is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't say I'm worried, but it's definitely something I think about. College is where they should have a chance of meeting a future partner, or at least a chance of meeting the kind of lifelong friends who will eventually introduce them to that partner.

This! I will say that it's much easier and better to meet your future person during college or graduate school than in the workplace. I've seen that a thousand times over.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or is that outdated now? it seems much less common than it was, say 30 years ago.
If you are, is it worth making sure their school is the right fit for it and if not, transfer?

Currently have a HS senior interested in big rah rah and greek life...

That's good for them then, because they are already really social and will meet a lot of people. Yes, you should carefully look at the college.

But transfer? That seems extreme. Also, how would you know where to transfer to??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

Was referencing the PP before that. I confirm what you wrote about the amazing female residents. It's extremely difficult for them to find a partner after finishing residency, I've seen this so many times. The work place is bad for dating. Also additional advice for daughters in pre-med and med; it's good to test your potential partner during this time, if they can't handle what you do now, they won't be able to handle the demands on you and your career later. Don't settle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

I don't know about law school but medical school matriculation last year was 56/44 female/male across the board in the US and many male matriculants are married or gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Confirm it's not easy out there for educated young women in a demanding field. Why are your daughters reporting no dating in college?? Are they in the same college? What years? Is it geographical perhaps or field related? I'd be worried, too, except if they are Freshmen, but Juniors/Seniors - I hope they would be dating...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

I don't know about law school but medical school matriculation last year was 56/44 female/male across the board in the US and many male matriculants are married or gay.

Oh wow, that's definitely a change! (Except the married part, that's been quite common. Young men especially are settling too early it seems. I've also seen this play out with many heading toward divorce. If you have sons heading to Medical School, tell them to slow down. They will meet many amazing female med students and residents and they have time.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Confirm it's not easy out there for educated young women in a demanding field. Why are your daughters reporting no dating in college?? Are they in the same college? What years? Is it geographical perhaps or field related? I'd be worried, too, except if they are Freshmen, but Juniors/Seniors - I hope they would be dating...

Different colleges. Boys don't ask girls out or all only pursue the hottest girls. Do you have a college aged daughter? I know so many who have never dated in college despite being lovely, thin, smart, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t worry about my kid finding a spouse in college, but I do worry about how my kids’ choice of college influences who they marry.

We get so anxious on this board over where our kids might go to college, but ultimately that decision is much less important than who your child decides to marry.

But which part of college influences? The institution's? The vibe? The other students? Some of everything?

[Anonymous]

One of my girls married her high school sweetheart and another married a college classmate from an elite LAC far away. Both have been happily married to these great men (who couldn’t be more different from each other) and all four have masters degrees and are very gainfully employed locally. They all were 26 when they got married. I know that’s young by DCUM standards, but that’s because DCUM standards are rigid and ridiculous.

There’s no law that says if you meet someone young or fall in love early you have to chain yourself to the other person or get married immediately and one has to give up a career and everyone has to move away etc. Mature young adults who have faith and confidence in themselves, in their partners, and in their relationships—like our girls and their spouses were—can be wise and flexible and make good decisions without parents worrying or plotting their futures once they leave the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Confirm it's not easy out there for educated young women in a demanding field. Why are your daughters reporting no dating in college?? Are they in the same college? What years? Is it geographical perhaps or field related? I'd be worried, too, except if they are Freshmen, but Juniors/Seniors - I hope they would be dating...

Different colleges. Boys don't ask girls out or all only pursue the hottest girls. Do you have a college aged daughter? I know so many who have never dated in college despite being lovely, thin, smart, etc.

Have daughters, not yet college aged. I totally understand your worry. But would try to understand more about the "whys". What kind of boys are these? Is there another kind, or is this a really small place? The ones who "just pursue the hottest girl" - you don't want those anyway. What year of college are we talking about? Is the college large enough that they haven't found their club or their people yet? Also, girls don't have to wait to be asked out, they can ask out, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the issue: nowadays, most high-caliber women want to wait a while to see what they and a future mate might become. No one wants to marry a non-ambitious dude and regret it.

So, unless your son is heading out to a clear lucrative pathway - medical school, law school, Wall Street followed by business school, etc. - no high-end girl wants to hitch a ride immediately after undergraduate school. If the girl comes from a modest or religious background or is unambitious herself, she might be interested in an engineer or CS dude with a good paying job right out of school.

That’s why graduate school is better - you have a better sense of where you and your potential mate are headed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

Was referencing the PP before that. I confirm what you wrote about the amazing female residents. It's extremely difficult for them to find a partner after finishing residency, I've seen this so many times. The work place is bad for dating. Also additional advice for daughters in pre-med and med; it's good to test your potential partner during this time, if they can't handle what you do now, they won't be able to handle the demands on you and your career later. Don't settle!

It's hard for a female residency grad to find a partner because she probably wants someone with higher income and status. There aren't many of those men and most are fine partnering with a women of lower income and status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer they DO meet spouse at college but hard at big Greek schools. Assume elite schools easier

no, there is next to no dating at elite schools. Two kids at two different top20 schools.

Really? I’m surprised. Assume then Boston colleges, Tufts, BU, Penn, Georgetown would have lots of people coupling off quickly. Is it hook up culture there too?

I'm a professor at one of these schools. I have been invited to many weddings of alums that met in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the issue: nowadays, most high-caliber women want to wait a while to see what they and a future mate might become. No one wants to marry a non-ambitious dude and regret it.

So, unless your son is heading out to a clear lucrative pathway - medical school, law school, Wall Street followed by business school, etc. - no high-end girl wants to hitch a ride immediately after undergraduate school. If the girl comes from a modest or religious background or is unambitious herself, she might be interested in an engineer or CS dude with a good paying job right out of school.

That’s why graduate school is better - you have a better sense of where you and your potential mate are headed.

Do you think grad school will be an option with AI? I'm finding it less likely.

As society becomes more insular because of the internet (look at us right now, spending our time talking to anonymous strangers) then you really only have your high school friends, college friends and work friends to choose a spouse from. College seems to be the best option out of the three.

Also want to echo an earlier writer that it is important that your kids protect their reputations in college. People at elite schools are often connected to other students at elite schools because they went to the same high school or ended up working at the same place. With LinkedIn and FB its all to easy to see who you have in common.