DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

his band grade will probably take a hit. that'll affect his GPA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

They miss 1 day and cannot catch up? Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me commitment to a group is very important and it would be poor character to not show up for your band/team. Your child can prepare by having a friend take good notes, and of course should tell the teacher beforehand (at our school you need teachers to sign a permission slip even for in-school events). It's also good to show some flexibility and ability to adapt: what if he were sick? Would his grades crumble from missing one day?

I agree. Kids need to learn to adjust and also be well rounded. One class is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this just plays out. With him navigating, the perhaps, rough waters. True character building. This experience -overall- not a bad thing. Either decision by the student (not the school) is defensible. He will and should defend himself if needed.

btw, my DD once walked off the field during (once again) a practice that ran way long. She had a very important test to (continue) studying for. It was a scene. The coach berated her but instead, she felt empowered. Proud of herself and knew she had the support of her teammates. Thought she made him look much worse

Walking out of a practice is way different from ghosting a performance. If your kid had walked out the goal in a match that ran long due to rain delay, that would be equivalent.

This kid deserves to fail band. At most schools, that would be the consequence for a kid who was in school and didn't show up. My guess is they won't be chosen for future auditioned based bands, so it will be either taking freshman band for 4 years or dropping AYPO, all because they were too afraid to ask for lecture notes, or to risk an A-.

[Anonymous]

My kid had to make a similar choice recently. It was a special performance, out of school, during the day.

He has a great love of music, so willingly missed 2 of his mid day AP classes to make a band performance. He has As in the classes, but has to work very hard for them. Did it add stress? Absolutely. But he loves playing music and performing -- and was willing to do the extra work to make up for the class time lost, so went for it.

If your kid made a different choice that's fine, as long as he talked to the band director so they could plan accordingly. My kid is a soloist, so would be greatly missed and it would be hard to cover but not impossible if the band had time to plan ahead. But if there are multiple of your kid's instrument, then likely not a big deal.

Same thing happens at the end of the day for sports on occasion. It is just part of extracurriculars sometimes. But they're optional for the most part, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school it’s common to miss class for various school-sponsored things, from a few hours to many days for school related trips. Teachers are expected to be accommodating. I can’t think of any occasion where a student refused to participate in the event they elected to join.

Sounds like performing arts are not for him.

He right

You are an idiot

No, the kid is wrong and YOU are an idiot.

NP

[Anonymous]

The performance should be an assembly or be during lunch.

However, your kid committed to be in band. I’d see if the course materials indicate performance during other classes. If it does, then he’s failing to fulfill an obligation.

That said, unless he is a star player, he can skip. It might ding his band grade?

[Anonymous]

God forbit this kid ever gets sick during the school year.

It sucks to have to catch up. No question. They deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God forbit this kid ever gets sick during the school year.

It sucks to have to catch up. No question. They deal.

Don’t forget all the days missed for traveling. Posters went crazy when the school requested attendance. The thread is here.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son is trying to make a responsible choice. That should be applauded. But ultimately he is putting himself (his AP success) before his commitment to the collective (the band).

There is no single AP lesson in the world that cannot be made up. (Weird that you’re not telling us which subject it is, but I guarantee you it’s not something where missing one day is going to sink the student.) Maybe he’ll have to work a little harder to learn that day’s concepts. He can go to the teacher’s office hours for help or watch extra online videos to help him make sure he learns that day’s material.

Do not ask the teacher to record the lesson.
Do communicate with all teachers.
Do help your son figure out what’s the right thing to do and how to best arrange things to minimize the impact of his decision. Yes, he didn’t choose to have a conflict. But he did choose to take band. Nobody forced him. And he would not miss an APYO performance, so he should pull his fair share of the load and attend the band performance, then maybe he has to work a bit harder to make up the one day of AP class that he missed.

[Anonymous]

I have a funny feeling this kid isn’t in band. He’s actually in the orchestra. The kid is in AYPO so obviously plays orchestra. Band was a cover. I also know what school this is, as my child is in this same performance which is taking place today. It’s a mix of band, orchestra, choir and drama students. It’s a fun holiday performance. My child is older and his teachers were 100% supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a funny feeling this kid isn’t in band. He’s actually in the orchestra. The kid is in AYPO so obviously plays orchestra. Band was a cover. I also know what school this is, as my child is in this same performance which is taking place today. It’s a mix of band, orchestra, choir and drama students. It’s a fun holiday performance. My child is older and his teachers were 100% supportive.

MANY schools have these kinds of performances in December. Heck, we do and I live far from DC. I wouldn't assume you know the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:his band grade will probably take a hit. that'll affect his GPA

This. Performances are mandatory graded activities at our school. They don’t have large tests or projects - this IS the grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a funny feeling this kid isn’t in band. He’s actually in the orchestra. The kid is in AYPO so obviously plays orchestra. Band was a cover. I also know what school this is, as my child is in this same performance which is taking place today. It’s a mix of band, orchestra, choir and drama students. It’s a fun holiday performance. My child is older and his teachers were 100% supportive.

AYPO has at least two orchestras that have band instruments - AYP and AYSO. Woodwinds, brass, percussion, they're all there.

Both our children go to the same school, but I'm not sure OP's kid does. Today's performances encompass the entire day, and DD is missing ALL her classes. Then will be back in school this evening and tomorrow evening for two more performances. She has a summative today. She took 1/2 during FLEX yesterday, and will take the other half tomorrow.

OP, every orchestra director my DD has had, has had the kids sign off on a schedule for the school year, affirming that they will make it to performances, it is part of their grade, and that they will keep the instructor informed. Is that not the case with band? Additionally, what will he do when he makes it to district/regional/state bands? Those require missing at least one whole day of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

Stop calling a 14 year old boy a wuss, you POS
He thinks going to the class is the right thing to do, so he's doing that. He is not weak. You may think he's misguided or whatever but there is no reason to call him a name.

He's planning to ghost his band because he's too scared to speak to a teacher. That's not okay. He needs to show more maturity.

Yeah, that’s terrible, OP. He needs to tell his band teacher ahead of time.