Don't you wish your husband was more successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. When we graduated law school my husband worked for a big prestigious firm. He loved it. But he changed careers and is now a DCPS teacher. He loves this job even more than practicing law. He makes a real difference. I am so happy for him and so proud.

God bless this guy. And you for living on a DCPS teachers salary!

[Anonymous]

Aah, I've missed DCUM. I used to be a heavy user and just came back to check it out today and see this crazy ass topic.

Excellent partner, excellent father, and you're upset he doesn't make "enough" money. You chose him, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My husband has one of those jobs that stop people at parties - a bit of a dream job for many. He works really hard and is very talented, so I admire him for that, but he's not a huge high earner. But together our salaries mean we do great (I make about the same as he does). So he's successful but doesn't make a ton, which I suppose some people in this area would call not successful.

How proud you must be. (Sorry, you deserve this snark.) The next time I am at at party, I will "stop" and remark upon your husband.
She directly answered a direct question;

I didn't detect a hint of bragging.

Your jealousy is pathetic - almost as weak as your un-apology.

Then you must be pretty dense. I think my husband's job is pretty cool, but I definitely wouldn't phrase it the way that this poster did. Tacky.

Why are you people so obsessed with what is or isn't tacky? To the point that you read into things and see things that aren't there?

[Anonymous]

My DH is ambitious but also lucky. He makes around $250K. He travels about 5-7 days a month, but the rest of the time his job is SUPER flexible (way more than my job and I don't make half what he makes.) I hate the travel but it's totally worth it.

I wish he made more money of course, but I also wish I made more money and I wish we would win the lottery. But I'm very proud of him and I certainly can't complain about our current situation.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me appreciate my husband so much more. He is highly successful but chooses to work late into the night at home so that he can be blackberry/work free from dinner to bedtime. He is usually the one who makes breakfast for ther kids as well.

I'm fortunate.

[Anonymous]

No. If I wanted more money, I would try to get a higher paying job myself. I have an advanced degree, and the financial stability of our family is as much my job as it is his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is ambitious but also lucky. He makes around $250K. He travels about 5-7 days a month, but the rest of the time his job is SUPER flexible (way more than my job and I don't make half what he makes.) I hate the travel but it's totally worth it.

I wish he made more money of course, but I also wish I made more money and I wish we would win the lottery. But I'm very proud of him and I certainly can't complain about our current situation.

My DH makes $200 but doesn't travel at all. That's plenty of money for me. Oh, and I make $150K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we going to ignore the inherent sexism at play here? Why is the expectation that he be the breadwinner? How would you feel if he was commenting on a similar board about wishing you had a bigger rack or a skinnier waste or were better in bed or talked less?

I was wondering the same thing. There was a thread titled something like "How can I tell my wife she's getting fat?". I'm going to let you guess how kind the posters were to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Why is it sexist to expect one's spouse to have some ambition, be on a career path and participate in the breadearning? It sounds like that is OP's complaint, and I think it is very valid, especially if that was the expectation and agreement going into marriage and her DH has let her down.

[Anonymous]

"Are we going to ignore the inherent sexism at play here? Why is the expectation that he be the breadwinner? How would you feel if he was commenting on a similar board about wishing you had a bigger rack or a skinnier waste or were better in bed or talked less?"

Skinnier "waste"?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is ambitious but also lucky. He makes around $250K. He travels about 5-7 days a month, but the rest of the time his job is SUPER flexible (way more than my job and I don't make half what he makes.) I hate the travel but it's totally worth it.

I wish he made more money of course, but I also wish I made more money and I wish we would win the lottery. But I'm very proud of him and I certainly can't complain about our current situation.[/quote]

My DH makes $200 but doesn't travel at all. That's plenty of money for me. Oh, and I make $150K.[/quote]

PP here. Not sure what you're getting at. For us it's not all about the money. DH loves his job, is great at it, and is challenged in a way that I've never seen him be at other jobs. 25 days out of the month he is home eating dinner, giving baths, and attending preschool events. Like I said, I can't complain.

[Anonymous]

Interesting job. Well paid. Decent father and husband.

Pick any two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it sexist to expect one's spouse to have some ambition, be on a career path and participate in the breadearning? It sounds like that is OP's complaint, and I think it is very valid, especially if that was the expectation and agreement going into marriage and her DH has let her down.

If he had drive, ambition, and was raking in the money, he'd be fucking someone else. Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we going to ignore the inherent sexism at play here? Why is the expectation that he be the breadwinner? How would you feel if he was commenting on a similar board about wishing you had a bigger rack or a skinnier waste or were better in bed or talked less?

Not equal. If you want apples to apples, the OP would be complaining about the size of her man's you-know-what. Stereotyping goes both ways, you know. Earlier in our marriage, I happened to overhear my DH at a party participating in the normal grumbling with his friends (who were all married to the type of woman about which you hear that complaint - no or tiny income) about how the little wifey spends all the money. I let him know right then and there that I would not tolerate that, especially since the little wifey outearns him and makes 500K, which pays for a whole lot of his stuff that I see hanging around the house as I type this. Do I wish he made more? Sure. Do I wish I made more? Sure. I am, however, undyingly grateful for the fact that he makes me hot tea every morning, packs the lunches and takes the kids to the bus stop while I recover from the daily battle with the youngest over getting ready for school. Dealing with that every morning is a complete energy drain. We both have high stress jobs and sometimes need to work long hours. We couldn't manage it all - kids, work, the house, the dog - if we were not equal partners in all aspects and willing to pitch in and cover for each other. He makes a lot of money, even by this board's standards, just not as much as me. He may someday overtake me, which I would love just because it would mean more money coming in and possibly an earlier retirement for us both. I don't remember a line in our vows about him promising to outearn me. I do remember pledging to be sensitive to each other's thoughts, feelings and needs. That we do - or try to as best we can.

[Anonymous]

"I have been the breadwinner since we got married and sometimes I just wish that my husband was the one bringing more income to our house. He is an excellent husband and father and I feel guilty even thinking about this issue but it has been bothering me lately. I find myself thinking that I should have married a guy who had a better career plan or an established career. I feel horrible even writing this but it is eating me inside and yes I do love my husband. He just does not seem to find the right job. Uff, I feel better already, the cat is out of the bag."

Her husband isn't some deadbeat. She makes more then him and she feels that it should be the other way around, without offering any rationale why that should be the way it is. She never elaborates on what his career plan is or on how unestablished his career is. It seems like she is equating salary with ambition or stability, which is an absurd argument to make. If that was the case, 90% of people would likely be regarded as lazy and unreliable.

If the assumption is that the man should earn more, that is sexist, plain and simple. And not just against men but also because of the implicit assumption that woman ought not be a head of household.