Should we cancel our 4th of July party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not go all out and host the best 4th of July party ever?

Kona Ice truck (with top shelf liquor nearby)

Live band

Fireworks

Amazing food

And ask one of your siblings or friends outside the new neighborhood clique to post tons of heavily curated pics and tag you in them.

I might even send an amazing bouquet of flowers to her house that morning with a nice note along the lines of, “Sorry to miss your party, but I’m sure it will be a blast! Looking forward to catching up soon! Happy 4th, from the Smiths.”

Have the same gorgeous floral arrangement as your centerpiece so any crossover guests notice it.

We aren’t doing any of this. We will proceed as planned.

[Anonymous]

Let us know how it goes, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not go all out and host the best 4th of July party ever?

Kona Ice truck (with top shelf liquor nearby)

Live band

Fireworks

Amazing food

And ask one of your siblings or friends outside the new neighborhood clique to post tons of heavily curated pics and tag you in them.

I might even send an amazing bouquet of flowers to her house that morning with a nice note along the lines of, “Sorry to miss your party, but I’m sure it will be a blast! Looking forward to catching up soon! Happy 4th, from the Smiths.”

Have the same gorgeous floral arrangement as your centerpiece so any crossover guests notice it.

Not everyone can afford this level of ridiculousness. Also this may be op's primary friend group. Most people don't have a large group beyond their closer friends. It's nice to try to be positive but this is a lot of horse manure.

+1. OP needs to identify who her closest friend is in this group and see if she can find out what she did to make the other woman upset. Although, if she made the woman mad enough to purposely create a competing 4th of July party with largely the same invitees at the same exact time, there isn’t much she can do to salvage the relationship, especially if it’s a surface level friendship of convenience which it appears to be.

For what? F that woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

How good is the team? Don’t worry about this woman at all. Have DH volunteer as an assistant coach whatever needs to be done there or find a new team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Clueless. Op isn't obsessed. She knows, like a lot of us who've experienced this, how bad this can be. My entire family was excluded from so much in our neighborhood because of one very insecure awful woman.

+1. I feel bad for OP because I've also dealt with exclusion in our neighborhood because of one very insecure woman. It started with something very similar too, she scheduled a last minute birthday brunch for herself and all of the mom's in the neighborhood overlapping with my daughter's birthday party weeks after the birthday party was scheduled, and her family was invited and had already RSVPed. Then got very upset when I said that I wouldn't be able to attend because I was going to be setting up for my daughter's party. It went downhill from there, she has a a trail of friends she's burned - but somehow she maintains this queen bee status in the neighborhood. Women like that are toxic, and they are everywhere in the suburbs. OP has mad this woman mad, and if she has enough social power as the OP says she does, the other women will not defend OP. They might still be nice to her, but they absolutely will not defend her to the queen bee. OP needs to find new friends.

This. Sorry op. You should’ve just cancelled your party and attended hers. Now you’ve asked her and she confirmed she’s a total B likely with Borderline personality disorder. It won’t end well for her, but in the meantime it won’t go well for you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Does QB have a pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Clueless. Op isn't obsessed. She knows, like a lot of us who've experienced this, how bad this can be. My entire family was excluded from so much in our neighborhood because of one very insecure awful woman.

+1. I feel bad for OP because I've also dealt with exclusion in our neighborhood because of one very insecure woman. It started with something very similar too, she scheduled a last minute birthday brunch for herself and all of the mom's in the neighborhood overlapping with my daughter's birthday party weeks after the birthday party was scheduled, and her family was invited and had already RSVPed. Then got very upset when I said that I wouldn't be able to attend because I was going to be setting up for my daughter's party. It went downhill from there, she has a a trail of friends she's burned - but somehow she maintains this queen bee status in the neighborhood. Women like that are toxic, and they are everywhere in the suburbs. OP has mad this woman mad, and if she has enough social power as the OP says she does, the other women will not defend OP. They might still be nice to her, but they absolutely will not defend her to the queen bee. OP needs to find new friends.

This. Sorry op. You should’ve just cancelled your party and attended hers. Now you’ve asked her and she confirmed she’s a total B likely with Borderline personality disorder. It won’t end well for her, but in the meantime it won’t go well for you and your kids.

This is baloney. There are plenty of other people to be friends with. Didn't OP say her kids go to a different school? I don't understand this level of catastrophizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Clueless. Op isn't obsessed. She knows, like a lot of us who've experienced this, how bad this can be. My entire family was excluded from so much in our neighborhood because of one very insecure awful woman.

+1. I feel bad for OP because I've also dealt with exclusion in our neighborhood because of one very insecure woman. It started with something very similar too, she scheduled a last minute birthday brunch for herself and all of the mom's in the neighborhood overlapping with my daughter's birthday party weeks after the birthday party was scheduled, and her family was invited and had already RSVPed. Then got very upset when I said that I wouldn't be able to attend because I was going to be setting up for my daughter's party. It went downhill from there, she has a a trail of friends she's burned - but somehow she maintains this queen bee status in the neighborhood. Women like that are toxic, and they are everywhere in the suburbs. OP has mad this woman mad, and if she has enough social power as the OP says she does, the other women will not defend OP. They might still be nice to her, but they absolutely will not defend her to the queen bee. OP needs to find new friends.

This. Sorry op. You should’ve just cancelled your party and attended hers. Now you’ve asked her and she confirmed she’s a total B likely with Borderline personality disorder. It won’t end well for her, but in the meantime it won’t go well for you and your kids.

What? Totally ridiculous suggestion.

[Anonymous]

How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We moved to our current area two years ago and made a solid group of friends with similar aged children.

I actually wonder if the issue isn't that you skipped her party, but that you've been there "only" two years and you're trying to take one of "her" holidays.

[Anonymous]

More proof that women never grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We moved to our current area two years ago and made a solid group of friends with similar aged children.

I actually wonder if the issue isn't that you skipped her party, but that you've been there "only" two years and you're trying to take one of "her" holidays.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Does QB have a pool?

Yes they do. There house in general is larger than ours but we do have a big porch and outdoor kitchen set up for hosting.