Has anyone else just resigned to being single?

[Anonymous]

I'd love to find a partner but I suspect I'll end up single and that's basically ok. The numbers at my age aren't great - I'm 53 and the older guys are just so old. I typically date slightly younger and that's fine, but there's only so many of them. Guys die younger and there are more gay men than gay women. And a lot of the ones I do meet are emotionally unavailable due to previous marriages or have kids that are young enough that I don't really want to go backwards. My kid graduates high school in less than two years so at this point I'm just focused on her and figuring out my next moves. I know a lot of women in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

This sounds like insecurity and control issues.

[Anonymous]

I think there’s a difference between “over it” and “open to it but not actively seeking it.”

And I think it’s awesome to be happy with your life and not try to be like what we are told to be. And who knows, life is unpredictable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

This sounds like insecurity and control issues.

It’s attachment issues and we all have them.

[Anonymous]

Apparently boyfriends are embarrassing now, anyway. I think husband are more embarrassing actually. Ugh seems like men can’t be counted on the go the distance. Perhaps some women too? But a companion or SO as per your preferences sounds nice. It’s fun to have nice people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid 30s woman who has never married. At this point I’m not interested in dating. The dating apps are off the phone and if I just live by myself forever and never date again I’m very okay with that. A few male friends seem to be doing this same thing. Anyone else just over it?

I'm with you, but for very different reasons. I'm 40, very happily going through a divorce, and determined never to let another man into my life or house. Men are a massive waste of time. The whole time I was married, I felt anything else in the world would have been a better use of my life than dealing with my MIL's poorly raised idiot son. Unfortunately, the majority of men are someone's poorly raised idiot son. My life is worth more. All a man can do for me at this point is provide sex--and it better be good or I'm stopping midstream and showing him the door--and then get lost.

you don't sound like a happy or an emotionally healthy person. hopefully better days are ahead. hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid 30s woman who has never married. At this point I’m not interested in dating. The dating apps are off the phone and if I just live by myself forever and never date again I’m very okay with that. A few male friends seem to be doing this same thing. Anyone else just over it?

I'm with you, but for very different reasons. I'm 40, very happily going through a divorce, and determined never to let another man into my life or house. Men are a massive waste of time. The whole time I was married, I felt anything else in the world would have been a better use of my life than dealing with my MIL's poorly raised idiot son. Unfortunately, the majority of men are someone's poorly raised idiot son. My life is worth more. All a man can do for me at this point is provide sex--and it better be good or I'm stopping midstream and showing him the door--and then get lost.

you don't sound like a happy or an emotionally healthy person. hopefully better days are ahead. hugs!

You're definitely the one to dispense advice about emotional health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

This sounds like insecurity and control issues.

NP. You're projecting. It's ok because we all do it, but try to be more self-aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "resigned" to it. I like being single. I make all the choices, I get what I want, nobody has any standing to have an opinion about how I live my life... Being single is pretty great. I don't get lonely because I have work to do and friends and a hobby (several, actually) that I love. I have pets for generic affection. I've always been able to get myself off just fine, and the thought of having another human around to "provide sex" is disgustingly transactional to me (not judging; you do you/yours however you like, provided it's consensual).

I've been happily single for long enough that it would take a minor miracle for me to ever couple up again. I'm not inherently opposed, but a potential partner's presence has to be better than my solitude. I don't need someone to complete me, or pay for me, or take care of me. I don't want someone who needs to be completed, or carried, or managed. That's a pretty slim window of opportunity. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm good. I'm definitely not looking to give up my solitude to whatever nonsense headgames people are playing on dating apps and the like. I'm old-fashioned, or maybe just old, but OLD isn't for me.

Have you ever had a great romantic relationship? That's the part I would have a hard time living without. I love being in love.

I have, actually. The highs were amazing, but what goes up must come down. Personally, I don't find the comedown worth it. I have friendships and "otherships" (professional associations, volunteering, etc.) that provide a level of connection that maybe doesn't peak as high as a romance, but doesn't bottom out nearly as badly either. The stability is worth it to me.

I don't love being in love. It makes me feel stupid and out of control. I don't like getting drunk or high for the same reason. Not for me. Not gonna neg you if you do; I hope you have a happy love (or many) in a way that you find fulfilling.

This sounds like insecurity and control issues.

This sounds like insecurity and control issues.

[Anonymous]

I married later than most women, at 37. Divorced at 49. The thing is that even with great job, for most women they benefit from joining forces with a man financially. The DMV is a very expensive city and it's difficult to get on the property ladder with only women income as a woman. Maybe that's not the case for people from family money who didn't have student loans and whose parents gave them a down payment. I know that for me, I'd be in a much worse financial position had I not married when I did. It's also the case that without kids, there is an entire world that you are cut off from. I remember coworkers talking about potty training their toddlers and feeling like they lived on another planet. And once I crossed over and became one of them, I realized what all I'd been missing out on all that time. I'm back on the unmarried side now, and I'm content with that. But I don't pretend that I didn't benefit significantly from having been married and had a child with my spouse. Being single due to divorce is a very different life experience than never having been married.