School has labeled my child as a “problem child”

[Anonymous]

OP, is she in a title 1 school or similar? I have noticed very strict punitive discipline in a lot of them (I work at a lot is school sites in my district). It’s much more understanding and relaxed at schools with more middle class families. I think it’s both accountability (parents will come fight for their kids) and overall fewer severe discipline issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight: your kindergartner hasn’t done anything violent or threatening, but has gotten two in-school suspensions already this year for…being sullen? If that is true, that is bananas.

OP mentions elopement issues. Not just sitting quietly/sullenly.

Additionally OP says she’s defiant and throws fits. This doesn’t sound like just a kid being quiet and sullen. Clearly the behavior is more than OP is relaying because no school has time for unnecessary in school suspensions. Minimizing in this situation isn’t helpful. Sounds like OP needs to have her child evaluated for behavioral interventions at school. Likely that would require an IEP not a 504.

[Anonymous]

Your kid needs to do what is expected of a mainstream kid. If she has SN she needs a diagnosis to get accommodations. Right now she is a problem and they’re documenting it for a paper trail.
Shutting down, not talking and being defiant is not normal for a 5yo.

[Anonymous]

The OP mentions that their daughter has been found walking the halls of the school alone, without an adult. I would guess that is the behavior that has led to suspensions. OP also says their child gets defiant when she has shut down but does not say what that defiance looks like.

OP: I would ask for this topic to be moved to the special needs forum, you will get better input from the parents there who have been there, done that.

The school is letting you know that there is a serious problem. Most kids, regardless of grades, do not just leave the classroom and wander. I think that is called eloping, even if they are staying inside the school. It might not be eloping if they are not leaving the school building but it is an issue.

I would start by emailing the school, include the Principal, Vice Principal, Counselor, and Teacher requesting your child be evaluated for an IEP. List your concerns, ie the things leading to suspension. Put it in writing, that starts a clock where the school has to get back to you and arrange for a meeting to discuss the situation and steps to address the situation, including a formal evaluation.

Keep a log of their calls, what is said and what the outcome was. Send an email to the Teacher, Counselor, Vice Principal and Principal with your understanding of the call. Every time. The school wants to avoid formal documentation, you want the documentation.

I did not see you say that you have had your child evaluated, I did see you say that she is in lay therapy. If you have not had her evaluated I would start that process. Kids leaving he classroom and wandering solo is not common in ES. Defiant behavior can be highly problematic. Your job, and the schools, is to figure out what is causing the behavior and how to address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is this school located? It doesn't sound like a school around here because school around here aren't giving kindergarten students in school suspension.

How old is she? Did she recently turn 5 or is she 6 or close to 6? If she turned 5 this summer I would pull her out of K and send her back to preschool so she doesn't learn to dislike school. Some kids just aren't ready for an academic kindergarten right at 5.

Is she really verbal at home? Does she have any speech/language delays. The first thing I would do is to get an eye exam at an optometrist's office to make sure she can hear well and a new hearing screening at the pediatrician's office and make sure she doesn't have any fluid in her ears.

My kids DCPS put her in “ISS” in K. They said wasn’t punitive, it was so she had a safe space to calm down and keep her away from a kid that was antagonizing her. Yes, I gave them shit about it because the antagonist should’ve been the one separated (he was in ISS often) and they didn’t call me during the day to notify me! In fact the only reason I learned of it was because I saw the ISS behavior guy on the playground at pickup (because he had a second job working for the after care company…) and he told me then. I will always wonder if they would’ve ever notified me before I called the next morning to complain and see what the hell was going on.

My child no longer attends that school, we go to great lengths to get her to another school we got into via the DCPS lottery. Her new school (also a DCPS) would NEVER do that to a K kiddo. They are quite a bit better resourced, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child IS a problem. The school has a while community of kids of educate and your child is creating a problem as they try to do that.

+1

Your child is already eloping from the classroom. That is a big problem.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

This explains your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is she in a title 1 school or similar? I have noticed very strict punitive discipline in a lot of them (I work at a lot is school sites in my district). It’s much more understanding and relaxed at schools with more middle class families. I think it’s both accountability (parents will come fight for their kids) and overall fewer severe discipline issues.

I work full time at a Title I school and it is not like this at ALL at my school. We have a high immigrant population and we know that a lot of our students have had traumatic experiences and that may inform their behavior. We also know that parents can’t always afford therapy like at higher income schools so while the school offers as much counseling as possible, there are many undiagnosed and unresolved issues. Very few suspensions, in or out of school.

Op, the elopement is a big issue. What kind of school is it? Can you afford to pay for 1:1 para support for your child?

I’m sure you’re stressed out. I hope you can find the right space and balance for your child so she can develop healfhy coping strategies as she gets older. GL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

This is just so great. A "plaintiffs lawyer" who is so quick to make huge and sweeping generalizations about private schools and public schools and to label OP's school as a bunch of know nothings and do nothings without even knowing if it's private or public and all on the basis of a couple of one-sided paragraphs by a poster who says she herself has mental health challenges and on an anonymous forum.

I'll be she files lots and lots of frivolous lawsuits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight: your kindergartner hasn’t done anything violent or threatening, but has gotten two in-school suspensions already this year for…being sullen? If that is true, that is bananas.

She’s defiant and running away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

This explains your attitude.

Yep. Trash ambulance chaser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.

This explains your attitude.

Yep. Trash ambulance chaser.

Exactly. One the basis of a one-sided couple of paragraphs the poster concludes, among other things and without asking a single follow up question:

"the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse."

"This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges."

I sure hope she investigates her clients' claims a little more thoroughly than that before filing lawsuits and wasting the taxpayers' money.