Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

[Anonymous]

https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

[Anonymous]

at this age, their hormones are all over the place along with mood swings, bodily aches, low sex drive, etc. Some of them are tired of doing the work and not being appreciated but meno definitely exacerbates all of that.

It is very common.

[Anonymous]

This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

[Anonymous]

"No one talks about this" translates to "This is the first low-views blog to discuss this highly important topic THIS WEEK"

[Anonymous]

I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships. Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels. But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

+1 this is absolutely my change in attitude with menopause. Just can't change people anymore. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships. Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels. But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.

It's more like: "I don't want to carry this all on my back anymore. And I see through you and men in general. I am apathatic. Just don't make my life harder."

[Anonymous]

My dh and I are definitely bickering like never before. I'm nearing official menopause status and find I have less patience for his jokey attitude, which previously delighted me. He's getting grumpier and less patient/more offended when I'm moody. We will not divorce. In sane, calm moments, we acknowledge that this is a phase we will survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships. Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels. But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.

Well, if men spent any time reading about relationships or menopause, they would figure this out pretty quick. There are a million and one hits on google they could find with women talking about being “done” at age 50. They are actually probably being willfully blind if they are not seeing this. I’m not saying that they should expect divorce but they should be prepared for a potential change in attitude.

I’m the person who said I won’t divorce my ADHD husband, and I think we are navigating this pretty well. But that is likely because I’m incredibly frank. My executive functioning is not as good as it was. So I joke around and say “oh no, now that my executive functioning sucks, what are we going to do?” I’ve told him he has to cut me slack on this and he does. Just like I’ve cut him some slack for 20 years. He is doing more of the physical labor with our disabled child, because it is much more difficult for me now that she is a teen. Im doing all the homework support with our non-disabled child (or at least less disabled she has ADHD and incredible slow processing), which is a part time job for me.

We both understand that we are both doing the best we can. But not all couples can give each other the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I actually read a research study that showed that long time married couples seem to default to assuming the best of intents to the spouse. We strive for this and (generally) achieve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships. Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels. But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.

Well, if men spent any time reading about relationships or menopause, they would figure this out pretty quick. There are a million and one hits on google they could find with women talking about being “done” at age 50. They are actually probably being willfully blind if they are not seeing this. I’m not saying that they should expect divorce but they should be prepared for a potential change in attitude.

I’m the person who said I won’t divorce my ADHD husband, and I think we are navigating this pretty well. But that is likely because I’m incredibly frank. My executive functioning is not as good as it was. So I joke around and say “oh no, now that my executive functioning sucks, what are we going to do?” I’ve told him he has to cut me slack on this and he does. Just like I’ve cut him some slack for 20 years. He is doing more of the physical labor with our disabled child, because it is much more difficult for me now that she is a teen. Im doing all the homework support with our non-disabled child (or at least less disabled she has ADHD and incredible slow processing), which is a part time job for me.

We both understand that we are both doing the best we can. But not all couples can give each other the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I actually read a research study that showed that long time married couples seem to default to assuming the best of intents to the spouse. We strive for this and (generally) achieve it.

Well, from the man’s perspective, when you read about women who are done with their useless man-child husbands at age 50—and you are not yourself a man-child husband and you pull your weight in the marriage and then some—you’re not really on notice that she might just be “done” with you anyway from reading that sort of article.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

+1 this is absolutely my change in attitude with menopause. Just can't change people anymore. Oh well.

+1
Husband - kids - siblings - my parents etc

I love them, and I cannot change them. I’m also doing the same thing with time. Teen DD was late to a final and worried she wouldn’t be able to take it before Christmas. My only response ‘that’s really irresponsible of you. What are you going to do?’