Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

But here’s the thing, single women today have much more earning power. I get that many men say they don’t care about it, but the reality is that it too changes the playing field. If a woman has looks and doesn’t need your money, you need to step up you soft skills (emotionally mature) parts, and as we can see on this thread and others, many men struggle with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

But here’s the thing, single women today have much more earning power. I get that many men say they don’t care about it, but the reality is that it too changes the playing field. If a woman has looks and doesn’t need your money, you need to step up you soft skills (emotionally mature) parts, and as we can see on this thread and others, many men struggle with that.

Meh, soft skills wont do it. A woman making her own money has PLENTIFUL choices among the men of her own age group. There is no point for her going older unless it's really life changing for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

I think what you say holds true in dc

In boston, the Bay Area and Denver, the three cities I know best, I see the reverse.

Esp for guys under 40 - the men are the better looking one in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine yourself as a balanced, 35 year old man with a job, apartment, and car.

Option 1: go home to a quiet apartment and be able to pursue hobbies and passion projects freely.

Option 2: spend a ton of money on another person who talks too much, requires expensive upkeep, removes the peace from his environment, takes time away from hobbies.

Yeah ……….

Tell is you are broke without telling us you are broke...

And if you have to spend much money on a woman to get her interest, it is because you have nothing else to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

Men are more likely to be judged than women for dating down in looks. I’m a not very attractive guy (short, nerdy), above average income/net worth. I’ve dated some less attractive women, probably on my level, and my family/friends gave me so much shit for it. Now I’m with a more attractive woman and everyone treats us better. Most of my guy friends are with women more attractive than them who earn less. It’s shallow and messed up, but society expects women to look good and men to earn $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

But here’s the thing, single women today have much more earning power. I get that many men say they don’t care about it, but the reality is that it too changes the playing field. If a woman has looks and doesn’t need your money, you need to step up you soft skills (emotionally mature) parts, and as we can see on this thread and others, many men struggle with that.

Meh, soft skills wont do it. A woman making her own money has PLENTIFUL choices among the men of her own age group. There is no point for her going older unless it's really life changing for her

This. High value women have zero problems. They have their pick of dozens of high-value suitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single man 40 here. I want children but dating has been such a slog that I’ve basically given up. I’m 6’1” and a Navy veteran. Currently making good money in defense tech. Healthy (lift and run regularly) with broad social life.

For some reason the women that I want aren’t interested in me. My hinge is set for 27-32 because I want children. Women closer to my age don’t interest me. I tried dating a few in the 35-43 range and they all struggled with vulnerability and emotional communication. May have been my filtering but these were all professional women who dedicated everything to their careers.

Recently I deleted my Hinge and stopped looking. I don’t want to be an old father. My best friends dad was in his 80s when we were in college and I don’t want that experience if I have children.

I don’t get lonely and I’m used to living alone. So dating is optional and less desirable for me now.

I was in your shoes and dating at 39.

Most of the women in the D.C. area seem to be struggling with one mental illness or another. Don’t need all that extra baggage before a relationship (potentially life-long) even gets started.

Also, from what I encountered, so many American women (at least around here) have other issues, not the least of which are their completely unrealistic expectations of men (their “6-6-6-6” rule, how 90% of women chase the top 5% of men and ignore the rest, etc.).

I lucked out. Married a terrific woman from Europe; one kid off to college in the Fall; another doing exceedingly well in HS. Have advised DS to try to marry a woman who was not raised in the USA.

In my experience, a lot of men who marry a foreign national do so because they can't score an American woman who is at the same level of attractiveness as the foreign born woman. And the woman is only in it for a green card to escape a bad situation in home country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

But here’s the thing, single women today have much more earning power. I get that many men say they don’t care about it, but the reality is that it too changes the playing field. If a woman has looks and doesn’t need your money, you need to step up you soft skills (emotionally mature) parts, and as we can see on this thread and others, many men struggle with that.

