DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

Usually the band concert is part of their grade, like an exam. He may get a zero for that grade if he just no shows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

I can't imagine how missing one day of class for a school-related activity would cause someone to be this behind unless one or both teachers were being intentionally punitive.

OP here - teacher for this class is amazing. Incredibly dedicated and gifted teacher - not punitive. But he has extremely high standards and class moves very quickly. DS does not want to miss class because the teachers is such a good lecturer so it is hard to recreate the in-class learning with just the text book or videos. DS already decided to pass on the spring amusement park band trip because it would require missing this class. (It is a block schedule school so missing one class is really like missing two classes).

I agree with your son. But part of making this mature decision is to talk to band teacher about it- not to simply skip. Maybe band teacher will excuse h8m, maybe he’ll still get a zero for missing- but the teacher should know where he is, why he didn’t attend, and have the opportunity to adjust the music for his sectional if it’s needed.

This. He talks to both teachers and makes a decision and clearly communicates. Stay out of the decision OP but counsel him to do this.

I’m interested that people are suggesting he talk to the band teacher ahead of time. He was worried that the teacher would try to step in and force him to miss the class. At my job we constantly say sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. This seemed like it might be one of those situations.

It really depends on the teacher as some are more flexible than others. Our band teacher knows we emphasized academics, but that also means my child is penalized and not given the parts or opportunities that other kids are made a priority for as they put band first. Some of the academic teachers are great knowing what the band teacher is like and others aren't. We supplement in two major classes with tutors to help keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually the band concert is part of their grade, like an exam. He may get a zero for that grade if he just no shows

+1 he till get a O and then his band grade will suffer and that’s supposed to be an easy A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The band director at our high school is very pushy and aggressive about any conflicts at all. It's a huge turnoff and many kids who otherwise love music have had to drop out because of his attitude. It's too bad, as I'm sure there are benefits to having a larger band of committed students who just may have more than one thing going on. And of course, the kids lose out on the experience as well.

+1, my child has dropped out of a lot of things at school for band because of it.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to do band and not expect to miss classes sometimes, between during the school day performances and band trips. So if your kid feels he absolutely cannot miss other classes, band may not be for him.

In our experience, DS worked with his other teachers beforehand to come up with a plan for when he would miss a class. Same for his sport which occasionally takes him out of school.

He is a senior now heading to T20 next fall.

[Anonymous]

Would the academic teacher allow him to record the lecture?

[Anonymous]

In the end, it’s for your kid to solve and deal with the consequences. If my kid asked my advice, I would say he made a commitment to band, and he should talk to the other teacher in advance to see how to handle the missed work.

Then he should consider if band is a good fit for him (fine if it’s not!) before he signs up for classes next year.

Encourage him to communicate (I have a freshman and can’t imagine emailing a teacher). This is a good life lesson for him about communication, commitments, figuring out the right balance and what he wants to prioritize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to do band and not expect to miss classes sometimes, between during the school day performances and band trips. So if your kid feels he absolutely cannot miss other classes, band may not be for him.

In our experience, DS worked with his other teachers beforehand to come up with a plan for when he would miss a class. Same for his sport which occasionally takes him out of school.

He is a senior now heading to T20 next fall.

+1 This is really a one-time situation (or maybe one or two times a year). It's the perfect storm. Hard class, block scheduling, in-school holiday concert. One or both teachers should be in touch and in touch with each other.

We have one language teacher who is furious at band pullouts and marks the student absent. That's for the band teacher to sort. The student is fine and keeping up with the language.

Your DS made a mature decision and next time, for a different class, he will probably be fine with a pull-out.
Also, band can excuse these rather than a zero. They need to be told in advance. Our band teacher will excuse evening concerts which count as your whole grade because life, you know? Sometimes a student has real life, serious conflicts. You just have to tell him in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to do band and not expect to miss classes sometimes, between during the school day performances and band trips. So if your kid feels he absolutely cannot miss other classes, band may not be for him.

In our experience, DS worked with his other teachers beforehand to come up with a plan for when he would miss a class. Same for his sport which occasionally takes him out of school.

He is a senior now heading to T20 next fall.

+1 This is really a one-time situation (or maybe one or two times a year). It's the perfect storm. Hard class, block scheduling, in-school holiday concert. One or both teachers should be in touch and in touch with each other.

We have one language teacher who is furious at band pullouts and marks the student absent. That's for the band teacher to sort. The student is fine and keeping up with the language.

Your DS made a mature decision and next time, for a different class, he will probably be fine with a pull-out.
Also, band can excuse these rather than a zero. They need to be told in advance. Our band teacher will excuse evening concerts which count as your whole grade because life, you know? Sometimes a student has real life, serious conflicts. You just have to tell him in advance.

It's not a mature decision if he hasn't spoken to his teachers. It's a stupid kid decision that may cause him to fail band.

[Anonymous]

For me commitment to a group is very important and it would be poor character to not show up for your band/team. Your child can prepare by having a friend take good notes, and of course should tell the teacher beforehand (at our school you need teachers to sign a permission slip even for in-school events). It's also good to show some flexibility and ability to adapt: what if he were sick? Would his grades crumble from missing one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our school it’s common to miss class for various school-sponsored things, from a few hours to many days for school related trips. Teachers are expected to be accommodating. I can’t think of any occasion where a student refused to participate in the event they elected to join.

Sounds like performing arts are not for him.

He right

You are an idiot

[Anonymous]

Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’ll encourage my son to give the band teacher a heads up and explain the situation and his choice. For context my son does band because it is required for AYPO not because he wants to. He is super serious about his instrument (practices 2 hours a day etc).

Also my son would happily miss any other class. This one is just unique. It’s an AP class and students regularly Cs and Ds in the class and 5s on the exam - the teacher has very high standards and it’s hard to recover from missing class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

It's 100% inappropriate to escalate to guidance counselors and administration if the students hasn't spoken with his teachers. Give them a chance before going nuclear. Maybe he could attend the hard class a different period. Maybe so many students will be missing the hard class that the teacher is going to make it a study hall. Maybe the hard class teacher will record the lecture. Maybe the band teacher will understand and give the kid an alternative assignment to make up missing the concert. None of this is known because he kid is being a wuss and planning to skip without speaking to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll encourage my son to give the band teacher a heads up and explain the situation and his choice. For context my son does band because it is required for AYPO not because he wants to. He is super serious about his instrument (practices 2 hours a day etc).

Also my son would happily miss any other class. This one is just unique. It’s an AP class and students regularly Cs and Ds in the class and 5s on the exam - the teacher has very high standards and it’s hard to recover from missing class.

He needs to talk to the hard class teacher too and see if they have other options. Could he attend a different period? Would the teacher record the lesson?

I understand the school orchestra isn't important to your son, but it sounds like he's one of the strongest players and it would be letting down the group for him to skip the concert.