Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Actually I think most women would’ve okay with a warm body who actually shared household chores.

Most men don’t.

After divorce women do significantly less housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

You are in denial. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Your children will feel it. You are modeling the wrong behavior. You should seek therapy or counseling. Divorce if it doesn’t work out.

This is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

As a 58 yr old woman, I totally get it.

I’m tired of the increasingly grumpy, increasingly anxious man I’m married to. After 26 years of marriage and my doing 80% of the child-rearing, the household logistics, the cooking and cleaning, even mowing the lawn every week so he could do his “projects”, I want peace and ease. He wants to complain and make life more difficult. But also get sex every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Speak for yourself. I love that my husband does the shopping and cooking. One of the main reasons I'm still here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Actually I think most women would’ve okay with a warm body who actually shared household chores.

Most men don’t.

After divorce women do significantly less housework.

Because men are gross. Can you get the pee in the toilet, not just outside it? Clean the hair out of the sink and drain? Maybe put your shoes away once in a while instead of walking all over the house with grit on your boots?

[Anonymous]

"I’m tired of the increasingly grumpy, increasingly anxious man I’m married to."

This. Women definitely having hormone/mood/desire issues, but many mid-life men seem increasingly grumpy. Add to that name-calling and words that can't be taken back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

I hear you. I have all but sworn off cooking. People wander around asking what's for dinner. I tell them what's in the fridge and go one with my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

OMG yes. Yes, yes, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

I read something that said that Millennial men are *way* better at shouldering household responsibilities than previous generations. There's no evidence that Millennial women are any happier about marriage though.

Equity is valuable for its own sake. But I don't think it's going to make anyone any happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

After 15-20 years of parenting and maintain a home in spite of a deadweight ManChild, I’d agree: Time for Divorce.

ManChild can go find a new Mommy figure. Sans kids she won’t know what hit her until she actually has to rely on him for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

I hear you. I have all but sworn off cooking. People wander around asking what's for dinner. I tell them what's in the fridge and go one with my day.

Sounds good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

You are in denial. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Your children will feel it. You are modeling the wrong behavior. You should seek therapy or counseling. Divorce if it doesn’t work out.

He’s an absentee, neglectful parent, and now she can be one too!
Why dump on the functional parent and force them to be hyper vigilant, the mother and father, and do everything?
Plus the sooner the children get independent and learn they can’t trust their delinquent parent(s), the sooner they will grow up and set boundaries. And see each parent for who they really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships. Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels. But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.

It's more like: "I don't want to carry this all on my back anymore. And I see through you and men in general. I am apathatic. Just don't make my life harder."

least in my case, it’s more of that. I’ve carried a heavy load the last two weeks decades raising children working full-time and taking care of everyone else and I’m tired and I don’t wanna do it anymore. I want to spend some time on self actualization now, not pleasing anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

No issue with men not doing chores in this household. But the grumpiness is constant.