Don't you wish your husband was more successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:14, the thing with a slacker or a shark is that you get to have DRAMA!! (either the "waah my husband doesn't work!" or the "waah my husband is always on his Blackberry!" sort of slacker). Come on, let's admit it, it's more fun if you get to be a martyr from time to time.

But now let's all sing along ...

I ain't saying you're some golddiggers, but you ain't dating no broke niggers ...

This is seriously racist. "Niggaz," on the other hand ...

[Anonymous]

I think I have the best of both worlds -- dh is somewhat older. He was driven in his earlier career, but has now "been there, done that" and feels ok about relaxing a bit. He makes good money, but doesn't work as hard as I do and he enjoys, and isn't threatened by, picking up some of slack at home. I think I was attracted to an older man, in some degree, because I'm not attracted to slackers, and all of the guys who were at the same stage of their career and who were ambitious really took it hard if I did better than they did professionally. Those of you who make more money than your husband -- do you really think it would work if you and your husband were equally ambitious?

[Anonymous]

No. All my friends married to partners in private firms are to some degree unhappy with their high earning husbands. We bring in almost exactly equal money to our household. I value his contributions to the kids and the runnning of our household much more than I would value more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23:14, the thing with a slacker or a shark is that you get to have DRAMA!! (either the "waah my husband doesn't work!" or the "waah my husband is always on his Blackberry!" sort of slacker). Come on, let's admit it, it's more fun if you get to be a martyr from time to time.

But now let's all sing along ...

I ain't saying you're some golddiggers, but you ain't dating no broke niggers ...

This is seriously racist. "Niggaz," on the other hand ...

Nope it's still the same thing, and the racism would originate from the Kanye I would assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I have the best of both worlds -- dh is somewhat older. He was driven in his earlier career, but has now "been there, done that" and feels ok about relaxing a bit. He makes good money, but doesn't work as hard as I do and he enjoys, and isn't threatened by, picking up some of slack at home. I think I was attracted to an older man, in some degree, because I'm not attracted to slackers, and all of the guys who were at the same stage of their career and who were ambitious really took it hard if I did better than they did professionally. Those of you who make more money than your husband -- do you really think it would work if you and your husband were equally ambitious?

We are equally ambitious, perhaps me a bit more, but it works great. We're also equally ambitious about raising our kids and running our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster everyone is balking at. Geez. How can anyone brag on an anonymous forum anyway?

Didn't mean to brag, so I'll rephrase - was actually just dashing it off last night before an early bedtime and wasn't thinking. It's just one of those jobs that people tend to think is cool, not because it's prestigious just because he gets to go do some cool things and travel to cool places. I didn't mean to imply that people are bowing down at parties, just one of those jobs that get follow up, as opposed to my job which is more straightforward and doesn't really get questions.

I had a friend who dated a guy whose job it was to watch every baseball game and record stats, years ago (I'm sure computers do that now). Another example of one of those jobs that a lot of baseball guy fans would say, "you are paid to watch games?"

I think most of us got what you meant, and I thought you made the point well. We have a family member with a job that would probably fit your description. To many outsiders, he and his wife do seem to have fabulous lives. But as some other posters have said, his job leaves very little quality time at home with family. It also puts their kids' behaviors and accomplishments (as teenagers and adults) under a lot of scrutiny from others who know them (or think they do!).

I think they must do different things. That one about the kids' behaviors being under scrutiny is odd. Can't imagine what kind of job that is. I'm intrigued. My husband travels a fair bit, but otherwise has a good schedule. I really don't think anyone thinks we have "fabulous" lives in the sense that you are talking about. I mean, if having a healthy family and healthy kids, jobs we enjoy, and a good support system is fabulous yes, but it's not fabulous in that it is exotic or luxurous which is more of what I think you meant. The whole point of my post in fact was to say I'm proud of my husband for going after his dream and doing it, and making a stable living off it. But he's not successful in the sense that I could afford to stay home, etc. which is what I thought OP was getting at - do you wish your husband was more "successful"/made more money so you weren't the breadwinner.

I wonder if our daughters will struggle with this, given that more and more women are the breadwinners, and more women are graduating from college and grad school than men. Heather Boushey's The New Breadwinner is an interesting article on this.

[Anonymous]

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. I KNOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been the breadwinner since we got married and sometimes I just wish that my husband was the one bringing more income to our house. He is an excellent husband and father and I feel guilty even thinking about this issue but it has been bothering me lately. I find myself thinking that I should have married a guy who had a better career plan or an established career. I feel horrible even writing this but it is eating me inside and yes I do love my husband. He just does not seem to find the right job. Uff, I feel better already, the cat is out of the bag.

I bet he wishes he married a better looking and more in shape women

grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been the breadwinner since we got married and sometimes I just wish that my husband was the one bringing more income to our house. He is an excellent husband and father and I feel guilty even thinking about this issue but it has been bothering me lately. I find myself thinking that I should have married a guy who had a better career plan or an established career. I feel horrible even writing this but it is eating me inside and yes I do love my husband. He just does not seem to find the right job. Uff, I feel better already, the cat is out of the bag.

I bet he wishes he married a better looking and more in shape women

grow up

NP here. Even if he does, it hardly matters because as a not-so-successful man, he wouldn't have been in a position to get one.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes wish he earned more but then am reminded that there is no reason I can't earn more. Why does it have to be the man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. I KNOW.

Yikes what does that mean?

[Anonymous]

My first husband had a mediocre job, with little ambition to succeed. Honestly, I would secretly wish he'd change and be like my friend's husbands, with very interesting and successful careers. Eventually, it became an issue in our marriage, and finally ending in divorce. I learned a very valuable lesson in life, you can't change someone, no matter how much you wish. You have to accept them for who they are and if you can't, then you shouldn't be with them.

My second husband (and final) is very successful, ambitious and provides for his family. I love him for who he is. Let me say this though, you can be successful and have a wonderful and respectful job/career, and not make a lot of money, but there's still ambition. For me, the lack of ambition was my concern, not how much money he made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes wish he earned more but then am reminded that there is no reason I can't earn more. Why does it have to be the man?

Because that is the natural order of things if you want a wife who respects you and doesn't rant on a forum and probably in private too about how unambitious you are. It's not really about the money as much as it's about his ability to provide it. If you made more you'd still be unhappy because you'd be complaining for the same reason OP is. Should you not complain because you are so happy with all of your money, your husband probably is miserable because you think you are hot **** and treat him like a doormat. There are exceptions, but in general stop trying to outsmart nature- you can't.

[Anonymous]

"There are exceptions, but in general stop trying to outsmart nature- you can't. "

In most species, the male is a sperm donor, not a provider.

[Anonymous]

I do. I'm ashamed to tell people what he does.
He has ambition, but no talent. I married an idiot.
He works long hours, and makes no money. He's not even that great in bed.At the end of the day I married a loser, and can't wait to leave.
*sigh* I feel like I wasted my youth.