Meh, soft skills wont do it. A woman making her own money has PLENTIFUL choices among the men of her own age group. There is no point for her going older unless it's really life changing for her

This. High value women have zero problems. They have their pick of dozens of high-value suitors.

As we can see with celebrities, attractive younger women go for men WAAAY above themselves in the food chain. Life changing men. Clooney. Brad Pitt, Baldwin etc.

If these women didnt come across these celebrities they would be single or with equally aged successful good looking men in the "same lane"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

But here’s the thing, single women today have much more earning power. I get that many men say they don’t care about it, but the reality is that it too changes the playing field. If a woman has looks and doesn’t need your money, you need to step up you soft skills (emotionally mature) parts, and as we can see on this thread and others, many men struggle with that.

Meh, soft skills wont do it. A woman making her own money has PLENTIFUL choices among the men of her own age group. There is no point for her going older unless it's really life changing for her

This. High value women have zero problems. They have their pick of dozens of high-value suitors.

As we can see with celebrities, attractive younger women go for men WAAAY above themselves in the food chain. Life changing men. Clooney. Brad Pitt, Baldwin etc.

If these women didnt come across these celebrities they would be single or with equally aged successful good looking men in the "same lane"

*similar aged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single man 40 here. I want children but dating has been such a slog that I’ve basically given up. I’m 6’1” and a Navy veteran. Currently making good money in defense tech. Healthy (lift and run regularly) with broad social life.

For some reason the women that I want aren’t interested in me. My hinge is set for 27-32 because I want children. Women closer to my age don’t interest me. I tried dating a few in the 35-43 range and they all struggled with vulnerability and emotional communication. May have been my filtering but these were all professional women who dedicated everything to their careers.

Recently I deleted my Hinge and stopped looking. I don’t want to be an old father. My best friends dad was in his 80s when we were in college and I don’t want that experience if I have children.

I don’t get lonely and I’m used to living alone. So dating is optional and less desirable for me now.

I was in your shoes and dating at 39.

Most of the women in the D.C. area seem to be struggling with one mental illness or another. Don’t need all that extra baggage before a relationship (potentially life-long) even gets started.

Also, from what I encountered, so many American women (at least around here) have other issues, not the least of which are their completely unrealistic expectations of men (their “6-6-6-6” rule, how 90% of women chase the top 5% of men and ignore the rest, etc.).

I lucked out. Married a terrific woman from Europe; one kid off to college in the Fall; another doing exceedingly well in HS. Have advised DS to try to marry a woman who was not raised in the USA.

In my experience, a lot of men who marry a foreign national do so because they can't score an American woman who is at the same level of attractiveness as the foreign born woman. And the woman is only in it for a green card to escape a bad situation in home country.

Yes, because this is indeed life changing for this foreign woman. Just like it was for Amal to marry George.

No scrubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single man 40 here. I want children but dating has been such a slog that I’ve basically given up. I’m 6’1” and a Navy veteran. Currently making good money in defense tech. Healthy (lift and run regularly) with broad social life.

For some reason the women that I want aren’t interested in me. My hinge is set for 27-32 because I want children. Women closer to my age don’t interest me. I tried dating a few in the 35-43 range and they all struggled with vulnerability and emotional communication. May have been my filtering but these were all professional women who dedicated everything to their careers.

Recently I deleted my Hinge and stopped looking. I don’t want to be an old father. My best friends dad was in his 80s when we were in college and I don’t want that experience if I have children.

I don’t get lonely and I’m used to living alone. So dating is optional and less desirable for me now.

You are ugly. Develop an interest in women on your level of looks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For 35 plus and divorced men, flirting and asking someone out is really high stakes stuff. Most people are at work at that stage in life, which is where you meet people. But if a man gets that wrong and gets shot down for a coffee, that can be pretty darn devastating for careers and the work environment. So most men won't engage with colleagues these days.

So that leaves online, which has its issues.

