Dating with driving kids

[Anonymous]

My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and

I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

[Anonymous]

Anyway, back to OP, what is she hoping her kids don't hear, see, or know? And if she doesn't want them to have to call before coming over, what's the plan? I really don't know how a person can have this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

It was daytime though. School lunch period (and no driving involved, lol). I had no reason to believe it wouldn't be okay to come home.

Who the mom is dating is relevant because she seems to want to conceal it. If she's dating someone that the kids would be upset about, I definitely think that's relevant to how to handle it.

A normal person would have knocked on the door instead of still processing it god knows how many years later. And you were supposed to be at school, not home.

And if you mother told you who she was dating, that would have made it all ok? Or would you have still stormed off to dad's?

I was allowed to walk home for lunch and often did.

No, it would not have made it okay if she just told me, because she was dating a married man. It would have put me in a very difficult position re: his daughter, who was my friend, and potentially caused her parents to divorce. I chose not to reveal that I knew, at that time, because the stakes were too high and I needed more than 30 seconds to think about it. Is that okay with you?

If she just told me and there wasn't any other problem with it, I would still very deeply resent being locked out, unless I had a key to use. And I would very deeply resent being verbally prohibited from entering my supposed home at any time of day or night. I moved out to avoid her affair, but also to show her that I no longer considered her house my home. You can't have it both ways.

OK princess. You learned that day that the world does not revolve around you. BIG DEAL.

NO ONE CARES THAT YOU GOT LOCKED OUT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyway, back to OP, what is she hoping her kids don't hear, see, or know? And if she doesn't want them to have to call before coming over, what's the plan? I really don't know how a person can have this.

I was one of the first posters who asked why in the world she is hiding, because that seems ludicrous to me. The "kids" are likely having sex themselves or will pretty soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

It was daytime though. School lunch period (and no driving involved, lol). I had no reason to believe it wouldn't be okay to come home.

Who the mom is dating is relevant because she seems to want to conceal it. If she's dating someone that the kids would be upset about, I definitely think that's relevant to how to handle it.

A normal person would have knocked on the door instead of still processing it god knows how many years later. And you were supposed to be at school, not home.

And if you mother told you who she was dating, that would have made it all ok? Or would you have still stormed off to dad's?

I was allowed to walk home for lunch and often did.

No, it would not have made it okay if she just told me, because she was dating a married man. It would have put me in a very difficult position re: his daughter, who was my friend, and potentially caused her parents to divorce. I chose not to reveal that I knew, at that time, because the stakes were too high and I needed more than 30 seconds to think about it. Is that okay with you?

If she just told me and there wasn't any other problem with it, I would still very deeply resent being locked out, unless I had a key to use. And I would very deeply resent being verbally prohibited from entering my supposed home at any time of day or night. I moved out to avoid her affair, but also to show her that I no longer considered her house my home. You can't have it both ways.

OK princess. You learned that day that the world does not revolve around you. BIG DEAL.

NO ONE CARES THAT YOU GOT LOCKED OUT.

OP seems to think her kids would care if they were locked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway, back to OP, what is she hoping her kids don't hear, see, or know? And if she doesn't want them to have to call before coming over, what's the plan? I really don't know how a person can have this.

I was one of the first posters who asked why in the world she is hiding, because that seems ludicrous to me. The "kids" are likely having sex themselves or will pretty soon.

OP again—you are correct. I don’t want my kids to feel that they have to ask or call before they walk into their home.

[Anonymous]

What do you plan OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Take it to a therapist instead of projecting it onto a thread that's not. about. you.

This is exactly what it's about, because my mom was doing exactly what OP plans to do, and what happened was exactly what OP says she is concerned about.

Your reaction to hearing your mom's BF through the closed door is not normal and you should have gotten therapy years ago instead of projecting it here.

Not closed. Locked.

As it happens I did have therapy, but there's no therapy that makes kids feel okay about being locked out of what's supposed to be their home. Surprised? My mom sure was.

Quit blaming your mother and holding a decades-old grudge. Drop the rock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway, back to OP, what is she hoping her kids don't hear, see, or know? And if she doesn't want them to have to call before coming over, what's the plan? I really don't know how a person can have this.

I was one of the first posters who asked why in the world she is hiding, because that seems ludicrous to me. The "kids" are likely having sex themselves or will pretty soon.

OP again—you are correct. I don’t want my kids to feel that they have to ask or call before they walk into their home.

So, then you’re going to tell them you have company? I don’t see another solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

What ridiculous sob story is this? Didn't you have a key? Why didn't you knock? You'll be a victim (by choice) all your life.

Correct. Typical DCUM victimese post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

So what do you want from us then? Go to a hotel or his house. You’ll have to explain that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Well, there's subterfuge and there's boinking elsewhere. I really don't think there are other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Well, there's subterfuge and there's boinking elsewhere. I really don't think there are other options.

Exactly. But if she is not at home at 11 on a school night they’ll figure it out pretty fast. That’s why lying to your teens isn’t protecting them.