Has anyone else just resigned to being single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being married and having children was very important to me.

I dated a lot and later in life but I am so happy I never gave up after bad relationships.

My husband and children add immense happiness to my life.

I'm not sure how you read the title and the introductory post and thought your reply was a meaningful contribution.

Not sure why you are taking my response to the OP so personally.

It seems to make you very angry to hear about other people’s experiences. And says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

She is pretty sad. This is extreme individualism. Humans need each other, as couples, as family members, as friends and community.

I'm the pp you're trying to neg, and no, having a full social calendar that doesn't include a romantic partnership isn't "extreme individualism" at all. I'm probably way more active in my community than you. I just don't feel a need to have a romantic attachment. Sorry you find that so threatening that you have to try to insult me (didn't work, but you tried it). I have family, friends, and community. It's plenty. Detox from the disneyesque nonlogic of needing a prince/princess to fulfill you and you'll see that it's not a necessary component of a happy life for everyone.

If you need that for you, cool. But please grow into a level of maturity that understands that others can do things differently and be just as happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately, the majority of men are someone's poorly raised idiot son.

Apparently the majority of women are completely screwing up the raising of their children.

Or maybe, if you meet one man who is a poorly raised idiot, the problem was him, but if the majority of men you meet are poorly raised idiots, the problem is you.

I see someone's poorly raised idiot son has entered the chat. If you weren't such a mouth breather, it would occur to you that adult males being such useless wastes of space piss is why their sons continue to be damaged. It wasn't your mom's job to teach you how to be a man.

You need to calm down.

-a woman (and the pp has a point: one is a fluke, but if "the majority" of the men you're attracted to are "someone's poorly raised idiot son", the common factor there is YOU).

Masterful defense. Your reward is having lost valuable minutes of your life. Men don't care about women like you and I certainly don't care either.

You speak for all men now? Maybe instead of arguing on the internet over things you claim to not care about, you should spend 5 quiet minutes taking some deep breaths and remembering where you and your responsibilities stop. Your arrogance is probably a large part of your problem with half the population.

Wow, the truth really hurt you. I guess I hope you're able to heal in time?

I'm not hurt, honey. I have plenty of men in my life who care about me, so your "truth" rings hollow af. But go off on a stranger on the anon board if it makes you feel powerful or smart or... whatever it is you're getting from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Some people just attract others who are dangerous. Maybe they arent pretty or dont have the best character themselves, but if you know this about yourself its better to be single than with someone who has strong odds od cheating and giving you a disease or taking your money or putting you through some emotional or physical abuse or even death. The truth is the pool of men who make safe husbands is much smaller than the pool of women who make safe wives. Marriage takes communication and safety and some men just cant do these things well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people just attract others who are dangerous. Maybe they arent pretty or dont have the best character themselves, but if you know this about yourself its better to be single than with someone who has strong odds od cheating and giving you a disease or taking your money or putting you through some emotional or physical abuse or even death. The truth is the pool of men who make safe husbands is much smaller than the pool of women who make safe wives. Marriage takes communication and safety and some men just cant do these things well.

Men inherently are more aggressive, driven, arrogant. They are testosterone driven: can you imagine as a woman thinking every day who would be your next lay and looking at other gender through sexual prey glasses mostly ? A lot of high achieving men (the most attractive to women) became of who they are due to that aggression and testosterone. So yes, it’s harder to be a woman and navigate through all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being married and having children was very important to me.

I dated a lot and later in life but I am so happy I never gave up after bad relationships.

My husband and children add immense happiness to my life.

I'm not sure how you read the title and the introductory post and thought your reply was a meaningful contribution.

Not sure why you are taking my response to the OP so personally.

It seems to make you very angry to hear about other people’s experiences. And says a lot about you.

Listen now brain no one is jealous or angry .you are not single so your.marriage isn't relevant to this thread.

[Anonymous]

I was married for 24 years. I'm happily divorced. I'm one and done.

