Freshman is really unhappy, how typical is this?

[Anonymous]

Columbia would seem more likely than Yale.

I doubt that many transfer out of Yale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more for parents of seniors who are reading this, but dorm selection can make such a huge difference and kids don’t usually have a lot of control over it. Freshman at my daughter’s school are placed all over to campuses. The most coveted dorms have students from more than one grade. They are closer to the fraternities and have bigger rooms. My daughter ended up in an older dorm that is only freshman. Her wing is not coed and I’m not sure if any of the building has coed wings. While she would love a larger room, she has friends all across campus and she is, without a doubt, in the most social dorm. I think there is something to be said for putting freshman with only other freshman. They all come into school looking to meet new people and she has made so many good friendships just from being in her dorm. During welcome week, the girls did leave their doors open and met a lot of people. Plus, they have a cafeteria in their building, so they’re constantly running into people they know. I remember hearing this advice from parents last year when we were all a little disgruntled about the building where our kids replaced. However, I would 100% advise your kid to be in a building with just freshman. It really helps build friendships.

How is this helpful when 95% of colleges don't let you pick your dorm?

That is not accurate. Many of my kids friends got to pick their dorm. They may not have had choices over all of them, but most of them did have a choice.

Dp, but agree that most schools, particularly the most selective schools, don’t give freshman a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

NP.

Thought the same and I have to wonder if this is JHU being discussed?

Doubtful, clubs aren’t that competitive and neither is rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Columbia would seem more likely than Yale.

I doubt that many transfer out of Yale?

Why did you drop out of Yale?

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. This sounds awful for your daughter and is so hard as a parent to feel kid's stress and unhappiness.

The kids we knew who were unhappy as freshman all figured it out by their second semester. And it sounds like your daughter has done absolutely everything right, but the school culture is not meshing. It sounds like a highly rejective culture.

There are SO MANY colleges where you don't have to apply to join clubs and Greek scene is non-existent. Those schools will have an easy entree into social life, even as a sophomore.

Your daughter should start researching which schools have the type of social life she wants. I have kids at different SLACs and neither school has Greek life and all clubs are open to everyone. There may be some larger universities like this as well. They've both joined whatever activities they've wanted. One of the schools even had a winter activities fair so kids who maybe didn't hit the clubs they liked first semester could try something different.

My freshman has made one really good friend who is a sophomore transfer. This person has had zero problem meeting kids and fitting in. I would not let the fear of not making friends keep her from leaving a place where she has no friends.

Good luck! Even just having transfer options can be helpful. If she decides in the spring she doesn't want to leave, she doesn't have to.

[Anonymous]

I presume that this is just after a spring rush? The girls that got into the sororities they wanted are likely very busy and very entrenched in that life, but honestly that will die down by end of the year and next year will not be as tough. In the meantime, she should continue to try to make connections and maybe those friends can invite her to some of their fraternity parties etc, or make a plan to meet up after their sorority function. But sure, work on transfer applications if she wants, but know that this is a particularly tough time post rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a freshman, and he knows three kids that transferred after first semester. One on his floor, one from high school and another was one of his teammates.

Clubs are not easy these days. Especially ones that are business related.

It's interesting...I know three freshmen who went to small D3 colleges (not academic D3s...FYI) to play their sport, who arrived at the school and realized they made a mistake almost immediately. They were blinded by the ability to play their sport that they just didn't think through their college decision.

All three are in the process of transferring to large D1 schools where they will maybe play club...but will just be happy to be spectators like all the other students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry, OP. This sounds awful for your daughter and is so hard as a parent to feel kid's stress and unhappiness.

The kids we knew who were unhappy as freshman all figured it out by their second semester. And it sounds like your daughter has done absolutely everything right, but the school culture is not meshing. It sounds like a highly rejective culture.

There are SO MANY colleges where you don't have to apply to join clubs and Greek scene is non-existent. Those schools will have an easy entree into social life, even as a sophomore.

