School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
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Anonymous
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My kindergartener is highly sensitive and will emotionally shut down and stop talking if her feelings are hurt or she thinks she’s in trouble. If she is pushed too much once she gets to this point, she is both silent and defiant. We have tried working on this with her at home and she’s in play therapy.
Since the second month of school, I’ve been getting frequent emails and calls about her behavior. Sometimes it’s just that she’s being quiet and doesn’t want to talk, sometimes it’s that she’s walking through the halls without an adult. She, as a kindergartner, has been put in In School Suspension twice this semester because she gets upset. I’m not saying that her behavior is perfect, and her dad and I have had many conversations with her about the behavior and how she needs to use her words, participate, not throw a fit if someone hurts her feelings, etc., but at this point, I’m at a loss. I have (medicated and managed) bipolar disorder, so I’m sure she comes by this naturally, and I can fully sympathize with her, but I still remain firm that there are certain expectations for school Honestly, I’m super frustrated with the school. As I said, they’ve labeled her as a problem child and are quick to use punitive actions for minor offenses (like her not wanting to talk). I’ve had many phone calls and e-mail conversations with both the teacher and the principal, and they both seem beyond annoyed with her. I’m getting to the point where I’m wanting to switch schools and hope for a better outcome, because I don’t necessarily see this getting any better. Does anyone have any input or experience with this sort of situation? |
Anonymous
| It sounds like her behavior is not consistent with her peer group and they are keeping you in the loop and documenting the problems. This will be helpful with getting a diagnosis and necessary supports. |
Anonymous
| Let me get this straight: your kindergartner hasn’t done anything violent or threatening, but has gotten two in-school suspensions already this year for…being sullen? If that is true, that is bananas. |
Anonymous
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I’d be pissed if I was getting calls because my kid didn’t want to participate. I’m sure there are a dozen kids with their hands up and you’re picking on mine knowing they don’t want to participate? No. That’s ridiculous.
Can you talk to the teacher. Say she’s in play therapy and working on it? I’m not sure if this would qualify her for a 504 plan? Wandering the halls is a problem. If she was disrupting the class instead of participating, that’d be a problem. But if she’s sitting respectfully, even spitefully, then I don’t see it as a problem needed to be addressed. I’m sure others will have better ideas than I have though. |
Anonymous
OP mentions elopement issues. Not just sitting quietly/sullenly. |
Anonymous
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What I'm reading is that this child has documented behavior that seems to stem from mental health issues; and she needs a psychological evaluation and possible services and accommodations in school or outside of school (you already have play therapy, great!).
Is your school a private school? They're not obligated to do any of that, and might be documenting to get rid of your kid because they can only handle neurotypical kids. If you're in public, or can move to public, they are obligated to evaluate your child at your request (it will be a very basic eval, not the lengthy one you could pay for in private practice), and then once there is a diagnosis, provide for reasonable accommodations so she get access the curriculum adequately. Typically kids are given a 504, if their needs are relatively light, or an IEP, if their needs are more all-encompassing. Mental health disorders cluster in families, OP. If you have bipolar disorder, your blood relatives are more likely than average to also carry genes that increase the probability of expressing any one of the following conditions: anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, etc. Please have your child evaluated by a professional. She deserves the best care, and early intervention is critical. - parent of a kid who had an IEP at school and whose family has bipolar disorder, autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, and documented suicide attempts. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m confused. What exactly was she suspended for?? A kindergartener?! |
Anonymous
| I fault any school that resorts to in-school suspension for a kindergartener. Shame on them. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like your child IS a problem. The school has a while community of kids of educate and your child is creating a problem as they try to do that. |
Anonymous
Agree. Instead of getting upset with the school consider that they are trying to help your child. |
Anonymous
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Where is this school located? It doesn't sound like a school around here because school around here aren't giving kindergarten students in school suspension.
How old is she? Did she recently turn 5 or is she 6 or close to 6? If she turned 5 this summer I would pull her out of K and send her back to preschool so she doesn't learn to dislike school. Some kids just aren't ready for an academic kindergarten right at 5. Is she really verbal at home? Does she have any speech/language delays. The first thing I would do is to get an eye exam at an optometrist's office to make sure she can hear well and a new hearing screening at the pediatrician's office and make sure she doesn't have any fluid in her ears. |
Anonymous
+2. What kind of crazy school is OP’s kid enrolled in? It must be a private school because public schools go out of their way not to suspend kids, especially little nonviolent ones. As someone mentioned upthread, your child could have accommodations for whatever diagnosis she has with a 504 or IEP. |
Anonymous
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OP you mention that your daughter is in therapy, what does the therapist say about the school reports?
I agree with others that the school seems to be taking an odd approach and seems like more what a private school would do. My concern would be that the engagement by the teacher when your child is upset is escalating the behaviors. Also the punishment for the behavior doesn’t fit either. I understand it’s disruptive to leave the class but she seems to be doing it when she’s upset/stressed versus being a belligerent brat. And yet she’s being treated as if she’s a brat. It sounds like your child puts herself into a self imposed timeout until she is able to communicate again. How did her preschool handle these behaviors? Could she return to the preschool foe the rest of the year and try Kindergarten again next year? She might need more time and therapy to work on school participation. That would also get your time and involvement to determine if your child needs an IEP. |
Anonymous
| The school is doing a CYA because they fear your child will eventually elope from school grounds. They’re putting you on notice so they can “prove” they told you many times she is a problem. |
Anonymous
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You should buy an AirTag and put it on your kid’s shoe. That way when she elopes from school, you can at least find her easily.
This is a CYA situation. If she turned 5 just before school started I would consider pulling her out of kindergarten and sending her to preschool for another year. Get your diagnosis and an IEP evaluation ready for when school starts. This sounds like selective mutism and she needs more support than school can provide. |