You can have a great life not being married. And the smug married women who are not being nice, life can change on a dime. Stop being so judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

I'm the PP. I appreciate your thoughtful response. I think I'm lucky because I've never had the lows after being in love. Some relationships didn't work out romantically for whatever reason but I'm still friends with all but one ex. I also having loving relationships with people outside of my husband (not sexual, but loving), and I love the feeling of loving people and being loved. I do agree with you that someone's presence has to be better than my solitude - I like being alone and I don't spend time on people who don't fill my cup, for lack of a better way to say it. As much as I love my friends, I've always found something special in a romantic love that is different from my other relationships but I appreciate that you feel different and I'm glad you've built a life that you find fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married for 24 years. I'm happily divorced. I'm one and done.

You can have a great life not being married. And the smug married women who are not being nice, life can change on a dime. Stop being so judgmental.

I don't think any married women have been unkind or smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid 30s woman who has never married. At this point I’m not interested in dating. The dating apps are off the phone and if I just live by myself forever and never date again I’m very okay with that. A few male friends seem to be doing this same thing. Anyone else just over it?

I hear you. Many of our friends in their 50s and 60s are divorcing now. The people who are spiraling while dating are those who want to find someone.

Why? I understand not wanting to be alone and I am all for having a good social circle, for finding hobbies and causes, for traveling, for downsizing etc, but inherently why would you tie yourself down? The happiest and healthiest women are the never married gals. And as we are aging ...we all are not depending on our husbands or kids for care for aging. Infact, just the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering, why are you over dating?

I don’t need the financial support and I’m okay with not having kids. I’m also okay not having some deep long term emotional connection with someone at this point. I’m on the precipice of just becoming a middle aged lady anyway.

You are nowhere near middle aged! Not too late at all to have kids.

She might not want a 24 hour- 7 day a week job. I don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being married and having children was very important to me.

I dated a lot and later in life but I am so happy I never gave up after bad relationships.

My husband and children add immense happiness to my life.

I'm not sure how you read the title and the introductory post and thought your reply was a meaningful contribution.

Not sure why you are taking my response to the OP so personally.

It seems to make you very angry to hear about other people’s experiences. And says a lot about you.

Listen now brain no one is jealous or angry .you are not single so your.marriage isn't relevant to this thread.

You’re aware that everyone is single before becoming married, engaged, or in a relationship, right?

Please refer us to the part OPs post where she requested feedback from current singles only. Thanks dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting to me. I'm mid-40's and happily married but I am also great friends with a lot of wonderful men and while I can't imagine life without my husband (and I don't want to!) I also can't imagine being alone forever, especially since I know so many great men, some of whom are married so obviously I am not talking about blowing up someone's marriage, but others are single (divorced). I understand the complexities of relationships, especially if you both have kids, and I'm not saying I'd get married again, but I would definitely enjoy the company of some of my friends if I weren't married. Maybe I'm lucky that I've never been with a dud and am surrounded by great men.

NP here. I am late 40s. Men have only brought misery to my life. Literally the single biggest mistake I ever made was getting married. Most of my friends have similar bad experiences with men. I think you got lucky...I think it is very rare to be surrounded by "great men"--more like giant toddlers who want a uterus, a wallet, a cook, and a maid all in one.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have several friends who never married or had kids and they are amazing. I love my life, which includes loving and being loved by a man and some kids, but if I had to pick a different life, I'd pick the life of my friend who's a master sommelier and has a gorgeous waterfront condo with a whole wall of windows. Or wait, maybe the friend with the incredible huge garden. Or maybe I'd want to be my friend who alternates months between NY and some foreign city. She lives in seven different cities a year! NY - Rio - NY - London - NY - Bangkok, and so on.

I don't have any married-with-kids friends who have that level of freedom and creativity to be themselves. The ability to drop everything, or to put their whole selves into something that interests them. And that's ok! We had different paths. I know my never married/ no kids friends sometimes wish things had gone differently. But they are living their lives and making it look good.

There are so many ways to be a whole person. Don't let any of these ax-grinders tell you what's right for you.