When did it become OK to skip 'thank you' notes for birthday gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have anything to offer that hasn't already been said in 9 PAGES of posts, but I just had to ask . . . am I the only one who's stunned that this topic has gotten so many views and responses? Who would have guessed this was such a hot issue?!

Nope, you're not the only one. While I participated in the beginning of this thread DAYS ago only to point out that you can buy recycled stationary and recycle notes you receive in the mail, I can't believe the topic has gotten this much attention and that "to send a TY note or not to send a TY note" is such a hot topic. Kind of pathetic, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have anything to offer that hasn't already been said in 9 PAGES of posts, but I just had to ask . . . am I the only one who's stunned that this topic has gotten so many views and responses? Who would have guessed this was such a hot issue?!

Nope, you're not the only one. While I participated in the beginning of this thread DAYS ago only to point out that you can buy recycled stationary and recycle notes you receive in the mail, I can't believe the topic has gotten this much attention and that "to send a TY note or not to send a TY note" is such a hot topic. Kind of pathetic, ladies.

You just called yourself pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OMG - TEN pages now!!!

Well, ELEVEN, do I hear ELEVEN?!?!

[Anonymous]

This thread's interest is no longer about the pro's and con's of thank you notes. People are now just in it for the argument. It's interesting to see the different perspectives people bring to the topic (it doesn't really matter what topic it is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have anything to offer that hasn't already been said in 9 PAGES of posts, but I just had to ask . . . am I the only one who's stunned that this topic has gotten so many views and responses? Who would have guessed this was such a hot issue?!

Nope, you're not the only one. While I participated in the beginning of this thread DAYS ago only to point out that you can buy recycled stationary and recycle notes you receive in the mail, I can't believe the topic has gotten this much attention and that "to send a TY note or not to send a TY note" is such a hot topic. Kind of pathetic, ladies.

ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This bothers me too. Growing up, the only time we didn't send thank you cards were for Christmas presents. This annoys me beyond words-it gets underneath my skin. I've given gifts to a family friend, a baby present for her new son and pair of darling crocs for her daughter's birthday-and never received a thank you card. It's almost as if there is a sense of entitlement and it's BAD MANNERS!

I think people just don't know what "good manners" are to begin with. Good manners need to be taught at home. We're trying to teach my 3 yo daughter good manners now. If we say, "That's good manners" she will repeat her behavior. If we say, "That's not good manners" she will be aware not to do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:off topic but somewhat related re: manners in general...I am also appalled at people who:

1. attend a wedding and never sendany gift - does NOT have to be expensive - just SOMETHING
2. people who do not RSVP

I'm surprised about this since weddings are pretty formal, need a head count for food and all. Once, I didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift I UPS'd. I know the gift arrived but since the happily married couple left for their honeymoon and I left for maternity leave soon after the wedding, I never got a chance to ask. I still wonder if the gift was misplaced at their house or they didn't like it.

[Anonymous]

"I still wonder if the gift was misplaced at their house or they didn't like it."

The TY note will never tell you whether they liked the gift or not. Even a sentence saying we use it to do such and such could very well be a white lie. Everyone just needs to accept that sometimes you find the perfect gift and sometimes you don't and you probably will not know nor should you....life goes, you shall survive.

For those of you passively pining away at whether your gift was received..did it ever occur to you to ask whether such and such gift arrived? My relatives in CA don't send TYs, we have no problem with it. When we talk with them we simply ask if such and such arrived on time. Once something did get missplaced and we tracked it down at Grandmas. For anyone other than distant acquaintances, why is it so hard to have a simple conversation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:off topic but somewhat related re: manners in general...I am also appalled at people who:

1. attend a wedding and never sendany gift - does NOT have to be expensive - just SOMETHING
2. people who do not RSVP

I'm surprised about this since weddings are pretty formal, need a head count for food and all. Once, I didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift I UPS'd. I know the gift arrived but since the happily married couple left for their honeymoon and I left for maternity leave soon after the wedding, I never got a chance to ask. I still wonder if the gift was misplaced at their house or they didn't like it.

I know, I had the same situation. I have NO idea if they ever received their gift. It's the height of rudeness.

