When did it become OK to skip 'thank you' notes for birthday gifts?

[Anonymous]

I appreciate getting thank-you notes and I like sending them. When I receive a note/card, I hold on to them for quite a while. Homemade ones I usually keep. I enjoy writing thank-you notes and try to not only just thank the person, but explain how the gift will be used. That being said, I don't get upset if I don't receive one. Getting a phone calls are fine and I enjoy getting thank-you emails as much as the snail mail cards. I do have friends that don't send thank-you cards; that is just them. We're still friends and I don't think less of them. I send them cards - not to make a point, but because I enjoy sending cards.

To the PP who posted about people not opening emails - my computer allows me to view emails and the content without technically opening an email.

[Anonymous]

To the OP - I think you got some very nice and thoughtful posts on the first page or two about thank you notes. I hope they were helpful. I think the next four pages can best be categorized as a class war. What everyone is missing about this haywire thread is that the tone is now about class, not about manners. If you were raised in a home where elbows never hit the table, food was chewed with mouth closed, and silverware was used only for eating and not for pointing, then you get the concept of thank you notes (when to use and when not to use). Because good breeding is most obvious in the use of good manners, those that don't have them, or don't want to develop them, just want everyone else to forget them as well, because it makes them more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm hooked ......why should anyone care what "Amy Vanderbilt" thinks and why would you give her the power to define your behavior?

Because Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt wrote the premier books on manners, they are the Merrium Webster of manners. I was quoting her in order to back up my point. I use her book as a guide. You should buy a copy...you might like it and find it helpful.

Our country is far to heterogenous to assume that the dictates of these two "women" apply. I use quotes because both of the actual woman died over 30 years ago, so now it's just some self-appointed heirs cashing in on their names, deciding what is/is not proper manners.

Then don't buy her book...you are the one that asked darling...I was just trying to help you out and be kind.

Actually, I didn't ask. That was another poster.

Do you see the irony in relying on etiquette in your snarky post? Do Ms. Post or Ms. Vanderbilt say it's polite to refer to me as "darling?"

I was using darling as a term of endearment...so sorry if you were offended....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm hooked ......why should anyone care what "Amy Vanderbilt" thinks and why would you give her the power to define your behavior?

Because Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt wrote the premier books on manners, they are the Merrium Webster of manners. I was quoting her in order to back up my point. I use her book as a guide. You should buy a copy...you might like it and find it helpful.

Our country is far to heterogenous to assume that the dictates of these two "women" apply. I use quotes because both of the actual woman died over 30 years ago, so now it's just some self-appointed heirs cashing in on their names, deciding what is/is not proper manners.

Then don't buy her book...you are the one that asked darling...I was just trying to help you out and be kind.

Actually, I didn't ask. That was another poster.

Do you see the irony in relying on etiquette in your snarky post? Do Ms. Post or Ms. Vanderbilt say it's polite to refer to me as "darling?"

I'm not the one who posted this, but that seems to be the irony of this entire thread. The people who are insisting that not sending thank you notes is the root of society's ills are the ones who are rude, condescending and manner-less. Maybe the carpal tunnel syndrome from all that writing morphed into a personality disorder...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I use her book as a guide. "

I wonder how many men, especially sucessful ones or those in positions of power read these books? There was another book on how to find a husband in a year that was very populat a few years back too. Scary.

There are books and courses on business ettiquette and both of those books include business chapters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - I think you got some very nice and thoughtful posts on the first page or two about thank you notes. I hope they were helpful. I think the next four pages can best be categorized as a class war. What everyone is missing about this haywire thread is that the tone is now about class, not about manners. If you were raised in a home where elbows never hit the table, food was chewed with mouth closed, and silverware was used only for eating and not for pointing, then you get the concept of thank you notes (when to use and when not to use). Because good breeding is most obvious in the use of good manners, those that don't have them, or don't want to develop them, just want everyone else to forget them as well, because it makes them more comfortable.

Truth that This Poster Will Never Understand: A person who actually has good manners and class would never, ever, ever have written this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - I think you got some very nice and thoughtful posts on the first page or two about thank you notes. I hope they were helpful. I think the next four pages can best be categorized as a class war. What everyone is missing about this haywire thread is that the tone is now about class, not about manners. If you were raised in a home where elbows never hit the table, food was chewed with mouth closed, and silverware was used only for eating and not for pointing, then you get the concept of thank you notes (when to use and when not to use). Because good breeding is most obvious in the use of good manners, those that don't have them, or don't want to develop them, just want everyone else to forget them as well, because it makes them more comfortable.

