Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

So you're not very committed. That's what it means to be not very committed!

I doubt your girlfriend thinks marriage prevents men from cheating on women. What it does, legally, is make it much more difficult to break up financially and legally. And that's probably something she likes about it. She wants to be with someone who likes her so much, or doesn't have whatever trauma you have, that is making you refuse the economic commitment that is marriage.

Really think about how much caregiving you can expect from a woman you are treating this way. You won't be healthy forever. The older you get, the more often things come up.

OP is waiting for better to come along

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's looking for someone who has more interpersonal intelligence-- like someone who can understand why she would want to marry and not have such a tough time wrapping his head around it.

"I'm so very committed to you, but I'll never ever marry you and want to be able to walk away with all my money at any time" is not really that convincing, is it?

Another example of women taking it personally when men don't want to marry them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I do not want to be married again because my ex wife made the experience distaetasful. I am not against marriage I am just against marriage for ME. We don't live together. She suggested that at some point but I wasn't enthusiastic about it. I will say we are each other's person. I have a great relationship with her son, my kids like her. Every time we can get together, we do get together. In fact I have her as my emergency contact, primary contact etc.

I simply don't want to get remarried. Why is that not a realistic position? I am still committed to her.

You don’t want to live together even after your kids all move out? That may be realistic for you but not most people. I don’t ever want to get remarried but move in, yes.

I am divorced and I would not want my boyfriend to move in with me.

[Anonymous]

Wow the double stranded is amazing and on full display.

If OP were the women, we would have been reading sh**t like yeah girl you don't want a man child, yeah you don't want to be a nurse, yeah girl he will have ED soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's looking for someone who has more interpersonal intelligence-- like someone who can understand why she would want to marry and not have such a tough time wrapping his head around it.

"I'm so very committed to you, but I'll never ever marry you and want to be able to walk away with all my money at any time" is not really that convincing, is it?

Another example of women taking it personally when men don't want to marry them

It's not personal. It's just that that isn't what commitment is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow the double stranded is amazing and on full display.

If OP were the women, we would have been reading sh**t like yeah girl you don't want a man child, yeah you don't want to be a nurse, yeah girl he will have ED soon.

That's because marriage is a better deal for men than for women, later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

I wouldn't date or marry someone with this level of baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

I wouldn't date or marry someone with this level of baggage.

+1. You’ve got one eye on your path to the door at all times. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting her time. Marriage has legal protections.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm with you. I'd never marry again, and i have broken up with and been broken up with over that. Just no desire to remarry: I have my kids and my own money. I don't get the point of being 40 something or older and going through that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

It's the unnecessary level of commitment between adults with their own children and finances. Why is it necessary? Monogamy is also very problematic.

[Anonymous]

My friend is OP's age and divorced. He told me that aot of women a lot of women that he has met since his divorce have said that they are not opposed to being married again

One one hand divorced women claim to be free and enjoy their new found freedom. But at the same time, they appear to eager to remarry again.

Are women afraid to be single and alone in old age? They are all telling us in this forum that men are the ones who need them more. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP and I'm a woman. Yes, she can change her mind and he can say no and break up with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is OP's age and divorced. He told me that aot of women a lot of women that he has met since his divorce have said that they are not opposed to being married again

One one hand divorced women claim to be free and enjoy their new found freedom. But at the same time, they appear to eager to remarry again.

Are women afraid to be single and alone in old age? They are all telling us in this forum that men are the ones who need them more. Which is it?

It's not so much that they're "afraid" of being alone, it's that if the relationship really is as serious and committed as this man claims, then it makes sense to cut expenses by moving in together once they're empty nesters. What OP is proposing is sort of a long-term dating relationship where he refuses to live together but she's supposed to believe he's "committed" and treat him accordingly. What he's giving and what he wants to get just don't match up.

And women are less likely to be in denial about long-term aging and caregiving. You can say they're "afraid" but I think they're just more realistic and more informed. People get old and sick! OP seems to be completely in denial of that. Eventually one of them is going to come down with an illness or injury. So are they going to care for each other, or are they going to put that burden on their kids? If OP's plan is that his girlfriend should behave as a wife when he has an illness, but he should be free to leave her when she has an illness, that's not going to be very appealing to her.

[Anonymous]

Is she older than you, OP? It seems like you are not seeing her particular valuable or that you would be at a loss if the relationship doesn't work out. You feel you can date around when your kids are out of the nest. She is already on that stage of life and needs someone who can take responsibility for future retirement together. This entails merging households, at least partially.

I personally avoid dating men who say they would never marry. First, there is a prenup to regulate financial aspects. Divorce doesn't need to be expensive or difficult. If you believe that she's a good reasonable person you shouldn't be so worried that she can make divorce a living hell even with well negotiated prenup.
Second, men are usually the older party in relationship and I wouldn't be interested in playing house/wife without having at least some legal protections long term. Aging men are not exactly fun: who would want to take on this load and just be kicked out once he dies?

But I would prefer to date and live together for at least 7 years before marriage at this age.