School has labeled my child as a “problem child”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

Not if your childe elopes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

It’s not obscure to parents with kids with actual SN. My kid has only eloped one time but it was terrifying. I have friends with kids that eloped more regularly and observed that it is a behavior that really trigger a big school response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

It’s not obscure to parents with kids with actual SN. My kid has only eloped one time but it was terrifying. I have friends with kids that eloped more regularly and observed that it is a behavior that really trigger a big school response.

It's fairly obvious what it means if you use reasoning skills, even if you've never heard the term in this context.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read past page 1. Id ask your school and principal why they think your child is acting this way. What are your child’s triggers? Do they think your child needs to develop specific skills? If so, what, and how to develop those skills. Punishment seems like the worst idea based on your OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fault any school that resorts to in-school suspension for a kindergartener. Shame on them.

I'm sorry, OP!! I agree. This kid is 5 or 6..Two suspensions seems over the top to me, too.

If the child is leaving the classroom and having tantrums, then the classroom is not the right space for her. She needs a different placement.

Remember, Teachers are not allowed to physically restrain a child or prevent a child from leaving the classroom. The Teacher can send an aide with the child or call the front office to let them know that the child left the office. The school then needs to find a place for the child and that might not be in the classroom which clearly overwhelmed the child enough that they left it.

That is why there needs to be a formal evaluation. The parents have a way to ask for that, they need to email the school and request an evaluation, that puts the school on the clock. The parents are aware that there are issues because they are already working with a therapist. They could have requested an evaluation before school started so that there was an IEP in place before kindergarten started, but they didn't.

Mom has said that she is being treated for a mental health condition and is aware that these things can be passed on. The child was in therapy for behaviors before K started. I have no clue why the parents did not start the IEP process early on or that they have not started them now. I don't think that the school can start the process without gathering enough data to do so, they have to have the parents consent or the data to back up evaluation without the parents consent. It sounds to me like that is what the school is doing. They are telling parents there are issues. They are documenting the issues. They are looking for an environment to de-escalate the problems when they happen, removing the child from the classroom.

The parents' response is to be upset that the child has been pulled from the class after eloping and meltdowns but has not called for a conference to discuss the issue or request an evaluation. That is on the parents.

It is literally not on the parents to initiate the IEP process. It is supposed to be the school that does it proactively. Also, I have never understood why schools don’t put into place basic behavioral modification techniques as soon as a child’s behavior becomes disruptive. They are pretty simple but schools like to just ignore the solutions and seem to think that making alarmed calls to parents is going to solve the in-school issue.

This is false. Schools hate and will do everything to avoid them . They are not your friend when it comes to getting and IEP and will usually fight them. It us the parents who need to get the psych evaluation testing done - which is what I think the school is trying to tell the parents here - that their kid needs help - but the mother isn’t getting the message and wants to complain about the school. I, too, see hints of Selective Mutusm, which must be caught early for treatment. The burden is on the parents to get testing done. Their pediatrician can make recommendations. Often the school has a list too. You the. Have the testing done, learn about the issues the child may have and what the tester recommends - the. You go back to the school and say “Larla needs a 504 or an IEP, here’s why”. Then the school sets up a meeting at which it will deny or give the lesser of the options (the 504). That’s why at that meeting you bring in your big guns. For our DD, we brought in her therapist, the tester, the pediatrician eval, and her tutor. Langley didn’t want to give an IEP - the school board overruled and we got it.

A few publics will offer their own testing but it is never as thorough as the multi-day neuropsych and often administered by new college grads who don’t know what they are doing or what they are seeing in the child’s because they are too inexperienced . You should always go to an outside professional tester if you can afford it.

That's a pretty harsh--and inaccurate--assessment of how educators view their roles. Teachers don't want kids with massive special needs who aren't receiving appropriate supports. Are they going to gift this kid a 1:1 aide? Probably not, because that's cost prohibitive, even with the kid eloping, which is dangerous. But at the very least, if the OP hasn't bothered to get her kid a diagnosis, they would start there and with a set of supports to address that diagnosis.

But since OP never bothered to explain what efforts she had made to get her child evaluated and the support they need, we'll never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight: your kindergartner hasn’t done anything violent or threatening, but has gotten two in-school suspensions already this year for…being sullen? If that is true, that is bananas.

She’s defiant and running away.

Maybe school stinks! Kid may have good judgment.

Then you can homeschool. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.

Not the Lawyer poster here but if the school has noted the issue of elopement and shutting down in class and has suspended the student but has not called for a meeting to discuss the need for testing then the school is not handling the situation well.

