Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

+1. well put!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I am someone who will never remarry who has commented on this thread. I am 48 (f) and have been divorced for 6 years. You don't know what you are talking about. Many people who are divorced don't want to remarry. It (marriage) was bad the first time...only a stupid person would put themselves into a marriage again. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Cohabitating or remarrying is kind of stupid financially and legally past 40. You are not "buliding a life" at that point. You've made those decisions already. Just enjoying time with someone is all that is desirable. Overcomplicating it like you are in your 20s is completely immature and unecessary. Most divorced people I know share my position. There is a reason remarriage rates have gone done. It is just not worth it. Once is enough."

Wow! This discussion clearly touched a nerve.

It's interesting that your arguments in favor of not remarrying consist of nothing more than assertions that it's something only a stupid person would do. Can you articulate even one actual reason that two adults who see one another as "their person" should not join forces in marriage or in a marriage-like situation? Why would that make them stupid?

If you're one of those people who believe the only reason for marriage is to have children, do you also believe that people who are infertile at 25 should never marry? What about married couples who lose their child to some horrible disease or accident? Should they divorce since there's no point to being married unless there are kids?

And as far as not building a life together, are you truly so blind to the fact that many people continue to grow and thrive well after the age of 50?! I know people starting new careers at that age. I know people using those years to actively sock away as much money as possible for retirement, which is much easier to do when you have just one mortgage between the two of you. Most professionals don't retire until their late 60s. The retirement age for full SS benefits is 67. OP has 21 years till he hits 67. Hopefully, he has another 15 years after that do enjoy life with "his person."

I am the same person who said people should not marry after 40.

And I do think people should not marry unless they want kids. But if they do, do it before 40 (the marriage).

It is stupid to merge assets after 40. (Woman here.) there is just no reason for it. In most cases, people are not having kids after four together they’re first getting married and by 40 you build some of your own wealth and there’s no reason to complicate things and shared at that point; you can buy a house together without getting married, if you want to live together, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

+1. well put!

Nothing here is well put. She imposes on everyone her own worldview which is cold, emotionless and self-isolating to the extreme. Most people would see happiness differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

Didn’t work out in your 20s =further proof it was dumb

That’s OK: I was dumb too when I moved twice, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made (twice) and I would never recommend that anybody relocate for another person ever geographic preferences cannot be resolved; one person always sacrifices more and that’s inherently unfair and not ideal for any type of long lasting relationship. For someone to move in midlife, that’s even stupider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I am someone who will never remarry who has commented on this thread. I am 48 (f) and have been divorced for 6 years. You don't know what you are talking about. Many people who are divorced don't want to remarry. It (marriage) was bad the first time...only a stupid person would put themselves into a marriage again. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Cohabitating or remarrying is kind of stupid financially and legally past 40. You are not "buliding a life" at that point. You've made those decisions already. Just enjoying time with someone is all that is desirable. Overcomplicating it like you are in your 20s is completely immature and unecessary. Most divorced people I know share my position. There is a reason remarriage rates have gone done. It is just not worth it. Once is enough."

Wow! This discussion clearly touched a nerve.

It's interesting that your arguments in favor of not remarrying consist of nothing more than assertions that it's something only a stupid person would do. Can you articulate even one actual reason that two adults who see one another as "their person" should not join forces in marriage or in a marriage-like situation? Why would that make them stupid?

If you're one of those people who believe the only reason for marriage is to have children, do you also believe that people who are infertile at 25 should never marry? What about married couples who lose their child to some horrible disease or accident? Should they divorce since there's no point to being married unless there are kids?

And as far as not building a life together, are you truly so blind to the fact that many people continue to grow and thrive well after the age of 50?! I know people starting new careers at that age. I know people using those years to actively sock away as much money as possible for retirement, which is much easier to do when you have just one mortgage between the two of you. Most professionals don't retire until their late 60s. The retirement age for full SS benefits is 67. OP has 21 years till he hits 67. Hopefully, he has another 15 years after that do enjoy life with "his person."

I am the same person who said people should not marry after 40.

And I do think people should not marry unless they want kids. But if they do, do it before 40 (the marriage).