Your daughter should start researching which schools have the type of social life she wants. I have kids at different SLACs and neither school has Greek life and all clubs are open to everyone. There may be some larger universities like this as well. They've both joined whatever activities they've wanted. One of the schools even had a winter activities fair so kids who maybe didn't hit the clubs they liked first semester could try something different.

My freshman has made one really good friend who is a sophomore transfer. This person has had zero problem meeting kids and fitting in. I would not let the fear of not making friends keep her from leaving a place where she has no friends.

Good luck! Even just having transfer options can be helpful. If she decides in the spring she doesn't want to leave, she doesn't have to.

OP here. What school is your child at? It sounds perfect for my child. Thank you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more for parents of seniors who are reading this, but dorm selection can make such a huge difference and kids don’t usually have a lot of control over it. Freshman at my daughter’s school are placed all over to campuses. The most coveted dorms have students from more than one grade. They are closer to the fraternities and have bigger rooms. My daughter ended up in an older dorm that is only freshman. Her wing is not coed and I’m not sure if any of the building has coed wings. While she would love a larger room, she has friends all across campus and she is, without a doubt, in the most social dorm. I think there is something to be said for putting freshman with only other freshman. They all come into school looking to meet new people and she has made so many good friendships just from being in her dorm. During welcome week, the girls did leave their doors open and met a lot of people. Plus, they have a cafeteria in their building, so they’re constantly running into people they know. I remember hearing this advice from parents last year when we were all a little disgruntled about the building where our kids replaced. However, I would 100% advise your kid to be in a building with just freshman. It really helps build friendships.

How is this helpful when 95% of colleges don't let you pick your dorm?

That is not accurate. Many of my kids friends got to pick their dorm. They may not have had choices over all of them, but most of them did have a choice.

Dp, but agree that most schools, particularly the most selective schools, don’t give freshman a choice.

The original post was directed at parents whose kids haven't graduated. This has nothing to do with just most selective schools (or random deisgnation of top 30). I've seen it across a lot of different ranking levels.

Regardless, it's valuable advie to those who have a choice.

I suspect I know where DC's kid attends based upon the competitiveness of clubs, the winter rush and the use of T30 instead of 20 or 25. It sounds like what my kid's friend has been going through, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

NP.

Thought the same and I have to wonder if this is JHU being discussed?

The single rooms, highly rejective club culture, and spring rush brought Yale to mind.

This does not sound at all like Yale.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Columbia or Cornell to me

[Anonymous]

Do any of your DD’s HS classmates attend the same school? I ask because another mom might be able to share some observations or insights from her kid’s experience at the same school (or even the kid’s observation of your DD).

I fully agree with not just letting her look into transferring, but helping her look into other places she might like better. Real, robust conversations about what she thought she wanted in a school when she applied and how the reality has been different might help her identify schools that are a good fit. Maybe also encourage her to talk with her HS friends at other schools to find out what their experiences have been ,Ike (not just on social media) or even visit them to get a sense of what other schools are like. Ideally, she gets in somewhere else AND things turn around this semester and she can make a choice among good options, not just one to get away from what seems now like a “bad” option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

NP.

Thought the same and I have to wonder if this is JHU being discussed?

The single rooms, highly rejective club culture, and spring rush brought Yale to mind.

OP said "Top 30." If it were Hopkins of Yale, I'm assuming the description would have been "Top 10."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

The is good to hear!

Another thought; has she joined a church at her college? Many students join right away, th laugh I know some forget or get too busy with other things on campus.

But she could maybe meet folks through church. Also, see if her university has a chapter of CRU:


https://www.cru.org/

My DS goes to the Catholic Center at his school for events and meets kids there. It has centered him and made his other social relationships easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is pretty typical. Unless, you are going to your state flagship with a bunch of your HS friends and rooming with a friend. New place is difficult. But, I promise that this will get better.

This might be something to consider. Most kids love their state’s flagship school.