Dating with driving kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

True, and that's why I said I would never hide my relationship. Especially from 16, 17 or even possibly 18 year olds.

I don't care what intact families (or even other divorced families) require of their children. I don't live my life worried about what other people do or think.

So you just have the sleepover with your kids there?

What's wrong with this? Particularly since both kids are boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

All of them. No one cares your mom dared to lock the door for the first time in your life. None of them are relevant and I hope OP doesn't respond to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

There is NOTHING wrong with a divorced parent having sex in her own home during non-custodial time. You are insane.

That's not what she said. She is taking issue with the idea that you'd block your children from their own home so that you could do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

There is NOTHING wrong with a divorced parent having sex in her own home during non-custodial time. You are insane.

DCUM would live in a fake, separate-bedroom, seething-with-contempt marriage for 10+ years and pretend it's "healthy" for the children, because everyone is under one roof. Don't take these people seriously.

It’s not healthy for kids to come home to one of their parents screwing somebody who they haven’t even met either.

[Anonymous]

There's only one poster who said she'd lock her kids out of her home. Others saying that's crazy and hurtful to the children. Do what you want with that info OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your home is your child's home, at any and all times, just like if you were married or widowed. If you are not comfortable with them walking in on you having sex, don't have sex in their home. Most people would only be comfortable with their spouse, the child's other parent.

There is NOTHING wrong with a divorced parent having sex in her own home during non-custodial time. You are insane.

That's not what she said. She is taking issue with the idea that you'd block your children from their own home so that you could do that.

She said "don't have sex in their home." Please learn how to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

It was daytime though. School lunch period (and no driving involved, lol). I had no reason to believe it wouldn't be okay to come home.

Who the mom is dating is relevant because she seems to want to conceal it. If she's dating someone that the kids would be upset about, I definitely think that's relevant to how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

It was daytime though. School lunch period (and no driving involved, lol). I had no reason to believe it wouldn't be okay to come home.

Who the mom is dating is relevant because she seems to want to conceal it. If she's dating someone that the kids would be upset about, I definitely think that's relevant to how to handle it.

A normal person would have knocked on the door instead of still processing it god knows how many years later. And you were supposed to be at school, not home.

And if you mother told you who she was dating, that would have made it all ok? Or would you have still stormed off to dad's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

She's not. Why are you so hostile? She's giving her perspective as someone who got locked out as a child. It's completely relevant.

Of course she is. Being locked out one time is neither terrible nor traumatic. The fact that she didn't like who her mom was dating seemly was and that is not relevant to this conversation. Divorced adults are allowed to date and bring people to their home. ESPECIALLY if children are not even at home. It is not unreasonable to not expect them to barge in at all hours of the night.

It was daytime though. School lunch period (and no driving involved, lol). I had no reason to believe it wouldn't be okay to come home.

Who the mom is dating is relevant because she seems to want to conceal it. If she's dating someone that the kids would be upset about, I definitely think that's relevant to how to handle it.

A normal person would have knocked on the door instead of still processing it god knows how many years later. And you were supposed to be at school, not home.

And if you mother told you who she was dating, that would have made it all ok? Or would you have still stormed off to dad's?

I was allowed to walk home for lunch and often did.

No, it would not have made it okay if she just told me, because she was dating a married man. It would have put me in a very difficult position re: his daughter, who was my friend, and potentially caused her parents to divorce. I chose not to reveal that I knew, at that time, because the stakes were too high and I needed more than 30 seconds to think about it. Is that okay with you?

If she just told me and there wasn't any other problem with it, I would still very deeply resent being locked out, unless I had a key to use. And I would very deeply resent being verbally prohibited from entering my supposed home at any time of day or night. I moved out to avoid her affair, but also to show her that I no longer considered her house my home. You can't have it both ways.