Don't you wish your husband was more successful?

[Anonymous]

I have been the breadwinner since we got married and sometimes I just wish that my husband was the one bringing more income to our house. He is an excellent husband and father and I feel guilty even thinking about this issue but it has been bothering me lately. I find myself thinking that I should have married a guy who had a better career plan or an established career. I feel horrible even writing this but it is eating me inside and yes I do love my husband. He just does not seem to find the right job. Uff, I feel better already, the cat is out of the bag.

[Anonymous]

You're so not alone. It would be a hell of a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

YES! Mine has no drive.

[Anonymous]

Me too. Great guy, but I'm tired of carrying the load. And he tends to live a little high on the hog.

[Anonymous]

Actually, no! When we first got married, I saw his low-paying job as a big disadvantage, but I loved him regardless. Fast forward a few years and kids later and I so think I made the right decision! The fact that you say he is an excellent husband and father may be due in part to the fact that he is not constantly on his blackberry, travelling, stressed out, not present. My husband is able to be a great father because of that reason, in part, and we have a better relationship because he's able to devote more time and energy to me and to his family.

My dad was a highly successful man and I rarely saw him or spent much time with him - of course this had a major impact on our relationship.

Count your blessings girl!

[Anonymous]

I can see how this is frustrating. But just know that often the very successful are seldom around enough to be great involved fathers. And when they are around, they can be grumpy and short-tempered and often on the blackberries. Trust me, I speak from experience.
The grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Or you could have the worst of both worlds -- successful but poorly paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how this is frustrating. But just know that often the very successful are seldom around enough to be great involved fathers. And when they are around, they can be grumpy and short-tempered and often on the blackberries. Trust me, I speak from experience.
The grass is always greener.

my thoughts exactly...be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

No, he makes plenty. I wish he were funnier and more empathic.

A bigger unit wouldn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post. My husband is wonderful. Great dad to my kids, great husband to me. But he doesn't have any career "drive." I authored the "I want to quite work and stay home" post.

At the end of the day, I consider myself lucky that he is so involved in our kids' lives. His family means more to him than work, and that is admirable in this area. But I do have the same thoughts as you OP.

Thank God my husband doesn't read this board. Sounds corny, but I do count my blessings when I am feeling ungrateful or have regrets. I don't mean this to sound sanctimonious, just what works for me.

(and to the grammar police, I realize I can't spell for sh*t).

[Anonymous]

OP, your post could have been mine. It is draining. I only want him to make 50% more, which would help me relax a bit. We agreed that he will have to work until 68, at least I feel that there is some compensation.

[Anonymous]

No. Success comes at a price that I don't want my family to pay. We are both happily mid-level and have somewhat of a balance b/w work and family lives.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are a laughable combination: He has the brains and is multi-talented but is not a "go-getter'. On the other hand, I have a ton of ambition and motivation, but lack any remarkable talent. For awhile I used to push him to do more with his god-given skills, but to no avail. It would be nice if he pushed himself more, but he's still a keeper in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could have the worst of both worlds -- successful but poorly paid.

Actually, the worst is unsucessful and not an involved and good father and husband.

[Anonymous]

My husband has one of those jobs that stop people at parties - a bit of a dream job for many. He works really hard and is very talented, so I admire him for that, but he's not a huge high earner. But together our salaries mean we do great (I make about the same as he does). So he's successful but doesn't make a ton, which I suppose some people in this area would call not successful.