but when it comes to the kids in our family (all of the kids on both sides) they are always top priority. Everyone bends over backwards for births, illnesses, and other times of need. End of story. That is what family does. For all those out there who are calling OP selfish, they are just deprived and haven't been lucky enough to have a close-knit family. It takes a village to raise a child, not a deserted, nuclear family island. All of these people who have raised their kids on a island are bitter because they have no clue what they missed out on. So they just call the village people selfish and self centered.

I am not self centered. I am family centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord people, come on. The stuff she said is objectively annoying. Her mom is coming in specifically to provide child care while the daycare is closed. What is so hard to understand about that? It's not like, "oh, well, while you happen to be here, can you watch my kids?" That was the arrangement and so all of you people acting like she's taking advantage can't read apparently. Her sister does suck. No question about it.

Absolutely. And what in the hell does that have to do with the weekend? Mom isn't bailing on taking care of the kids - she did that already. It's all about how the weekend - when presumably the kids aren't in daycare - will be spent. I'm also not sure who suggested OP is taking advantage of her mother - that's nto the point here. That OP is whiney and self-centered, and Mom likely would like to spend some time alone with her other daughter? Yes.

If you're going to lecture people on reading comprehension, you should at least have a good grasp of the facts yourself.

I was referring to specific instances of people saying she took advantage of her mother for acting like she deserved child care. Sorry, once again, read better.

Yet your conclusion was that "Her sister does suck." How does that follow from your point (that I agree with, by the way) that OP isn't taking advantage of her mom?

I said the stuff, meaning all of her complaints, were objectively annoying. Ergo, I believe her sister does indeed suck. Conclusion drawn that actually relates back to what I said. I used ONE example. I hope that clears things up for you. And I still believe her sister sucks.

[Anonymous]

Ok Dr. Phil. You may want us all to think that is how you'd respond, because it looks so selfless on paper, but I doubt if you were in the same boat you'd act this way. There is a lot of history here that can't be ignored. You are telling me that if your sister stood you up 2 weeks before your due date and made a point of snubbing the birth of your child, you'd be this selfless and gracious?

BULLSHIT.



I'd like to think that I wouldn't hold on to that grudge for a long time, and allow it to define my relationship with my sister. I hopefully wouldn't use it to pin every perceived slight on her (let's remember her that it's the mother that is leaving. Despite OP's professed low opinion of mom's ability to make her own decisions, OP apparently trusted her to take care of her kids for a week, so she presumably isn't a total weak-willed half-wit). I certainly wouldn't use it as an excuse to be a selfish twit.

If someone did those things to you and you completely disregarded it, as you suggest you would, you are foolish. A foolish doormat.

[Anonymous]

Your mom watched your kids all week???? You are so lucky.