Postcard as a wedding thank-you -- is this the new norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got one too except no handwritten anything! After travel, hotel, clothes and the wedding gift totalling thousands I expected better.

What could they have written in a thank you note that would have made attending their wedding worth your time and money?

[Anonymous]

I was raised that the polite thing to do is write a personalized thank you note so I did that. I was fortunate though, I was between jobs, so while I was overwhelmed with moving and other things, I could make the time. If I was working full time, and managing a bunch of other things, I would have to cut corners and at least it includes a thank you.

I have gotten over pearl clutching these days. I try to do what i think is the right thing and have grace when I think others don't. I remind myself that i don't know what they have going on and I'd rather not add to anyone's stress. I also have better boundaries about just declining that family destination wedding for someone I am not close to, etc.

[Anonymous]

The postcard would only bother me if they didn't use a postcard stamp and used a regular one

It is a little weird to make a postcard of themselves though, but I would try to let that go. I have had friends put a photo in the thank you note - from a time when you actually printed photos.

Christmas photo cards are everywhere. I try to think of those as a better, more modern Christmas letter.

They tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not know my mother in law was on this forum!

My mom and my MIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Alcohol is your thanks? Tacky as hell.

If you can’t understand what I meant, that’s on you. The generosity was reciprocated.

Generosity? It's the least they can do for their guests. They invited them after all and it's their job to be good hosts. I guess you think they're really rolling out the red carpet if they feed you dinner too.

You must be getting ready for bed with a shift like that!

It’s sort of like how a wedding gift is the least you can do for the couple…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're being grumpy. I didn't receive any sort of thank you for the last two weddings I attended so I would consider this much actually pretty thoughtful.

But now that I've typed out that sentence, I also sort of feel like the photo of the couple on the thank you card is so perfectly aligned with the me me me quality of the world and the social media generation now. But then again, a wedding is exactly when the couple should be the center of attention.

So clearly, it's nuanced.

Unless you feel the exact same way about holiday family photo cards, you are a massive hypocrite.

Op here. Are you directing this comment to me? I love receiving holiday photo cards, and it doesn’t bother if the family doesn’t write a personalized message. Why would it? With a holiday photo card, I didn’t go out of my way to attend an out-of-town wedding and fork out hundreds of dollars for a gift.

So ALL of this would have been warranted if they had just written a slightly longer card? Do you hear yourself?

Sixteen handwritten words and they didn't deserve the time, money, and effort you expended on the wedding and the gift. But had they written 32 words, well then, THAT would have made it all better.

Seriously, take a look at what you would have deemed acceptable and what you got and then realize that the difference is pretty minute.

Just stop. Are this big of a scold IRL? That's not what she's saying at all and you know it.

That's exactly what PP is saying. And she's the scold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a wedding recently and just received a postcard thank-you for the wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing! On one side, it had a photo of the couple. On the other side, there were a few pre-printed lines about how lucky the couple is, and then just two short handwritten lines thanking me specifically for my gift, and in the most generic way possible (basically: thank you for the X, we really appreciate it). There were exactly sixteen handwritten words in the whole thing.

Honestly, my middle schooler could have written a more personalized and appreciative thank you: We plan to use your generous gift to do X, we hope to see you at X so we can catch up and tell you about the honeymoon, etc.

Has anyone else felt annoyed by this apparent wedding trend, or am I just being grumpy?

I think it’s a great idea!

[Anonymous]

I am solidly Team OP. When I am fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding, not only do I try to find a registry gift that seems meaningful (and is expensive) or I give a generous check. I ALSO take time to hand write a note that is personal and celebrates the couple, the event, and their future together. I am gracious at the even, thank the couple and any parent hosts for including me, etc.

I don’t think it is too much to ask that adults who are old enough to get married, have a fancy and expensive wedding, and expect (yes, of course they do) gifts to spend a whole 5-7 minutes to hand write a thank you note that shows gratitude for the effort I (and every other guest) put into their wedding. Same for bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, quincieneras, sweet sixteens, graduations, etc.

I’m old, I guess, and tired of living in what feels more and more like a transactional social environment where nothing has any human touch anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly Team OP. When I am fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding, not only do I try to find a registry gift that seems meaningful (and is expensive) or I give a generous check. I ALSO take time to hand write a note that is personal and celebrates the couple, the event, and their future together. I am gracious at the even, thank the couple and any parent hosts for including me, etc.

I don’t think it is too much to ask that adults who are old enough to get married, have a fancy and expensive wedding, and expect (yes, of course they do) gifts to spend a whole 5-7 minutes to hand write a thank you note that shows gratitude for the effort I (and every other guest) put into their wedding. Same for bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, quincieneras, sweet sixteens, graduations, etc.

I’m old, I guess, and tired of living in what feels more and more like a transactional social environment where nothing has any human touch anymore.

The handwriting on the postcard literally was a human touch, but OK.

[Anonymous]

I very much appreciate thank you notes. And I'd be fine with a postcard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an out of state wedding in early October and all I got was an automated email from the store registery acknowledging the gift immediately after I sent it. No one else in my immediate family got one either and we are annoyed. Pretty obnoxious given the wedding was a bit of a disaster in several ways for guests and hospitality. And yet - Those 13 matching bridesmaids dresses and 4 different bridal wedding dresses looked great in all the photos with the themed dance floor and bars. And the couple had a great luxury cruise afterwards according to FB pics. But no thank you note!

You sound bitter. No note can help you.

I would have been ok with a photo postcard. I am a little bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would have been more interesting if it was a handwritten postcard from their honeymoon destination

Then people would b**ch if it got lost en route from Tahiti.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

[Anonymous]

In the last decade I think I am the only person I know who mailed out hand written, personalized thank you cards after my wedding. Every one I’ve gotten has been a postcard with a pre written generic message. I don’t really care about thank you cards and don’t notice if I don’t get one to be honest. I’d rather not get one than get one that is a postcard with a pic of the couple holding a thank you sign that they clearly took on the wedding day itself , before even seeing the gift id given

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a wedding recently and just received a postcard thank-you for the wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing! On one side, it had a photo of the couple. On the other side, there were a few pre-printed lines about how lucky the couple is, and then just two short handwritten lines thanking me specifically for my gift, and in the most generic way possible (basically: thank you for the X, we really appreciate it). There were exactly sixteen handwritten words in the whole thing.

Honestly, my middle schooler could have written a more personalized and appreciative thank you: We plan to use your generous gift to do X, we hope to see you at X so we can catch up and tell you about the honeymoon, etc.

Has anyone else felt annoyed by this apparent wedding trend, or am I just being grumpy?

If there was a handwritten line mentioning your specific gift, that’s above and beyond most cards I’ve gotten (I posted above )