Also, I was a little late on my own thank-you notes after my honeymoon, and I had three people ask me or my parents if I had received their gifts. I felt awful and I'll never forget it. First, I put them in the awkward situation of having to ask. I put my parents in the embarrassing position of having to "check and get back" to their friends. And it just wasn't nice of me not to acknowledge that I had received their gifts - all really nice gifts too.

So I learned my lesson years ago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I still wonder if the gift was misplaced at their house or they didn't like it."

The TY note will never tell you whether they liked the gift or not. Even a sentence saying we use it to do such and such could very well be a white lie. Everyone just needs to accept that sometimes you find the perfect gift and sometimes you don't and you probably will not know nor should you....life goes, you shall survive.

For those of you passively pining away at whether your gift was received..did it ever occur to you to ask whether such and such gift arrived? My relatives in CA don't send TYs, we have no problem with it. When we talk with them we simply ask if such and such arrived on time. Once something did get missplaced and we tracked it down at Grandmas. For anyone other than distant acquaintances, why is it so hard to have a simple conversation?

I'm the pp. I explained that I went on maternity leave and the couple left for their honey moon. When they returned 3 weeks later, I gave them a few weeks to get organized and then I had my hands full. I forgot about it as an urgent matter. But, you're right about the white lie.

[Anonymous]

What a thread! My question to those who have large parties where the gifts aren't opened: How goes the gift-opening later on at home? Do you and your child know who each gift is from and take a moment to acknowledge the giver's thoughtfulness? When opening large volumes of presents (i.e. Christmas) with my husband's family, I've observed that the kids just tear into gifts without the child or parent even reading the label as to who gave them then gift. All of a sudden there is a huge pile of wrapping paper and a bunch of gifts everywhere. We get a very broad, "Thank you Aunt XXX and Uncle YYYY" at the end of it all. I guess I am hoping this is not the norm? Maybe the holiday situation isn't comparable to the birthday situation?

For the birthday situation, like others, I too wonder if the honoree a) actually got the present (especially if it was at a venue which then required transport home) and b) whether they know who the gift is from. Receiving no acknowledgement (either by snail mail, phone call, email, or during the next visit) from either the child or the parent really leaves me wondering.

[Anonymous]

"Receiving no acknowledgement (either by snail mail, phone call, email, or during the next visit) from either the child or the parent really leaves me wondering"

We must all simply get over this. In the scenario you described the gift receiver may have no idea whether your brought a gift or which one it is. If you are getting a TY from one if these events chances are the receiver may not know you sent something or what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Receiving no acknowledgement (either by snail mail, phone call, email, or during the next visit) from either the child or the parent really leaves me wondering"

I love the idea of all these women sitting around in the absence of a thank-you card, wondering "did little johnny get my 20 dollar gift from target? Is he really enjoying it?".

Honestly, who cares if they got it, and really who cares if they are enjoying it. Kids are quite happy playing with mud, for god's sake. And what are you going to do if they didn't get the gift? if somehow it got lost in the party melee? will you get them another one?

No. After the party it is time to move on. Live your lives!
unless this is your life.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Receiving no acknowledgement (either by snail mail, phone call, email, or during the next visit) from either the child or the parent really leaves me wondering"

We must all simply get over this. In the scenario you described the gift receiver may have no idea whether your brought a gift or which one it is. If you are getting a TY from one if these events chances are the receiver may not know you sent something or what.

Are you kidding? Get over what? Your rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is honestly too short for this type of nonsense. I can't believe you are sitting around obsessing about this. Thank you notes were great in the 19th C, but nowadays (most) people are too busy with careers, children, relationships, extra-curricular stuff. I don't bother with thank-you notes, when people send them to me I just find it irritating.

Yeah, we're all too busy for a thank-you note. Just like I'm too busy to take the time to pick out a gift that I think the receiver will like--let's see: 20 min. to drive to the store, another 15-20 if I'm lucky, to pick something out, and then another 20 home--an hour on a good day. But I do it anyway, and yes, I expect that the person will take 5 minutes out of their life to thank me in some way--call, e-mail, or snail mail. It's called good manners, in whatever century you find yourself. And it's really unbelievable that anyone would find it irritating to be thanked.