Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common knowledge - that's why they call it MENopause. It's when we have to hit pause with the MEN. It's biological.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't we just live in separate houses?

You can but men are needy who will do all the things.

Bless your heart. You seem to desperately want to believe that to be true.

[Anonymous]

I think for many there’s a sense of midlife being their last hurrah. They have a sex drive, they want to feel sexy and desired for the last time and their DHs have been phoning it in for a decade at least. Men don’t make their wives feel wanted, sexually or intellectually, so we look around and wonder why we are still doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common knowledge - that's why they call it MENopause. It's when we have to hit pause with the MEN. It's biological.

"Menses" derives from the Latin word mensis (plural menses), meaning "month" or "months". It originates from a Proto-Indo-European root, me(n)ses-, meaning both "moon" and "month," reflecting the ancient practice of using the 29-day lunar cycle to measure time and, by association, the menstrual cycle.

Menopause originates from the French term ménopause, coined in 1821 by physician Charles-Pierre-Louis de Gardanne. It is derived from the Greek roots men ("month" or "monthly") and pausis ("cessation" or "pause"), literally meaning the “cessation of the monthly cycle”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

You're among the youngest GenXers. MOST of us are empty nesters. You're an outlier.

I'm 54 and I have a 23 yo and a 21 yo. The 23 yo is launched. The 21 yo is a junior at VT. I'm an empty nester.

Just because you were a grannymommy doesn't make you typical.

NP. This was a completely obnoxious comment, but I did get a laugh at PP’s need to let us know that her child is at VT.

Back on topic, someone upthread said that all women want at this stage of life is peace and quiet. That is certainly very true for me most days, and I’m definitely dropping more ropes every year.

My DH is great, but he does tend to put the burden of thinking on me a lot of times. It used to drive me particularly crazy that, 100% of the time, he would ask me how long to microwave a thing for, even though he microwaved lunches and snacks for himself throughout childhood and I got my first microwave in my 20s. I have let go of the resentment and now amuse myself and our teen by giving him whatever number strikes my fancy that day. “Try 47 seconds, or a minute 10. Let me know how it turns out!”

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUDs1D1DuXl/?igsh=azB4NDNjcjFlM2hm

[Anonymous]

This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

You mad bro?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

You clearly don't like women and we don't like you. Where's the problem? Take your freedom and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

Actually, a relationship requires fulfilling the other's "emotional relationship needs." Sorry that upsets you! You should be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

You clearly don't like women and we don't like you. Where's the problem? Take your freedom and go.

We can’t just go can we?
While you sat at home, barely employed talking about how everything was dumped on you yet you left us to pay your bills for 27 years in a row? While you said you did everything you possibly could yet couldn’t bear to straighten up a tiny bit before the cleaning lady came?
When you said your work was the only thing he gave you fulfillment yet you only really did it for about eight hours a month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is man-hating, angry, bitter, drivel conjured by women with main character syndrom. Men do not exit to fulfill your emotional relationship needs. Good God.

You clearly don't like women and we don't like you. Where's the problem? Take your freedom and go.

We can’t just go can we?
While you sat at home, barely employed talking about how everything was dumped on you yet you left us to pay your bills for 27 years in a row? While you said you did everything you possibly could yet couldn’t bear to straighten up a tiny bit before the cleaning lady came?
When you said your work was the only thing he gave you fulfillment yet you only really did it for about eight hours a month?

Men like you are always spewing bitterness about the women you're married to. Yet, you won't leave and you go bonkers when she decides to leave. Funny how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for everyone when Mom starts matching energy, which is what happens when all the reproductive hormones that were encouraging mom to build a home and ignore all the crap disappear. Men can get really resentful when they have to do stuff, and it’s coming at a time when most women just refuse to care anymore.

This describes my marriage (still married). I have good overall energy due to HRT, but I just don't care anymore. I'm done being everyone's caretaker and rock. I'm taking care of myself now, and if it results in the end of my marriage, fine, maybe even great. DH and I don't actually have much in common anymore, other than kids. I have some remaining bucket-list travel that would be more fun to do with friends or solo than with DH. My kids need to learn to take care of themselves before they leave for college. I suppose if my spouse were a great partner to me, I'd feel differently, but they're not, so whatever. He'd probably leave me or cheat on me if I got sick. That summarizes marriage in midlife - whatever. Take it or leave it.

Unfortunately, this. The statistics on men honoring their vows to stand by their wives in both sickness and health are pretty horrible. I’ve been having some tough conversations with myself if my DH is the kind of guy to stand by and support me when I’m physically unable to make his life seamless anymore, or if he going to ditch me, take half of what I worked for (I’m the higher earner by far), and look for someone else to take care of him.

And if he’s not going to stand by me, whether I want to continue to invest time and resources into this relationship or simply cut my losses and invest in myself and the friendships I don’t have time to nurture now.

Sad thing is he is a “good guy” and a great dad, he just can’t stand not being the center of attention for long. I’m generally healthy now and very few things completely take me out, but when it has happened a handful of times over 20 years his support evaporated pretty fast. Think, playing video games and eating junk food all night so he has a “migraine” and can’t take care of the kids, while I’m forced to power through kids and chores with a 104 fever. I can only imagine how he’d handle something more chronic and debilitating like cancer.

I gotta say this is one area where my husband showed up. I didn't have something debilitating, but I had a cancer scare and had surgery and he immediately dropped work and was 100% there. And one of my complaints over the years is his over-dedication to his job when he could have easily bowed out of things or flat out stood up for himself.

But he is sort of a man child and emotionally immature/disregulated.

I absolutely do not have the desire or energy to find a new partner. We may live separately after we retire. We are actually pretty happy that way. It's the day to day of family life that's been a strain. And for the last decade we have just totally diverged on our views on current events/politics/the way things are going in the country. I know people roll their eyes but we work in the foreign policy space and that was always part of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

This 💯. I’m 50 and in perimenopause and my IDGAF approach to life is sky high right now especially when it comes to my spouse. I am tired of having to work full-time and make a more salary as DH but also have to be the family calendar keeper, activity organizer, cruise director, vacation planner, and appointment gatekeeper. Not to mention micromanager of school and sports and homework.

I don’t have any interest in ever marrying again (if my husband and I split which is looking more and more likely). I already have two teenagers and really don’t need another helpless husband masquerading as one hoping for sex.

One and done.

[Anonymous]

I am so much happpier now that man child is out of my life and my kids lives! And yes they are too. I compromised in ways that destroyed my self and allowed abuse in the hopes of keeping an intact family. He just wanted the appearance of father and husband without putting in the work. I didn’t see that at the beginning. Nor did I see his mental health issues. Menopause liberated me.

[Anonymous]

I can’t wait.

Such a bad role model for the children too.