Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now. We are both divorced. We made it clear when we started dating that neither of us was interested in getting remarried. Now 2 years later, she asked me whether we should reconsider saying no to marriage ever. She didn't ask directly that we get married, she just said we should perhaps reconsider our position.

I am a hard No. I will absolutely break up over that. The fact that she even brought it up really turned me off. I have no desire to remarry. I am 46 and to be honest I rather be single and lonely for the rest of my life than go through marriage again.

Am I being unreasonable?

We both have descent money. We are both on track for retirement. We are not broke. Her child is a freshman in college and mine are in 10th grade and 7th grade. We don't need to do this. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

It's OK for people to change their minds, OP. She likes you. I think your reaction is the more problematic one, honestly. Please be charitable and tell her immediately you would rather break up than get married again. Don't waste her time and affection on a loser like you.

[Anonymous]

What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

[Anonymous]

You can have different opinions and change your mind. Maybe she just said that at the beginning because she wasn't sure and wanted to agree with you and that was the way you were leaning. Its ok to break up and take a hard line but you will look like a jerk if you are mean about it. Personally I find being so one way on something this universally appreciated in society is weird. Life isn't that static.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I do not want to be married again because my ex wife made the experience distaetasful. I am not against marriage I am just against marriage for ME. We don't live together. She suggested that at some point but I wasn't enthusiastic about it. I will say we are each other's person. I have a great relationship with her son, my kids like her. Every time we can get together, we do get together. In fact I have her as my emergency contact, primary contact etc.

I simply don't want to get remarried. Why is that not a realistic position? I am still committed to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

What a loser you are. People who love their partners (whether unmarried or married) accept that there will be times when their own health and money will be in jeopardy, while they tend for their loved one. This is what being in a relationship MEANS. The rest is just FWB.

I really hope that one day when you're in need, there's no one to care for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can have different opinions and change your mind. Maybe she just said that at the beginning because she wasn't sure and wanted to agree with you and that was the way you were leaning. Its ok to break up and take a hard line but you will look like a jerk if you are mean about it. Personally I find being so one way on something this universally appreciated in society is weird. Life isn't that static.

OP here. If we do break up, I am never going to be a jerk about it. In fact it's going to painful because she is perfect in every way.

I simply do not want to be married ever again.

Maybe I am sending signals to her that I am not committed enough and only marriage will show iron clad commitments? I hope not

[Anonymous]

I suggest you start with a conversation. Why does she think that maybe the two of you should reconsider?

Communicate with each other. Clear the air.

[Anonymous]

I am on team OP.

If OP were a woman and said never again all the women here would be on her side.

The issue is women take it personal when men don't want to marry them for whatever reasons. And for whatever reasons they somehow think that being married will make the man more faithful or more committed.

Plenty of women on this forum say never again to remarriage and other women cheer them on.

OP stick to your hard line. If you marry her you will resent her and end up divorced again. Don't do it.

Break up and move on.

There are other men she can meet for marriage.

[Anonymous]

She is allowed to change her mind.

Shes soft inquiring. You’re fully aware that won’t be the last time she checks the temp with you marriage

End the relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would be the difference in your relationship if you got married? (Finances aside). Do you live together? Do you spend most of your time together? Are you each other's "other person"?

I guess I've never fully understood why someone is so against marriage unless it's that level of commitment they are against. In which case, that's the issue here. She wants to be more committed/serious than you.

I know I don't ever want to be taken advantage of again. If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door. I dont want my money or health in jeopardy.

What a loser you are. People who love their partners (whether unmarried or married) accept that there will be times when their own health and money will be in jeopardy, while they tend for their loved one. This is what being in a relationship MEANS. The rest is just FWB.

I really hope that one day when you're in need, there's no one to care for you.

Not PP. The data is clear. Marriage is less and less common. Are you saying this new generation of never married people are going to be in jeopardy when their health/finances suffer?

In fact the economy is slowly adapting to 1 person households.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she wants to live together and have a lifelong commitment. And you don't. And that's okay! But she may break up with you over it. She may think it's wasteful to have two houses when you could have one. She sees that your kids will soon be off to college so she wouldn't have to deal with them much. She wants someone to be a mutual partner as she (and you) get older and have more health issues, otherwise the caregiving workload falls to adult children which can be very hard as they start having young kids of their own. Think about this-- do you want your kids to be your two primary caregivers if something happens with your health? Or would you like to have a wife/girlfriend to do it?

It's possible she always wanted this and was just telling you what you wanted to hear earlier. But I suspect her daughter launching to college is a turning point for her. Now that her daughter would not have to move in with you and your kids, and your girlfriend has more free time to think about her own life, she's reconsidering what she wants and your preferred dating relationship may not be what your girlfriend wants as an empty nester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on team OP.

If OP were a woman and said never again all the women here would be on her side.

The issue is women take it personal when men don't want to marry them for whatever reasons. And for whatever reasons they somehow think that being married will make the man more faithful or more committed.

Plenty of women on this forum say never again to remarriage and other women cheer them on.

OP stick to your hard line. If you marry her you will resent her and end up divorced again. Don't do it.

Break up and move on.

There are other men she can meet for marriage.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have different opinions and change your mind. Maybe she just said that at the beginning because she wasn't sure and wanted to agree with you and that was the way you were leaning. Its ok to break up and take a hard line but you will look like a jerk if you are mean about it. Personally I find being so one way on something this universally appreciated in society is weird. Life isn't that static.

OP here. If we do break up, I am never going to be a jerk about it. In fact it's going to painful because she is perfect in every way.

I simply do not want to be married ever again.

Maybe I am sending signals to her that I am not committed enough and only marriage will show iron clad commitments? I hope not

I think your stance and decision are fine. It's smart, actually, because it's so hard to blend families. It's good you know yourself and it's good you don't live together.

She also can change her mind and has decided she wants something different. I suspect you will probably break up but there are women who don't want to marry again and in time you will find that person and she will find someone too.

But it does mean she really loves and cares about you and wants to be with you more than she is. She's not getting what she wants now.