A child who is eloping should lead to the school initiating meetings with the parents to get permission to test for issues. If the school has reached out to the parents and the parents have not agreed to a meeting, that is a different scenario. OPs post doesn't say how the school has discussed this with the parents or if they have requested, in writing, a meeting to discuss testing and evaluation for their kid. The OPs post does not mention conversations with their pediatrician about their kids' issues. I assume that there has been some type of evaluation because of the play therapy but that has not been stated.

I wouldn't jump straight to needing an advocate but I would not count on the school to be doing the right thing either. The OP needs to start the process with the school. If the school has been reaching out and the parents have not agreed to a meeting or an evaluation, then I can see that the school is gathering data to force the issue.

PP to which you were responding. I see this completely in a different light. OP’s child is a problem child. She displays dangerous behaviors (eloping, throwing fits and being defiant) and is demonstrating that she can’t perform in that environment (shutting down).

She has not been suspended. Instead she is on ISS, which can be their way of removing her from a situation causing her great distress and providing her with time to decompress before returning g to what is likely a chaotic classroom.

The school is trying to involve parents by regular contact but they seem to be burying their heads in the sand until now.

By both of these actions, the school is creating the documentation for potential interventions - kind of like an FBA.

I do agree that OP needs to look into evaluations and also, if this is public school, looking into special education services through either a 504 or an IEP. Personally even with the little information we know, I’d guess an IEP is the more appropriate because of the elopement and possibly the throwing fits. And at that age, the shutting down and need for decompression time might also need an IEP.

Nope. You are incredibly naive if you believe the school is doing anything proactive or helpful here. There is very little OP can do from home to solve school problems - so the school simply calling her to tell her does zero to actually help.

You are just wrong. As a parent who had a seriously mentally ill child at school that frequently eloped by both leaving class and leaving the building and who got frequent calls due to this and so many other problems, I do understand the level of stress that these calls invoke. But, as a parent you need to know. And, it's a no win for the school. If the school waits, the parent complains they weren't notified early enough. If the school calls too much they stress the parent. If the school calls too little, they don't convey the seriousness of the problem. There is always a reason to find fault with the school, when in truth there is no perfect pipeline to convey all of the information everyone needs to know.

That being said, notifying a parent lets them know they may need to take their child for a medical evaluation. Or they may need to let their child's therapist (here a play therapist) know there are serious problems at school so the therapist can do their part. Or they may need a different educational program for their child. Or they may need to partner with their school in a different way than is happening now. Parents are not spectators in the process. But to know where they fit in, they need information, which happens when the school calls to share problems.

I don’t think you understand OP’s situation. The school isn’t doing anything but punishing the child and calling OP to complain/report. There is very little OP can do from home to help the school with elopement. She already has the child in therapy so it’s far from the situation where a parent is in denial. The school is failing here because they are not starting the evaluation process or even doing basic behavioral management.

No. This situation is way beyond “play therapy.” OP is not doing nearly enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I teach kindergarten and elopement isn’t a typical behavior. I might have a student every few years so this and almost all of them have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc. it sometimes might be a trauma response (I’m in a Title 1 school). Our recent elopements are kids with undiagnosed ASD or children raised with zero limits in their home. They do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Right. So when a child elopes more than once, you would expect that the school pushes for more support for you and services for the kid. Right?

Different teacher here. It all moves a lot faster and easier if the parents aren’t in denial or “shocked” we think something is amiss.

Precisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

Mmkay. Well, it’s used all the time on DCUM and most of us are parents and not in “the medical world,” but maybe we’re all atypical supergeniuses or something. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

Mmkay. Well, it’s used all the time on DCUM and most of us are parents and not in “the medical world,” but maybe we’re all atypical supergeniuses or something. 🤷‍♀️

Go to bed

[Anonymous]

I think they're trying to help you document so she can get more help. I do think being sullen is a problem too (of course elopement is worse) because she's shutting down and not being able to learn.

How old is she? I would hold her back a year.

[Anonymous]

OP is long gone. My guess, they were not happy that people thought they needed to be doing more and that their child needs additional support. But that is only a guess since OP has not posted since the first post.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would someone with a severe mental health problem bring a biological child into this world? How cruel.

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie, this is a sign that you need to have your child evaluated for autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities.

[Anonymous]

They are not annoyed with your child. They are annoyed with you for being so clueless that you're not getting the hint that you need to get your child evaluated.