It is stupid to merge assets after 40. (Woman here.) there is just no reason for it. In most cases, people are not having kids after four together they’re first getting married and by 40 you build some of your own wealth and there’s no reason to complicate things and shared at that point; you can buy a house together without getting married, if you want to live together, for example.

What??? What you are saying is BS. Economic life doesn't end at 40. People may still benefit from economy of scale for jointly earned cinema or assets which may be particular beneficial in retirement. Men in my view should bring more to table as they age first, require care first, and are more likely to abandon spouse if she gets sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

Didn’t work out in your 20s =further proof it was dumb

That’s OK: I was dumb too when I moved twice, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made (twice) and I would never recommend that anybody relocate for another person ever geographic preferences cannot be resolved; one person always sacrifices more and that’s inherently unfair and not ideal for any type of long lasting relationship. For someone to move in midlife, that’s even stupider.

It depends on where you move. I was able to grow in my career as I moved, and find a better position in each place. All moves were highly beneficial to me. And I divorced extremely well. Maybe you should have thought better about your choices of partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I am someone who will never remarry who has commented on this thread. I am 48 (f) and have been divorced for 6 years. You don't know what you are talking about. Many people who are divorced don't want to remarry. It (marriage) was bad the first time...only a stupid person would put themselves into a marriage again. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Cohabitating or remarrying is kind of stupid financially and legally past 40. You are not "buliding a life" at that point. You've made those decisions already. Just enjoying time with someone is all that is desirable. Overcomplicating it like you are in your 20s is completely immature and unecessary. Most divorced people I know share my position. There is a reason remarriage rates have gone done. It is just not worth it. Once is enough."

Wow! This discussion clearly touched a nerve.

It's interesting that your arguments in favor of not remarrying consist of nothing more than assertions that it's something only a stupid person would do. Can you articulate even one actual reason that two adults who see one another as "their person" should not join forces in marriage or in a marriage-like situation? Why would that make them stupid?

If you're one of those people who believe the only reason for marriage is to have children, do you also believe that people who are infertile at 25 should never marry? What about married couples who lose their child to some horrible disease or accident? Should they divorce since there's no point to being married unless there are kids?

And as far as not building a life together, are you truly so blind to the fact that many people continue to grow and thrive well after the age of 50?! I know people starting new careers at that age. I know people using those years to actively sock away as much money as possible for retirement, which is much easier to do when you have just one mortgage between the two of you. Most professionals don't retire until their late 60s. The retirement age for full SS benefits is 67. OP has 21 years till he hits 67. Hopefully, he has another 15 years after that do enjoy life with "his person."

I am the same person who said people should not marry after 40.

And I do think people should not marry unless they want kids. But if they do, do it before 40 (the marriage).

It is stupid to merge assets after 40. (Woman here.) there is just no reason for it. In most cases, people are not having kids after four together they’re first getting married and by 40 you build some of your own wealth and there’s no reason to complicate things and shared at that point; you can buy a house together without getting married, if you want to live together, for example.

What??? What you are saying is BS. Economic life doesn't end at 40. People may still benefit from economy of scale for jointly earned cinema or assets which may be particular beneficial in retirement. Men in my view should bring more to table as they age first, require care first, and are more likely to abandon spouse if she gets sick

"earned income, pardon.

And nobody is encouraging here to merge all assets, you are taking it all to the extreme

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I am someone who will never remarry who has commented on this thread. I am 48 (f) and have been divorced for 6 years. You don't know what you are talking about. Many people who are divorced don't want to remarry. It (marriage) was bad the first time...only a stupid person would put themselves into a marriage again. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Cohabitating or remarrying is kind of stupid financially and legally past 40. You are not "buliding a life" at that point. You've made those decisions already. Just enjoying time with someone is all that is desirable. Overcomplicating it like you are in your 20s is completely immature and unecessary. Most divorced people I know share my position. There is a reason remarriage rates have gone done. It is just not worth it. Once is enough."

Wow! This discussion clearly touched a nerve.

It's interesting that your arguments in favor of not remarrying consist of nothing more than assertions that it's something only a stupid person would do. Can you articulate even one actual reason that two adults who see one another as "their person" should not join forces in marriage or in a marriage-like situation? Why would that make them stupid?

If you're one of those people who believe the only reason for marriage is to have children, do you also believe that people who are infertile at 25 should never marry? What about married couples who lose their child to some horrible disease or accident? Should they divorce since there's no point to being married unless there are kids?

