School has labeled my child as a “problem child”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the school cannot officially request an evaluation of the child but they are basically sending a clear message to the family. There is a problem (elopement, tantrums etc) and school is documenting it just in case something will happen in the future and to push the family to take action before the situation gets completely out of control

No. The school has a legal obligation to identify and evaluate children with suspected disabilities. The law is quite clear on this. But 9/10 they don’t.

The school cannot evaluate a child without the parents permission. The school cannot suggest an evaluation until they have enough data. The school is reaching out to the parents regularly hoping that the parents will ask for a meeting where they can then discuss the option of an evaluation.

The parents know that there is an issue, the kid is already in therapy. If there is not a diagnosis and the kid is in therapy, then the parents are being obtuse in not pursuing a diagnosis or asking the school to evaluate the kid.

My cousins kid was getting all sorts of calls about behavior in preschool. The teachers were telling her that something was wrong but couldn't say "get your kid tested, something is wrong" because they are not allowed to diagnose. The child was removed from every preschool they attended. It was in K when the school was calling and my cousin asked for a meeting to discuss things that the school recommended the kid be evaluated. He was and was diagnosed with autism. That is when it kicked in for my cousin that everything that the preschool teachers had been saying was a nudge to get him tested earlier but that they couldn't directly say that.

It is going to be a long year if the parents wait for the school to have the data they need to call for an evaluation. If the parents, email and ask for a meeting to discuss getting an evaluation then things will go faster. The school is doing what they legally have to do before forcing the issue so that they have the data to prevent a lawsuit if the parents object to testing.

Part of the problem with school today is that parents depend on the school too much when there is something going wrong. The OP knows that there is an issue and does not mention meetings with the teacher and staff to figure out what is going on. I would have called for a conference the first time there was an elopement issue or after the first couple of reports of my kid shutting down. The OP leaves a detailed list of what is happening but never mentions meeting with the school. That is on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the school cannot officially request an evaluation of the child but they are basically sending a clear message to the family. There is a problem (elopement, tantrums etc) and school is documenting it just in case something will happen in the future and to push the family to take action before the situation gets completely out of control

No. The school has a legal obligation to identify and evaluate children with suspected disabilities. The law is quite clear on this. But 9/10 they don’t.

The school cannot evaluate a child without the parents permission. The school cannot suggest an evaluation until they have enough data. The school is reaching out to the parents regularly hoping that the parents will ask for a meeting where they can then discuss the option of an evaluation.

The parents know that there is an issue, the kid is already in therapy. If there is not a diagnosis and the kid is in therapy, then the parents are being obtuse in not pursuing a diagnosis or asking the school to evaluate the kid.

My cousins kid was getting all sorts of calls about behavior in preschool. The teachers were telling her that something was wrong but couldn't say "get your kid tested, something is wrong" because they are not allowed to diagnose. The child was removed from every preschool they attended. It was in K when the school was calling and my cousin asked for a meeting to discuss things that the school recommended the kid be evaluated. He was and was diagnosed with autism. That is when it kicked in for my cousin that everything that the preschool teachers had been saying was a nudge to get him tested earlier but that they couldn't directly say that.

It is going to be a long year if the parents wait for the school to have the data they need to call for an evaluation. If the parents, email and ask for a meeting to discuss getting an evaluation then things will go faster. The school is doing what they legally have to do before forcing the issue so that they have the data to prevent a lawsuit if the parents object to testing.

Part of the problem with school today is that parents depend on the school too much when there is something going wrong. The OP knows that there is an issue and does not mention meetings with the teacher and staff to figure out what is going on. I would have called for a conference the first time there was an elopement issue or after the first couple of reports of my kid shutting down. The OP leaves a detailed list of what is happening but never mentions meeting with the school. That is on her.

Wrong wrong wrong. The school actually has a legal obligation to flag kids with suspected disabilities. This is on OP because schools never handle this correctly, but it is totally untrue that schools must sit on their hands and not do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the school cannot officially request an evaluation of the child but they are basically sending a clear message to the family. There is a problem (elopement, tantrums etc) and school is documenting it just in case something will happen in the future and to push the family to take action before the situation gets completely out of control

No. The school has a legal obligation to identify and evaluate children with suspected disabilities. The law is quite clear on this. But 9/10 they don’t.

The school cannot evaluate a child without the parents permission. The school cannot suggest an evaluation until they have enough data. The school is reaching out to the parents regularly hoping that the parents will ask for a meeting where they can then discuss the option of an evaluation.

The parents know that there is an issue, the kid is already in therapy. If there is not a diagnosis and the kid is in therapy, then the parents are being obtuse in not pursuing a diagnosis or asking the school to evaluate the kid.

