Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s fine to want what you want. But you seem super mad that she’s not totally cool with your world view.

She gets a preference on this issue too. The biggest red flag to me is how irritable you sound about not only wanting your own way, but wanting her to agree with you. She may not, and if you actually care about her, you need to be clear with her so that she can use that information to make her own decision, which may be to leave.

Nobody knows what she wants. She actually didn’t say. She just asked a couple questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

Lame troll sock puppet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, women want commitment and marriage but will say they don’t (or try and convince themselves they don’t) in order to attract men.

Tell us more about your troll experience and all these women wanting to marrying you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have different opinions and change your mind. Maybe she just said that at the beginning because she wasn't sure and wanted to agree with you and that was the way you were leaning. Its ok to break up and take a hard line but you will look like a jerk if you are mean about it. Personally I find being so one way on something this universally appreciated in society is weird. Life isn't that static.

OP here. If we do break up, I am never going to be a jerk about it. In fact it's going to painful because she is perfect in every way.

I simply do not want to be married ever again.

Maybe I am sending signals to her that I am not committed enough and only marriage will show iron clad commitments? I hope not

You don't even live together, so for her to be discussing marriage before that happens is kind of crazy to me. Discuss THAT step and whether you'd be willing to take it. THEN you could rethink the marriage thing, if you wanted to. But you're entitled to your opinion, which you clearly stated and have stood by.

Space your troll responses out better, more than 1-3 seconds for starters. Maybe 10 mins semi believable

[Anonymous]

Sorry what’s OP’s supposed custody time for the middle and high schooler?
Zero mention of his actual family and responsibilities or time demands. Or how they fit into this romantic or sexual relationship.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is just so unnecessary in this case. It creates undesirable issues for your children. It does not equal commitment, and lifetime commitment is increasingly common in its absence. So her desire for it isn’t rational. It’s as if she desired for you guys to adopt a child. Understandable but probably not a good idea unless both partners are 100% on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

You need therapy as you view commitment as leverage . It’s not. It is what loving people want to give to their partners. Human love is proprietary at its core

Blah blah. Love has nothing to do with legal arrangements, your manipulation weasel words notwithstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

You need therapy as you view commitment as leverage . It’s not. It is what loving people want to give to their partners. Human love is proprietary at its core

Blah blah. Love has nothing to do with legal arrangements, your manipulation weasel words notwithstanding.

Love absolutely has to do with legal arrangements. You care for well being of people you love, even when you are gone. Partners sacrifice (in careers, relocations, time and money investments) to be in a relationship. Relationships take resources. OP doesn't mention any of that, but who is paying for the dates? How they split travel expenses? Would he consider getting a joint house to live with GF even if they are not married? Getting a life insurance for her as beneficiary should something happens to him after 10+ years of cohabitation? Commitment can be expressed in different ways and I named just some of these. Perhaps, his GF would be content if OP provides alternatives? Or he's not inclined to commit in any way? So far we only know that she's his emergency contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

You need therapy as you view commitment as leverage . It’s not. It is what loving people want to give to their partners. Human love is proprietary at its core

Blah blah. Love has nothing to do with legal arrangements, your manipulation weasel words notwithstanding.

Yikes. Whomever PP is I hope they are not dating anyone ever with that F’d up attitude a belief system.
If PP is somehow dating someone, tell them right away and stop hiding their true colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

I am in your position, so I totally get it. I don't think her raising it is necessarily a red flag, but I think you should continue to be firm that you are not open to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

You need therapy as you view commitment as leverage . It’s not. It is what loving people want to give to their partners. Human love is proprietary at its core

Blah blah. Love has nothing to do with legal arrangements, your manipulation weasel words notwithstanding.

Yikes. Whomever PP is I hope they are not dating anyone ever with that F’d up attitude a belief system.
If PP is somehow dating someone, tell them right away and stop hiding their true colors.

Its not clear at all from your comment which PP you agree with and which disagree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

I am in your position, so I totally get it. I don't think her raising it is necessarily a red flag, but I think you should continue to be firm that you are not open to marriage.

This is why I never date people with rigid beliefs, regardless of the areas of that rigidity. Life changes, circumstances change and I don't want a partner who is not able to afford any flexibility when it happens

[Anonymous]

Your position is reasonable, and I get it.

But I actually think it's really common for people to think they never want to get married again until they meet someone they want to marry. A compliment in the end.

Your hostility over her asking seems a bit over the top. She loves you, it's making her reconsider. It's totally fine to say, "as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I'm not interested in getting married again, ever. That's something I'm never going to bend on."

Yes, I anticipate your relationship is going to end over this, but you sound fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP. Men, never get married.

What has he done other than get irritated?

Staying firm on his intuitions gleaned from hard lessons learned rather than letting some woman manipulate him because she wants leverage over him. Lot of pretzel logic going on in this tread without just openly saying the truth: she wants leverage over you, and your attention and resources and marriage is the means of attaining it.

You need therapy as you view commitment as leverage . It’s not. It is what loving people want to give to their partners. Human love is proprietary at its core

Blah blah. Love has nothing to do with legal arrangements, your manipulation weasel words notwithstanding.

Yikes. Whomever PP is I hope they are not dating anyone ever with that F’d up attitude a belief system.
If PP is somehow dating someone, tell them right away and stop hiding their true colors.

Its not clear at all from your comment which PP you agree with and which disagree

I know! So so confusing! Plus it couldn’t possibly be that the dude with the Perfect dating relationship hiding his hatred of any kind of commitment is hiding his true colors. No way Jose. So confusing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

I am in your position, so I totally get it. I don't think her raising it is necessarily a red flag, but I think you should continue to be firm that you are not open to marriage.

This is why I never date people with rigid beliefs, regardless of the areas of that rigidity. Life changes, circumstances change and I don't want a partner who is not able to afford any flexibility when it happens

After.

Fixated stubborn people always lose out.

But no worries, they’re too self absorbed and quick to blame others to realize that self-induced pattern in their life.