Dating with driving kids

[Anonymous]

Having a BF is one thing. “Dating” and having various guys over to screw and spend the night is another. I don’t blame OP for seeking guidance on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strange response. A kid can't come back to his own home at night?

My ex and I have joint custody. He has a big house and the boys have bedrooms etc. so my house isn’t any more their primary residence than his. When they are scheduled to be with their dad, they cannot walk into my house at midnight because they forgot something or would rather sleep here. I don’t find that strange at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a BF is one thing. “Dating” and having various guys over to screw and spend the night is another. I don’t blame OP for seeking guidance on this.

And where did she say she was bringing various men around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange response. A kid can't come back to his own home at night?

My ex and I have joint custody. He has a big house and the boys have bedrooms etc. so my house isn’t any more their primary residence than his. When they are scheduled to be with their dad, they cannot walk into my house at midnight because they forgot something or would rather sleep here. I don’t find that strange at all

Not PP you're responding to, but I completely agree with you. I have full custody of my almost 17 year old but I would have the same rule as you if he were ever at his dad's.

[Anonymous]

I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

[Anonymous]

OP you have a choice. Make a rule that they need to text you or you introduce them to your BF. You can always just get a hotel if you don't like these choices. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Well, my mom dealt with this by having nooners, but one day school closed unexpectedly so I came home....

You can't really have it both ways. If it's their home, they can come over. What are you going to do, lock them out? Forbid them, so it's only their home during official custody time and they have to wait elsewhere until the clock ticks down? That's not what "home" means. Really think before you make this an issue. They've lost enough, and it's only a few years until they launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my mom dealt with this by having nooners, but one day school closed unexpectedly so I came home....

You can't really have it both ways. If it's their home, they can come over. What are you going to do, lock them out? Forbid them, so it's only their home during official custody time and they have to wait elsewhere until the clock ticks down? That's not what "home" means. Really think before you make this an issue. They've lost enough, and it's only a few years until they launch.

I agree with the second paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle this? My home is obviously the kids home. They drive so they can come and go as needed. If they go to their dads and forget something, they come back and pick it up. Or they might stop by on their way to school. I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home but I also don't want them walking in on my adult sleepover.

Sorry but you can't have this both ways. If your home is a place they are only allowed to be with explicit advance permission, it's not their home. Maybe they don't really have a home anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strange response. A kid can't come back to his own home at night?

If it's his night to be at the other parent's house, then be at that parent's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle this? My home is obviously the kids home. They drive so they can come and go as needed. If they go to their dads and forget something, they come back and pick it up. Or they might stop by on their way to school. I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home but I also don't want them walking in on my adult sleepover.

Why are you hiding? Are you doing forbidden things? Are you bringing multiple different men at home?
If your kids are driving, they are old enough to know.

That part. If your kid is mature enough to drive unsupervised, they're mature enough to handle a conversation about their parent dating. You could try to avoid this dynamic by telling your kids to text first, but nothing's foolproof.

God forbid your nearly-adult kids ever encounter anything "icky" or awkward. What ever shall they doooo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle this? My home is obviously the kids home. They drive so they can come and go as needed. If they go to their dads and forget something, they come back and pick it up. Or they might stop by on their way to school. I don't want the kids to feel like they have to call or ask if they can come home but I also don't want them walking in on my adult sleepover.

Why are you hiding? Are you doing forbidden things? Are you bringing multiple different men at home?
If your kids are driving, they are old enough to know.

That part. If your kid is mature enough to drive unsupervised, they're mature enough to handle a conversation about their parent dating. You could try to avoid this dynamic by telling your kids to text first, but nothing's foolproof.

God forbid your nearly-adult kids ever encounter anything "icky" or awkward. What ever shall they doooo?

Exactly!!! To hide at this stage is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My kids will not be driving in high school. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have that kind of rule. My main priority is that my child feels welcome in THEIR home whenever they want regardless of the custody agreement.

It's disturbing how you call it "my house."

Oh please. Of course it is my house. I pay for it and maintain it. Kids don't get to run roughshod, whether you're sharing custody or not.

So where is their home? I don't think picking up something they needed is "running roughshod". Most parents do not ban their children from the home when the children are scheduled to be elsewhere. If they had a sleepover that fell through or an away game that was cancelled, would you bar the door? Tell them it's Boyfriend Time and My Home Not Yours? This is no different.

You are making your children feel unwanted and inconvenient in what should be your last precious years together. They will not forget.