My cousins kid was getting all sorts of calls about behavior in preschool. The teachers were telling her that something was wrong but couldn't say "get your kid tested, something is wrong" because they are not allowed to diagnose. The child was removed from every preschool they attended. It was in K when the school was calling and my cousin asked for a meeting to discuss things that the school recommended the kid be evaluated. He was and was diagnosed with autism. That is when it kicked in for my cousin that everything that the preschool teachers had been saying was a nudge to get him tested earlier but that they couldn't directly say that.

It is going to be a long year if the parents wait for the school to have the data they need to call for an evaluation. If the parents, email and ask for a meeting to discuss getting an evaluation then things will go faster. The school is doing what they legally have to do before forcing the issue so that they have the data to prevent a lawsuit if the parents object to testing.

Part of the problem with school today is that parents depend on the school too much when there is something going wrong. The OP knows that there is an issue and does not mention meetings with the teacher and staff to figure out what is going on. I would have called for a conference the first time there was an elopement issue or after the first couple of reports of my kid shutting down. The OP leaves a detailed list of what is happening but never mentions meeting with the school. That is on her.

This. The school may not diagnosis. OP needs to get a psych-evaluation done.

[Anonymous]

^^ if they cannot afford it they need to put a request for a full evaluation in writing to the public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most surprising thing in this thread is how many different posters are casually familiar with the term elopement. How do you all know that? I worked in education for years, including as a para to a kid who ran out of the classroom on a regular basis, and I never once heard the term elopement to mean anything other than a runaway wedding.

I’ve worked in a few schools over the years. That’s been the term in all of them for students leaving the classroom or school.

Not PP. This reminds me of about ten years ago one of my kids (then elementary) was having some behavior. I told the pediatrician the kid was doing "this weird thing that is LIKE running away from home but not actually running away. I do not know what this is." The pediatrician looked at ne like he was ready to mandatory reporter this to CPS, did not answer, and I never brought it up again. Thank you dcurbanmom for educating me WTF this kid was doing! PP is not alone!

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like my kiddo at that age. It was SO HARD. She’s in middle school now and not perfect, but we have a lot of it under control. Meds, therapy, a good IEP, tutors, and adjusting our own expectations a lot. You are not alone and you are not a bad parent.

I just wish I would have trusted my instincts sooner instead of waiting until 4th grade, but the school always said no when I kept asking if we needed to address this formally, and I trusted their professional opinions.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here. I teach kindergarten and elopement isn’t a typical behavior. I might have a student every few years so this and almost all of them have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc. it sometimes might be a trauma response (I’m in a Title 1 school). Our recent elopements are kids with undiagnosed ASD or children raised with zero limits in their home. They do whatever they want, whenever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I teach kindergarten and elopement isn’t a typical behavior. I might have a student every few years so this and almost all of them have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc. it sometimes might be a trauma response (I’m in a Title 1 school). Our recent elopements are kids with undiagnosed ASD or children raised with zero limits in their home. They do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Right. So when a child elopes more than once, you would expect that the school pushes for more support for you and services for the kid. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I teach kindergarten and elopement isn’t a typical behavior. I might have a student every few years so this and almost all of them have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc. it sometimes might be a trauma response (I’m in a Title 1 school). Our recent elopements are kids with undiagnosed ASD or children raised with zero limits in their home. They do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Right. So when a child elopes more than once, you would expect that the school pushes for more support for you and services for the kid. Right?

Different teacher here. It all moves a lot faster and easier if the parents aren’t in denial or “shocked” we think something is amiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I teach kindergarten and elopement isn’t a typical behavior. I might have a student every few years so this and almost all of them have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc. it sometimes might be a trauma response (I’m in a Title 1 school). Our recent elopements are kids with undiagnosed ASD or children raised with zero limits in their home. They do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Right. So when a child elopes more than once, you would expect that the school pushes for more support for you and services for the kid. Right?

Different teacher here. It all moves a lot faster and easier if the parents aren’t in denial or “shocked” we think something is amiss.

And OP isn’t that parent. That said - it is totally normal for parents to be shocked and not understand. This is the first time their kid has been in school often times. It really is on the schools to know how to have these conversations much better than they do. I will never really get over how incredibly poorly the teacher and school handled my DS when his needs were first becoming apparent. It kind of ruined my trust for a very long time.

[Anonymous]

Former charter teacher here.

Here is the thing, if this is a charter school, your child is going to be getting kicked out. Very, very soon.

[Anonymous]

"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have kids if you have diagnosed bipolar disorder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Eloping" is very commonly used in special needs context in schools these days. It's not an obscure term.

It is obscure to many folks outside the medical world and outside of actual school employees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child IS a problem. The school has a while community of kids of educate and your child is creating a problem as they try to do that.

This.