Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Why can't we just live in separate houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

DP here. I’m a young Gen Xer (1980) and hardly a “grannymommy” (what a stupid word!) I had my kids at 28 and 31 and they are now 17 and 14. Non of my Gen X friends are empty nesters. Work on your math.

Assuming a median GenX age of about 53, an average age of last birth when a woman is 31, and children leaving the house at age 18, you'd expect most GenXers to have been empty nesters for four years or so. But it wouldn't be eyebrow raising for the youngest GenXers to have a 10 year old at home.

Not in the DCUM demographic. Are you kidding? Non-Hispanic whites have their first baby a little after 28, while for Asians its after 31.

When is the last baby though? I have to think a lot of this demographic is one-and-done. Having a second child by 31 doesn't seem like a stretch. Third and fourth children are probably somewhat rare. So I doubt 31 is all that far off for last child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

NP. This was a completely obnoxious comment, but I did get a laugh at PP’s need to let us know that her child is at VT.

Back on topic, someone upthread said that all women want at this stage of life is peace and quiet. That is certainly very true for me most days, and I’m definitely dropping more ropes every year.

My DH is great, but he does tend to put the burden of thinking on me a lot of times. It used to drive me particularly crazy that, 100% of the time, he would ask me how long to microwave a thing for, even though he microwaved lunches and snacks for himself throughout childhood and I got my first microwave in my 20s. I have let go of the resentment and now amuse myself and our teen by giving him whatever number strikes my fancy that day. “Try 47 seconds, or a minute 10. Let me know how it turns out!”

Yes! My DH can make an entire Thanksgiving dinner for 20 people, but making himself a lunch on the weekend seems to be beyond his capabilities.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support. [/quote]
+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores. [/quote]

+1
Women just want a real partner, not another person who wants to be taken care of. [/quote] I think my husband is resentful that I’m not here waiting for him after work with a hot dinner on the table and a clean house. And I’m not just on standby ready to have sex whenever he has the urge. And that he has to put in any effort at all into our relationship. He basically saw his dad get all of those things with no effort other than going to work, so whether he would admit it or not that’s his template.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't we just live in separate houses?

You can but men are needy who will do all the things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

DP here. I’m a young Gen Xer (1980) and hardly a “grannymommy” (what a stupid word!) I had my kids at 28 and 31 and they are now 17 and 14. Non of my Gen X friends are empty nesters. Work on your math.

I was 36 and 38 when I had my kids. I guess, at 54 with an 18 and 15yo, I'm a grandmommy. A benefit of being an older mom is that I grew out of the judgmental bich phase, unlike the original pp, who is a lousy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

DP here. I’m a young Gen Xer (1980) and hardly a “grannymommy” (what a stupid word!) I had my kids at 28 and 31 and they are now 17 and 14. Non of my Gen X friends are empty nesters. Work on your math.

I was 36 and 38 when I had my kids. I guess, at 54 with an 18 and 15yo, I'm a grandmommy. A benefit of being an older mom is that I grew out of the judgmental bich phase, unlike the original pp, who is a lousy person.

+1 55 with a 17 and 20 year old. Benefit for us was being married at 28 (7 years before we decided to have kids) so we traveled all around the world together, lived abroad while making serious $$$$$. A two income healthy start for 7-years gave us such a financial head start by the time the kids came along already had one house paid off and zero FOMO since we also partied and did everything possible those 7 years.

[Anonymous]

This is common knowledge - that's why they call it MENopause. It's when we have to hit pause with the MEN. It's biological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't we just live in separate houses?

You can but men are needy who will do all the things.

They go seek a younger woman who is desparate enough to do all of the things they don't do, or they become pathetic old incels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

DP here. I’m a young Gen Xer (1980) and hardly a “grannymommy” (what a stupid word!) I had my kids at 28 and 31 and they are now 17 and 14. Non of my Gen X friends are empty nesters. Work on your math.

Assuming a median GenX age of about 53, an average age of last birth when a woman is 31, and children leaving the house at age 18, you'd expect most GenXers to have been empty nesters for four years or so. But it wouldn't be eyebrow raising for the youngest GenXers to have a 10 year old at home.

Not in the DCUM demographic. Are you kidding? Non-Hispanic whites have their first baby a little after 28, while for Asians its after 31.

When is the last baby though? I have to think a lot of this demographic is one-and-done. Having a second child by 31 doesn't seem like a stretch. Third and fourth children are probably somewhat rare. So I doubt 31 is all that far off for last child.

I can only speak for my little pocket of UMC DMV, but mid 30s seems to be standard for first babies around here. Certain demographics have their babies younger (military, temporary on assignment, professional sports players, Hispanic immigrants), but on the whole the educated professionals grinding it out here wait, either because they haven’t found a partner yet or they want to raise their kids with all the UMC trappings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't we just live in separate houses?

You can but men are needy who will do all the things.

They go seek a younger woman who is desparate enough to do all of the things they don't do, or they become pathetic old incels.

Which is why living in separate houses isn’t always an easy answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common knowledge - that's why they call it MENopause. It's when we have to hit pause with the MEN. It's biological.

1! Menopause ties up very neatly to the point where many men are entering their final stretches of life. I think we’re programmed to want them out.

Historically, if a woman survived multiple childbirths, the chances were very good that she’d live to help raise her grandbabies, which further improves her odds of reproductive success. There is no biological role for old men who are worn out and can’t or won’t contribute, so nature would tend to clean them out.

Obviously there were exceptions all around - it can be good for society to have a few wise old males hanging around - but not TOO many. Even today, men tend to die younger than women, and that’s true for desk workers and manual laborers.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t put up with him and my in-laws for all these years for half the money or making my adult kids split holidays. I’ll ride it out - he’s likable enough. Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting. I woke up to the uneven load/manchild situation I was in while I was in my 30s and my three kids were pretty young. I have family money so I was able to leave without much stress. My parents were almost happy for me. I am in a serious long distance relationship now (he has kids too) and it has been such a good situation - I have the emotional support and friendship of a partner but we have no pressure to merge families/homes/kids until they are all out of the house.

Looking back I think my exh really resented (and still does) the autonomy I had since I had my own resources. It has been 12 years since the divorce and the kids are almost all grown. He struggled for years after and his mom stepped in to keep house, etc for a while. Now he is remarried and it seems his wife (who I like) is much more suited to be a mom/wife.

I am not saying this is true, but here is another opinion for you to consider-
You didn’t want or need him and treated him that way. He began immaturely acting the way he felt in the relationship, resented the fact that the woman he loved saw him as unimportant, unwanted and unworthy. Maybe your family money created the notion that he didn’t deserve what you could give him, if you desired to love him. What if all he wanted was to be needed by you?

You really think wanting to be needed is an excuse for yet another man becoming a selfish, exploitative user and deliberately shirking his duties as husband and father?

Some of you will justify anything a man does.

-DP

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's menopause. I think it's the kids reaching an age to be independent enough that a woman doesn't have to tolerate the ass.h.ole husband. Most men just aren't worthwhile. They're miserable, stagnant, selfish, and bad in bed while expecting to be catered to and centered in everything. A paycheck is the most they offer and that's incidental. If the man were single, he'd work regardless to maintain his own status and satisfy his own greed for things. As I told my ex before leaving him, where's the payoff? My life improved in every area after ditching him. Even the autoimmune conditions I thought were aging-related completely cleared up. It was him and his hateful personality.