Dating with driving kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

Get help. Your damage isn't the subject of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

But does she just want advance notice, or is she going to tell them they can't enter the home? Because those are totally different outcomes with different consequences for the parent-child relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Well, there's subterfuge and there's boinking elsewhere. I really don't think there are other options.

Exactly. But if she is not at home at 11 on a school night they’ll figure it out pretty fast. That’s why lying to your teens isn’t protecting them.

Well, I think she's ok with them knowing she has plans with friends. Just not introducing or having him sleep over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

Agreed!!! It’s their guilt talking. They feel like they have to spend their lives making up for getting divorced but in reality they are just screwing up their kids by parenting from a place of guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Well, there's subterfuge and there's boinking elsewhere. I really don't think there are other options.

Exactly. But if she is not at home at 11 on a school night they’ll figure it out pretty fast. That’s why lying to your teens isn’t protecting them.

Well, I think she's ok with them knowing she has plans with friends. Just not introducing or having him sleep over.

But that would be a lie. So I guess lying is ok. Some of you really don’t give enough credit to your almost adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Well, there's subterfuge and there's boinking elsewhere. I really don't think there are other options.

Exactly. But if she is not at home at 11 on a school night they’ll figure it out pretty fast. That’s why lying to your teens isn’t protecting them.

Well, I think she's ok with them knowing she has plans with friends. Just not introducing or having him sleep over.

But that would be a lie. So I guess lying is ok. Some of you really don’t give enough credit to your almost adult children.

She can tell them she's on a date. She just isn't ready for them to meet in person.

[Anonymous]

This is why the ultra-wealthy use Swiss boarding schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

Agreed!!! It’s their guilt talking. They feel like they have to spend their lives making up for getting divorced but in reality they are just screwing up their kids by parenting from a place of guilt.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

You sick selfish fool. Do you text when you change plans and come home? Do you text when you forget your keys or something else and have to turn around and come home?

The child lives there. It is their freaking house. I always say it's not divorce that destroys kids; it's sick selfish parents like you who would make your child feel like a visitor in their own home so you can eff strangers. Sex is not that important. And if it is to you, you should never have had kids.

You idiots will claim how children of divorce are doing " just fine" while you render them strangers in both homes by asking them to give you a heads-up to come to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

You said "I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home" but it does seem like that's exactly what you want.

Are you going to say yes, or are you going to sometimes say no? My mom lived walking distance from our school and one time I came by to grab something during lunch. The door was locked, which normally it never was, and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking. I turned around and left without knocking, and I'll never, ever forget how sad I was that day.

Or you could have knocked on the door like a sane person and waited for your mother to come to the door. Was she supposed to live like a nun?

I didn't do that because I didn't want her to know that I knew that she was dating and who she was dating. Because he was a married man and the father of my good friend. I chose not to force a confrontation with zero time to process it.

I don't expect her to live like a nun, but I did not appreciate being locked out of what she claimed was my own home. After this I moved in with my dad full-time.

Oh brother...the slow trickle of more damaging information......classic DCUM

Again, nothing about your situation/reaction is normal nor does it apply to OP. Please seek additional help for your issues.

The point is that OP may never know what her kids know about her dating life. Obstructing their access to their supposed "home" will make them want to know what she's hiding. And it can be hurtful in ways OP may not fully understand or acknowledge. It may cause them to spend less time with OP.

No, that was you. For the third time, your reaction was not normal.

I already said multiple times that I would not be hiding from my teens if I were dating.

I think it is normal for kids to spin out when they catch their parent cheating.

Her parent wasn't cheating. And if that's what she short-circuited over, it's not at all relevant to OP.

Ok, if you want to be technical my mom was an AP to the father of my friend. But still, I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And regardless, I very deeply resented being locked out, ever at all.

If you don't know who OP is dating, you don't know if it's relevant. Divorced people bang their friends all the time, and often times those friends have kids. Maybe that's why OP doesn't want her kids to come "home".

STOP.TRAUMA.DUMPING.ON.US.

With which of my statements do you disagree?

OP, what do you specifically not want your kids to know or see, and why?