Truth that This Poster Will Never Understand: A person who actually has good manners and class would never, ever, ever have written this post.

Is that from Emily Post as well?

[Anonymous]

"I use her book as a guide. "

I" wonder how many men, especially sucessful ones or those in positions of power read these books? There was another book on how to find a husband in a year that was very populat a few years back too. Scary."

"There are books and courses on business ettiquette and both of those books include business chapters."

You really think the Forbes 500 CEOs are reading the business chapters in Emily Post and Amy Vanderbuilt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - I think you got some very nice and thoughtful posts on the first page or two about thank you notes. I hope they were helpful. I think the next four pages can best be categorized as a class war. What everyone is missing about this haywire thread is that the tone is now about class, not about manners. If you were raised in a home where elbows never hit the table, food was chewed with mouth closed, and silverware was used only for eating and not for pointing, then you get the concept of thank you notes (when to use and when not to use). Because good breeding is most obvious in the use of good manners, those that don't have them, or don't want to develop them, just want everyone else to forget them as well, because it makes them more comfortable.

Truth that This Poster Will Never Understand: A person who actually has good manners and class would never, ever, ever have written this post.

Is that from Emily Post as well?

Nope - just me. Gracious, compassionate, polite, sane, classy me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I use her book as a guide. "

I" wonder how many men, especially sucessful ones or those in positions of power read these books? There was another book on how to find a husband in a year that was very populat a few years back too. Scary."

"There are books and courses on business ettiquette and both of those books include business chapters."

You really think the Forbes 500 CEOs are reading the business chapters in Emily Post and Amy Vanderbuilt?

The fact that you are even asking this says how little you know about businessmen.

[Anonymous]

This is classic. I'm sitting here with my popcorn, and my feet up on the desk. (Clearly, I wasn't a product of "good breeding" as suggested by classy lady #1)

This is terrific entertainment. YOU have bad manners. No, YOU have bad manners. No, your manners are so bad, I bet you were raised in a barn! Oh yeah? Your manners are so bad, you must've chewed with your mouth open! Oh yeah???!! YEAH!! Well, your mother's ugly and dresses you funny!

And I love the Mom's pulling out the ultimate dig: "I hope you don't have any kids if you think ..."

That one seems to come out on every thread...

All we need now is a mud pit.

[Anonymous]

I worked for a CEO of a very well known DC corporation for 4 years, and I wrote more thank you notes than I can count. He dictated them, and I wrote them because his handwriting was atrocious! He signed them though...and obsessed over the stationery when it was time to order more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is classic. I'm sitting here with my popcorn, and my feet up on the desk. (Clearly, I wasn't a product of "good breeding" as suggested by classy lady #1)

This is terrific entertainment. YOU have bad manners. No, YOU have bad manners. No, your manners are so bad, I bet you were raised in a barn! Oh yeah? Your manners are so bad, you must've chewed with your mouth open! Oh yeah???!! YEAH!! Well, your mother's ugly and dresses you funny!

And I love the Mom's pulling out the ultimate dig: "I hope you don't have any kids if you think ..."

That one seems to come out on every thread...

All we need now is a mud pit.

I certainly hope you have no kids of your own if you think we classy women should slog it out in a mud pit...oh forget it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is the best entertainment I've had all day. I do wonder though whether all this nonsense and the cat fights is why even though we make up something like 51% of the voting population, we still can't get a women in the White House other than in the role to write TY notes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is classic. I'm sitting here with my popcorn, and my feet up on the desk. (Clearly, I wasn't a product of "good breeding" as suggested by classy lady #1)

This is terrific entertainment. YOU have bad manners. No, YOU have bad manners. No, your manners are so bad, I bet you were raised in a barn! Oh yeah? Your manners are so bad, you must've chewed with your mouth open! Oh yeah???!! YEAH!! Well, your mother's ugly and dresses you funny!

And I love the Mom's pulling out the ultimate dig: "I hope you don't have any kids if you think ..."

That one seems to come out on every thread...

All we need now is a mud pit.

Really? This one makes me a little sad. I get the passion behind the firestorms over BF v. formula, natural birth v. technology-embracing, CIO v. AP. This seems just nasty without any real purpose.