DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

Your DS is in a difficult spot, but as a former band member, I would say that he needs to be at the performance.

He can figure out how to catch up on the AP class - he's putting himself before others in this case which isn't cool.

[Anonymous]

Band is a school activity, they should make sure accommodations are made.

My kids missed classes their HS sport for away games, and they were allowed to make up the work, went after school for additional help if needed. Maybe because your son is still relatively new to HS he isn’t aware of this?

I would suggest contacting the band instructor to discuss. Your son is 14? 15? He needs your assistance in navigating this.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all of the replies. He could see if the teacher would be willing to videotape the lesson so he could watch it later and not miss anything. Setting up video would not be too much work for the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a funny feeling this kid isn’t in band. He’s actually in the orchestra. The kid is in AYPO so obviously plays orchestra. Band was a cover. I also know what school this is, as my child is in this same performance which is taking place today. It’s a mix of band, orchestra, choir and drama students. It’s a fun holiday performance. My child is older and his teachers were 100% supportive.

MANY schools have these kinds of performances in December. Heck, we do and I live far from DC. I wouldn't assume you know the school.

DP. I agree it’s common but all the more reason that OF COURSE the kid performs.

My AP student has to miss fairly often for choir events or pep rallies (dance team.) she also misses 4 school days every winter for dance nationals. Yes it’s a lot of makeup work but I think it teaches important life skills.

[Anonymous]

Your son is correct OP. There is no reason to have a mandatory band concert in the middle of the school day.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

Stop calling a 14 year old boy a wuss, you POS
He thinks going to the class is the right thing to do, so he's doing that. He is not weak. You may think he's misguided or whatever but there is no reason to call him a name.

He's planning to ghost his band because he's too scared to speak to a teacher. That's not okay. He needs to show more maturity.

And his mother thinks this is ok. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Yup, this is the parents' job to teach him this is not okay. My DS is in orchestra and he misses probably a combined 4 days of school/classes per year for concerts. The kids get summative grades for all of the concerts so if he just did not show up because he was unwilling to miss another class, that would lower his orchestra grade for sure. They also have optional trips that you can miss but school day concerts are mandatory.

DS also has an extracurricular that requires him to sometimes miss the last class or two of the day a few times per year. He hates to miss classes but I think it is important to be well rounded, too.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks all. I will encourage my son to tell the band teacher that he has to miss the concert. This is not one of the major concerts and my son does not have a solo or anything. The band has had to perform without him before for other extenuating circumstances that are not worth getting into here and no one will be able to tell that he is missing. My son will be at the important events that were highlighted in the contract my son had to sign to join the band. My son is well rounded but I do not see a reason to push him to miss an important class for a concert. The band is not counting on him - they will be fine without him. And if all the students made the same choice as my son, then maybe the band teachers would have to adjust and that would not be a bad thing IMHO. That said, if my son wanted to go to the band performance and miss class, I would support that too.

[Anonymous]

The kid is making up an excuse. He can get a academic support at lunchtime for what he missed.

[Anonymous]

Shocked how many parents think this is okay. If your kid is skipping a concert (and they aren’t sick or at a major life event), they should also quit band.

This extends into every aspect of life. People who make commitments and then pick and choose. It’s the parents who sign up their kids for a rec sports team knowing their kid will miss half the games bc they have something else “more important.” It’s just gross to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks all. I will encourage my son to tell the band teacher that he has to miss the concert. This is not one of the major concerts and my son does not have a solo or anything. The band has had to perform without him before for other extenuating circumstances that are not worth getting into here and no one will be able to tell that he is missing. My son will be at the important events that were highlighted in the contract my son had to sign to join the band. My son is well rounded but I do not see a reason to push him to miss an important class for a concert. The band is not counting on him - they will be fine without him. And if all the students made the same choice as my son, then maybe the band teachers would have to adjust and that would not be a bad thing IMHO. That said, if my son wanted to go to the band performance and miss class, I would support that too.

It hasn’t even been one semester and he has already missed multiple performances? Maybe band is too much commitment for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is correct OP. There is no reason to have a mandatory band concert in the middle of the school day.

Do you know anything about how performing arts works in high school? Sit down and shut up. Don’t sign up next year with an attitude like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks all. I will encourage my son to tell the band teacher that he has to miss the concert. This is not one of the major concerts and my son does not have a solo or anything. The band has had to perform without him before for other extenuating circumstances that are not worth getting into here and no one will be able to tell that he is missing. My son will be at the important events that were highlighted in the contract my son had to sign to join the band. My son is well rounded but I do not see a reason to push him to miss an important class for a concert. The band is not counting on him - they will be fine without him. And if all the students made the same choice as my son, then maybe the band teachers would have to adjust and that would not be a bad thing IMHO. That said, if my son wanted to go to the band performance and miss class, I would support that too.

You’re an entitled tiger parent. I bet your son doesn’t dare miss an AYPO concert.

[Anonymous]

Leave him alone, he has made his decision and this is a minor thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a funny feeling this kid isn’t in band. He’s actually in the orchestra. The kid is in AYPO so obviously plays orchestra. Band was a cover. I also know what school this is, as my child is in this same performance which is taking place today. It’s a mix of band, orchestra, choir and drama students. It’s a fun holiday performance. My child is older and his teachers were 100% supportive.

AYPO has at least two orchestras that have band instruments - AYP and AYSO. Woodwinds, brass, percussion, they're all there.

Both our children go to the same school, but I'm not sure OP's kid does. Today's performances encompass the entire day, and DD is missing ALL her classes. Then will be back in school this evening and tomorrow evening for two more performances. She has a summative today. She took 1/2 during FLEX yesterday, and will take the other half tomorrow.

OP, every orchestra director my DD has had, has had the kids sign off on a schedule for the school year, affirming that they will make it to performances, it is part of their grade, and that they will keep the instructor informed. Is that not the case with band? Additionally, what will he do when he makes it to district/regional/state bands? Those require missing at least one whole day of school.

That was a good idea. I wonder why mine didn’t think of that. Mine has a summative today as well but is making it up only tomorrow in FLEX. Not sure mine can finish.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t let him take band next year OP. It is not fair to the other students. How selfish and rude.