And as far as not building a life together, are you truly so blind to the fact that many people continue to grow and thrive well after the age of 50?! I know people starting new careers at that age. I know people using those years to actively sock away as much money as possible for retirement, which is much easier to do when you have just one mortgage between the two of you. Most professionals don't retire until their late 60s. The retirement age for full SS benefits is 67. OP has 21 years till he hits 67. Hopefully, he has another 15 years after that do enjoy life with "his person."

I am the same person who said people should not marry after 40.

And I do think people should not marry unless they want kids. But if they do, do it before 40 (the marriage).

It is stupid to merge assets after 40. (Woman here.) there is just no reason for it. In most cases, people are not having kids after four together they’re first getting married and by 40 you build some of your own wealth and there’s no reason to complicate things and shared at that point; you can buy a house together without getting married, if you want to live together, for example.

What??? What you are saying is BS. Economic life doesn't end at 40. People may still benefit from economy of scale for jointly earned cinema or assets which may be particular beneficial in retirement. Men in my view should bring more to table as they age first, require care first, and are more likely to abandon spouse if she gets sick

Spoken like a woman who does not have her own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

Didn’t work out in your 20s =further proof it was dumb

That’s OK: I was dumb too when I moved twice, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made (twice) and I would never recommend that anybody relocate for another person ever geographic preferences cannot be resolved; one person always sacrifices more and that’s inherently unfair and not ideal for any type of long lasting relationship. For someone to move in midlife, that’s even stupider.

It depends on where you move. I was able to grow in my career as I moved, and find a better position in each place. All moves were highly beneficial to me. And I divorced extremely well. Maybe you should have thought better about your choices of partners.

You are an anomaly. When a woman loses, she usually sidetracks her career and that’s what happened to me with the person I married, which is the most common scenario. I would’ve done much better staying put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You believe in the “love of one’s life”. Cool. Not everyone thinks that way. Different strokes…

Oh please. The reason why anyone gets married doesn't matter. OP doesn't want to get married and that's fine. Break up and move on. I wouldn't want to date anyone indefinitely like I'm in HS and that's MY preference. There is no right or wrong answer, only what works for each person.

+1

Totally fine to change your mind.
Communicate it.

Totally fine to not change your mind.
Communicate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

Didn’t work out in your 20s =further proof it was dumb

That’s OK: I was dumb too when I moved twice, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made (twice) and I would never recommend that anybody relocate for another person ever geographic preferences cannot be resolved; one person always sacrifices more and that’s inherently unfair and not ideal for any type of long lasting relationship. For someone to move in midlife, that’s even stupider.

It depends on where you move. I was able to grow in my career as I moved, and find a better position in each place. All moves were highly beneficial to me. And I divorced extremely well. Maybe you should have thought better about your choices of partners.

You are an anomaly. When a woman loses, she usually sidetracks her career and that’s what happened to me with the person I married, which is the most common scenario. I would’ve done much better staying put.

You could have also just chosen a better suited partner for your life goals

[Anonymous]

I bet OP doesn’t have 50/50 custody since the headache of blending isn’t mentioned. AB’s he’s enjoying his freedom so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

Not that PP but clearly you have never moved for someone and had it be an epic disaster. You have fairy tales in your head.

Wrong. I moved for 2 partners. First in my 20s - actually, I changed 3 countries to be with my partner. Then I moved states in my 40s to join my second partner after divorce.

Didn’t work out in your 20s =further proof it was dumb

That’s OK: I was dumb too when I moved twice, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made (twice) and I would never recommend that anybody relocate for another person ever geographic preferences cannot be resolved; one person always sacrifices more and that’s inherently unfair and not ideal for any type of long lasting relationship. For someone to move in midlife, that’s even stupider.

It depends on where you move. I was able to grow in my career as I moved, and find a better position in each place. All moves were highly beneficial to me. And I divorced extremely well. Maybe you should have thought better about your choices of partners.

You are an anomaly. When a woman loses, she usually sidetracks her career and that’s what happened to me with the person I married, which is the most common scenario. I would’ve done much better staying put.

You could have also just chosen a better suited partner for your life goals

I didn’t know I was marrying a liar.