Postcard as a wedding thank-you -- is this the new norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Alcohol is your thanks? Tacky as hell.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is one of the new norms.

And as parents, guests of different generations, relatives and young people getting married - we all are straddling traditions, marrying into different cultures/race/nationalities/religions, realities of modern life, inflation, environmentalism, individualism, breaking of familial roles and structures, technology - and so anything goes.

My kid sent out 'save the date' and her 'invitations' digitally. I then had to send a PDF version to my relatives and friends on WhatsApp, texts, FB message etc. My friends and relatives did not want to click on the link to RSVP on the wedding website. They were calling me on the phone. It was madness till the very end.

After the wedding... I marked all the guests that would get the handwritten notes from my DD. I had bought the cards, addressed the envelops, put the stamps. I had to hunt down people to ask for their mailing address. DD took a few months to send it out. I think it only went to folks who were our age group (around 100 thank you notes. We had 300 guests).

For the rest of her and the groom's friends - I think the website sends a digital "thank you" note or something. I was told that no one has the time for that anymore.

Gift registry? No gift registry? Cash? Venmo? Check? Cultural norms. How to phrase it? We went through all of this.

- MOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be grateful I got a thank you note at all.

The bride and groom expect people to shell out hundreds of dollars per person and can't be bothered to write a note? I'll keep that in mind, after all, I have one year after the wedding to send a gift.

I can assure you that we're spending more per person than anything you'd send as a gift. But all good, we're asking for no gifts. So your feelings will not be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a wedding recently and just received a postcard thank-you for the wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing! On one side, it had a photo of the couple. On the other side, there were a few pre-printed lines about how lucky the couple is, and then just two short handwritten lines thanking me specifically for my gift, and in the most generic way possible (basically: thank you for the X, we really appreciate it). There were exactly sixteen handwritten words in the whole thing.

Honestly, my middle schooler could have written a more personalized and appreciative thank you: We plan to use your generous gift to do X, we hope to see you at X so we can catch up and tell you about the honeymoon, etc.

Has anyone else felt annoyed by this apparent wedding trend, or am I just being grumpy?

Why did you attend the wedding? Why did you give a gift?

I think a card with a photo on it is cuter than a blank card, personally. And I have two middle schoolers so I imagine we can't be that far apart in age and I think you're being annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're being grumpy. I didn't receive any sort of thank you for the last two weddings I attended so I would consider this much actually pretty thoughtful.

But now that I've typed out that sentence, I also sort of feel like the photo of the couple on the thank you card is so perfectly aligned with the me me me quality of the world and the social media generation now. But then again, a wedding is exactly when the couple should be the center of attention.

So clearly, it's nuanced.

Unless you feel the exact same way about holiday family photo cards, you are a massive hypocrite.

Op here. Are you directing this comment to me? I love receiving holiday photo cards, and it doesn’t bother if the family doesn’t write a personalized message. Why would it? With a holiday photo card, I didn’t go out of my way to attend an out-of-town wedding and fork out hundreds of dollars for a gift.

So ALL of this would have been warranted if they had just written a slightly longer card? Do you hear yourself?

Sixteen handwritten words and they didn't deserve the time, money, and effort you expended on the wedding and the gift. But had they written 32 words, well then, THAT would have made it all better.

Seriously, take a look at what you would have deemed acceptable and what you got and then realize that the difference is pretty minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I will speak up for you! Expressing appreciation is an essential form of gratitude and manners and respect for the person who took the time and money to give you a gift. Pre-printed lines don’t cut it.

I am a stickler for thank you notes and have taught my teenaged DD how to write a good one. And that includes taking the time to include specific info about the gift. It’s not hard, and it’s basic courtesy.

THEY DID

[Anonymous]

You got a handwritten thank you, that actually referenced the gift. On a postcard with an actual picture of the couple, which is something that took more effort than buying a box of thank you cards.

Yes, you are "being grumpy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I will speak up for you! Expressing appreciation is an essential form of gratitude and manners and respect for the person who took the time and money to give you a gift. Pre-printed lines don’t cut it.

I am a stickler for thank you notes and have taught my teenaged DD how to write a good one. And that includes taking the time to include specific info about the gift. It’s not hard, and it’s basic courtesy.

There were pre-printed lines AND handwritten words. Or don’t you read?

She only reads handwritten items

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to an out of state wedding in early October and all I got was an automated email from the store registery acknowledging the gift immediately after I sent it. No one else in my immediate family got one either and we are annoyed. Pretty obnoxious given the wedding was a bit of a disaster in several ways for guests and hospitality. And yet - Those 13 matching bridesmaids dresses and 4 different bridal wedding dresses looked great in all the photos with the themed dance floor and bars. And the couple had a great luxury cruise afterwards according to FB pics. But no thank you note!

You sound bitter. No note can help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're being grumpy. I didn't receive any sort of thank you for the last two weddings I attended so I would consider this much actually pretty thoughtful.

But now that I've typed out that sentence, I also sort of feel like the photo of the couple on the thank you card is so perfectly aligned with the me me me quality of the world and the social media generation now. But then again, a wedding is exactly when the couple should be the center of attention.

So clearly, it's nuanced.

Unless you feel the exact same way about holiday family photo cards, you are a massive hypocrite.

Op here. Are you directing this comment to me? I love receiving holiday photo cards, and it doesn’t bother if the family doesn’t write a personalized message. Why would it? With a holiday photo card, I didn’t go out of my way to attend an out-of-town wedding and fork out hundreds of dollars for a gift.

So ALL of this would have been warranted if they had just written a slightly longer card? Do you hear yourself?

Sixteen handwritten words and they didn't deserve the time, money, and effort you expended on the wedding and the gift. But had they written 32 words, well then, THAT would have made it all better.

Seriously, take a look at what you would have deemed acceptable and what you got and then realize that the difference is pretty minute.

Just stop. Are this big of a scold IRL? That's not what she's saying at all and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Alcohol is your thanks? Tacky as hell.

If you can’t understand what I meant, that’s on you. The generosity was reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

You are focusing n diverging that is not important.

Do you support the young people starting a life together?

Or do you approach interactions with a judgemental attitude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Alcohol is your thanks? Tacky as hell.

If you can’t understand what I meant, that’s on you. The generosity was reciprocated.

Generosity? It's the least they can do for their guests. They invited them after all and it's their job to be good hosts. I guess you think they're really rolling out the red carpet if they feed you dinner too.

[Anonymous]

To be honest - - you may be a little grumpy OP. 😕

It was very kind of the wedding couple to take the time to properly thank you for your wedding gift.
Not everyone takes the time to do so.
Plus you got a nice, handwritten note inside vs. a text or email.

The fact that the couple did not take the time to personalize their message to you more is a tad overbearing.
They may have a lot of wedding guests to personally thank.

[Anonymous]

I am laughing until there are tears in my eyes, imagining OP racing to first find her readers, then *count the handwritten words,* then run to the internet to report that there were exactly sixteen (16) Handwritten Words.