When did it become OK to skip 'thank you' notes for birthday gifts?

[Anonymous]

You made the point perfectly!

[Anonymous]

I don't write thankyou notes -- because i wasn't taught to growing up. I do love getting them and also wonder about gifts I've given when i don't get one. Writing thank you notes is a habit I've been meaning to acquire, but I'm still stumped by it. It didn't occur to me until last year that you can send any old card and write 'thank you' on it. I kept wondering where 'thank you' cards were at cvs....where do you buy nice cards to send as thank you cards, anyway? (No, I'm not being sarcastic and no, i'm not an idiot.)

[Anonymous]

I bought a bunch of cards from the Cracker Barrel that have my last initial on them. I use these for thank you cards.

[Anonymous]

We make our own. I just bought blank card stock from the art supply store (or get it at Michael's or one of those). We either print out an appropriate picture and paste it on the front or use a stamp and ink pad. I picked up a set of stamps that have everything-Happy Birthday, Father's day, thank you, etc. That saves me from having to run out and buy any cards.

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking about this. I don't know where all these PPs live, but my children have been to more than 30 b-day parties, and only once did we NOT receive a thank-you note. We did attend the child's birthday the following year, and we got a note that time.

So I think the art of writing thank-you notes is still very much alive in many places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about this. I don't know where all these PPs live, but my children have been to more than 30 b-day parties, and only once did we NOT receive a thank-you note. We did attend the child's birthday the following year, and we got a note that time.

So I think the art of writing thank-you notes is still very much alive in many places.

I'm glad to hear that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is honestly too short for this type of nonsense. I can't believe you are sitting around obsessing about this. Thank you notes were great in the 19th C, but nowadays (most) people are too busy with careers, children, relationships, extra-curricular stuff. I don't bother with thank-you notes, when people send them to me I just find it irritating.

Yeah, we're all too busy for a thank-you note. Just like I'm too busy to take the time to pick out a gift that I think the receiver will like--let's see: 20 min. to drive to the store, another 15-20 if I'm lucky, to pick something out, and then another 20 home--an hour on a good day. But I do it anyway, and yes, I expect that the person will take 5 minutes out of their life to thank me in some way--call, e-mail, or snail mail. It's called good manners, in whatever century you find yourself. And it's really unbelievable that anyone would find it irritating to be thanked.

If you really spend an hour picking out gifts for every 5-year old's birthday party your kid gets invited to then I pity you. You either have a very empty life or a very skewed set of priorities.

How about this? 1 minute in target when you are there anyway. I believe this more accurately reflects what most people do, rather than your special little (btw, environmentally destructive) expedition?

[Anonymous]

You are horrible -- I spend 20-30 dollars--usually at Child's Play--sorry no Target in Tenelytown--I work full time so I have to go on the weekend--it is a melee in there--I've got my 3 kids with me and usually a migraine coming on. Why? Try getting a thoughtless gift and passing it off around these parts--your kid might not get any more invites--and my kids love parties and love their friends. In our neighborhood of 800k+ houses/ with incomes to match it's not asking too much. And get a clue, order your kid some stationary at a Party Store for gosh-sakes-what? 10 bucks? Write a thank you note. Stop being a philistine.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of doing this before...well, for a 5 year old kids birthday party at least. Weddings and baby showers (or maybe even a first birthday), yes, but I have never gotten thank you notes for gifts when I was younger and I never sent them either.

[Anonymous]

"Good manners" exist to make daily life more pleasant for all of us. Has anyone ever been offended or sad because she or he found, amongst the daily pile of bills and junk mail, a personal note from a friend or relation on an attractive or home-made card acknowledging a kindness? I doubt it (except perhaps for the PP using the environment as an excuse). Thank-you notes, like any social nicety, are not required for survival, but they certainly make life more pleasant!

I agree also that regardless of the prevalence of thank-you notes in your social circle, they are a crucial professional skill and people who neglect them do suffer whether they are aware of it or not. I have seen candidates removed from consideration for a job because they didn't send thank-you notes or emails for their interviews. And assuming that the CEO is male and the assistant is female is what's sexist, not an executive delegating responsibilities to the person she or he hired for that very purpose.

I personally am very glad my mother taught me this life skill and I plan to teach it to my children as well.

[Anonymous]

As a dad, I've noticed a real decline in "thank you note" manners and it's unfortunate. My parents had me write thank you notes as a kid and they weren't just "thanks for the gift" - I had to put some thought into it. With young children, you don't expect much, but we've given pretty generous gifts for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs (recipients are 13) and the notes back are pretty appalling, in my opinion.

With our son (5 years old), we've had him sign his name to thank you notes this year for b-day gifts and he's not too happy about having to do "so many." We've told him if he doesn't sign the cards, we'd have to return the gifts because it's just not polite not to thank someone for a gift.

We're not "super-traditional manners" parents -- we're fine with kids calling us by our first names etc., but thank you note manners are important for us.

[Anonymous]

"You are horrible -- I spend 20-30 dollars--usually at Child's Play--sorry no Target in Tenelytown--I work full time so I have to go on the weekend--it is a melee in there--I've got my 3 kids with me and usually a migraine coming on. Why? Try getting a thoughtless gift and passing it off around these parts--your kid might not get any more invites--and my kids love parties and love their friends. In our neighborhood of 800k+ houses/ with incomes to match it's not asking too much. And get a clue, order your kid some stationary at a Party Store for gosh-sakes-what? 10 bucks? Write a thank you note. Stop being a philistine."

Umm..I think you made the PP's point for her. You are tired yet you are searching for an expensive gift so your kids will continue to be invited to expensive birthdays. Their friends are so shallow that if you do not buy an expensive gift, your poor children will be outcasts in the community and shunned from future social interactions.

[Anonymous]

How about this -- end all the debate - this crazy long thread - and just say:

1. I am the kind of person who sends thank you notes and feels good about it.
2. I am NOT the kind of person who sends thank you notes and feels good about it.

Most likely the only people who will ever notice or judge whether you are a "1" or a "2" are in your immediate social circle and the only opinions that have a slim chance of mattering. All kindnesses (or lack there of) will be reciprocated in time. Otherwise, do you really care if someone on DCUM approves of your "1" or "2" status? Do you really think they are coming to your child's next birthday party?

I don't really get this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about this. I don't know where all these PPs live, but my children have been to more than 30 b-day parties, and only once did we NOT receive a thank-you note. We did attend the child's birthday the following year, and we got a note that time.

So I think the art of writing thank-you notes is still very much alive in many places.

I agree with this. We routinely receive thank you notes from children (or their parents) for birthday gifts; not receiving one is very rare.

[Anonymous]

It's nice to get a thank you card, and I strive to send them when I can.

I also don't mind when I do not receive a thank you card, and also hope that when I do not get around to sending one, someone is not stressing over it.

We always bring gifts, but if someone came w/o a gift, no sweat.

We are all busy, and life is too short.