This is OP. I have not introduced him to my kids yet. I’m not ready to do so. I don’t want my kids to walk in on the 2 of us in the house before I introduced him. And once I do, I don’t want them to walk into the house and hear odd noises from moms room—be it voices or a creaking bed.

Get a hotel room or a motel room until you are ready to introduce them. Once you introduce them, then it's fine. Kids know adult have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

You sick selfish fool. Do you text when you change plans and come home? Do you text when you forget your keys or something else and have to turn around and come home?

The child lives there. It is their freaking house. I always say it's not divorce that destroys kids; it's sick selfish parents like you who would make your child feel like a visitor in their own home so you can eff strangers. Sex is not that important. And if it is to you, you should never have had kids.

You idiots will claim how children of divorce are doing " just fine" while you render them strangers in both homes by asking them to give you a heads-up to come to them.

DP and my family members definitely text if they are coming back for anything, running late, etc. I’m sorry you grew up in a trailer park with an open door policy (and apparently didn’t learn basic manners). There is nothing wrong with having basic respect for people you live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle this? My home is obviously the kids home. They drive so they can come and go as needed. If they go to their dads and forget something, they come back and pick it up. Or they might stop by on their way to school. I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home but I also don't want them walking in on my adult sleepover.

Your instincts are correct. If your kids never had to notify you they were coming home when you were married to their parent, they shouldn't have to now just because they have two homes now that you are divorced. Your home is their home. Your ex's home is their home too.

You work around it until you can introduce him to them as the guy you are dating. If teenagers can find ways to have sex without anyone finding out, you can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

You sick selfish fool. Do you text when you change plans and come home? Do you text when you forget your keys or something else and have to turn around and come home?

The child lives there. It is their freaking house. I always say it's not divorce that destroys kids; it's sick selfish parents like you who would make your child feel like a visitor in their own home so you can eff strangers. Sex is not that important. And if it is to you, you should never have had kids.

You idiots will claim how children of divorce are doing " just fine" while you render them strangers in both homes by asking them to give you a heads-up to come to them.

DP and my family members definitely text if they are coming back for anything, running late, etc. I’m sorry you grew up in a trailer park with an open door policy (and apparently didn’t learn basic manners). There is nothing wrong with having basic respect for people you live with.

Shameless liar. No one believes you.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do that at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.

I hate when posters like you can't make a solid argument without making stuff up. No one is banning anyone. It's common courtesy to send a text saying, "I forgot something. I'm on my way to get it." I get to decide who I spend time with in my house. I make decisions about that just like I make decisions about what improvements to make, what furniture to buy, what security system to install. One day, they can make those decisions in their own homes. Just because I have rules and boundaries in my home, it doesn't mean I'm neglecting them or making them feel unwanted (what the actual hell?). But I would also never hide my BF in my house either so there is that.

It's something that intact families don't require of their children. And it's something that people who aren't hiding their boyfriend wouldn't care about. If you like your boyfriend just introduce them. It's fine.

Broken families operate differently than intact families. They literally can't do otherwise.

It's more like, how many losses and burdens do you want to pile on your kids? They've lost their intact family. They're having to do joint custody. Now they're having to get permission before coming to their "home" on off days... At some point it's too much, right?

No. It's really not "too much" to ask a kid to text if they plan on changing their schedule and being in one home when they're supposed to be with the non-custodial parent. That's literally minimal effort basic courtesy. If you're going to change plans, you communicate. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to communicate like an almost-adult.

No wonder some of your kids are so fscking stunted. The excuses y'all make!!!

You sick selfish fool. Do you text when you change plans and come home? Do you text when you forget your keys or something else and have to turn around and come home?

The child lives there. It is their freaking house. I always say it's not divorce that destroys kids; it's sick selfish parents like you who would make your child feel like a visitor in their own home so you can eff strangers. Sex is not that important. And if it is to you, you should never have had kids.

You idiots will claim how children of divorce are doing " just fine" while you render them strangers in both homes by asking them to give you a heads-up to come to them.

DP and my family members definitely text if they are coming back for anything, running late, etc. I’m sorry you grew up in a trailer park with an open door policy (and apparently didn’t learn basic manners). There is nothing wrong with having basic respect for people you live with.

Go ahead and teach your poor kids to text while driving for the sake of basic respect, you pretentious idiot.