If looking for a partner, I don't think this is a man or woman issue. We don't seem to have neutral third spaces where people can meet each other organically. But the costs are much higher for men who choose to flirt these days. So any man that has professional ambitions shuts that down. The risk-reward calculation is very unfavorable. Even when they really like someone. Don't go there is what every ambitious man has internalized.

And the apps are garbage these days. So, many men are checked out. Not because they don't want to meet a partner, but because there are few healthy and interesting ways to get to know someone in a non-dating context.

So men choose careers where they have no time after work and then whine about not having time to meet women. Got it. If everyone refused to work 60 hour weeks, 3 employees would have to do the work currently done by w employees, and these men would have more time. But nope, men want to work "hard" because money is e erything. Yet money cannot buy them partners. Poor men. Booboo!

Men believe “money is everything” because women tell them money is everything.

There are countless examples, as you know. Countless.

Here is an older one: Have you seen this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know 35+ who are single are delusional about what they bring to the table. They are 4-6’s who think they deserve an 8-10 woman. Unless they are rich it’s just not attainable for them. When they aren’t successful they just stop trying to date. They don’t understand what their lane is and that if they stayed in it they’d find a partner. There truly is a lid for every pot.

This is largely projection from walled women. You’d be surprised how men respond to basic respect and interest from their looksmatch.

DP.

For most couples I see, the woman looks much better than the man. So no, men are not looking for their looksmatch: they are looking for women who are 8s while they are 5s or women who are 5s while they are 2s.

The problem is you have to bring more to the table if you are looking for a woman who is more beautiful than you are handsome. That 'more' can be humor, great skills in bed, money, communication skills, emotional intelligence, intellectual intelligence, prestige, etc. But average Joe feels entitled to marrying up as far as physical appearance is concerned. It's not happening.

Men are more likely to be judged than women for dating down in looks. I’m a not very attractive guy (short, nerdy), above average income/net worth. I’ve dated some less attractive women, probably on my level, and my family/friends gave me so much shit for it. Now I’m with a more attractive woman and everyone treats us better. Most of my guy friends are with women more attractive than them who earn less. It’s shallow and messed up, but society expects women to look good and men to earn $$$.

I don't buy this. I buy that a guy gets treated better when he dates a more attractive women. But no, a short nerdy guy with only above income is not getting a hard time for dating a plain girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For 35 plus and divorced men, flirting and asking someone out is really high stakes stuff. Most people are at work at that stage in life, which is where you meet people. But if a man gets that wrong and gets shot down for a coffee, that can be pretty darn devastating for careers and the work environment. So most men won't engage with colleagues these days.

So that leaves online, which has its issues.

If looking for a partner, I don't think this is a man or woman issue. We don't seem to have neutral third spaces where people can meet each other organically. But the costs are much higher for men who choose to flirt these days. So any man that has professional ambitions shuts that down. The risk-reward calculation is very unfavorable. Even when they really like someone. Don't go there is what every ambitious man has internalized.

And the apps are garbage these days. So, many men are checked out. Not because they don't want to meet a partner, but because there are few healthy and interesting ways to get to know someone in a non-dating context.

So men choose careers where they have no time after work and then whine about not having time to meet women. Got it. If everyone refused to work 60 hour weeks, 3 employees would have to do the work currently done by w employees, and these men would have more time. But nope, men want to work "hard" because money is e erything. Yet money cannot buy them partners. Poor men. Booboo!

Men believe “money is everything” because women tell them money is everything.

There are countless examples, as you know. Countless.

Here is an older one: Have you seen this?

Women YOU DATE tell you money is everything. Most people are married to partners within 3 years of their own age and women contribute 40% towards marital budget.

You want to date young chicks so obviously they make it clear from the start what they want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle.

There are a million ways to get sexual release without dealing with the crazy.

I never know whether to laugh or cry at a man who only desires “sexual release” from his intimate relationships.