is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

A woman's fertility begins a gradual decline around age 30, with the rate of decline speeding up after age 35. This is because the number and quality of her eggs decrease over time. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any given cycle is about 5%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the concern of kids meeting a partner in college: My peers had 2 waves of marriage. First group was around mid to late 20's after college/grad school and the other wave was late 30's. The latter 30's group were professional woman who struggled to find a partner. These were all smart, beautiful and fun women. It's more difficult outside of school, particularly these days with workplace restrictions on dating due to possible grounds for harassment. We have 3 kids. One met partner in college (married age 28), 1 met a coworker and hid their relationship for 2 years, and 1 is in college and still dating a hs boyfriend long distance. I also have 3 beautiful single nieces age 28-34 that are struggling to meet someone and so frustrated with online dating. Gone are the days of meeting someone at a party, bar or work. Its not easy... Although I am in no rush to have my kids marry, I am aware of the current challenging dating dynamics and limitations outside a school and workplace environment.

The hot guy is either gay, his jewish mom said only jewish girls or they won't pay for college and law school, or fits in both of these

My Jewish ex GF broke up with me after her parents threatened to cut her off if she didn’t date/ marry a Jewish man.

Same thing happened to DD's roommate. Poor girl was lovesick and depressed for whole year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

A woman's fertility begins a gradual decline around age 30, with the rate of decline speeding up after age 35. This is because the number and quality of her eggs decrease over time. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any given cycle is about 5%.

If eggs are frozen before the age of 35, women have a 30–40% chance to conceive when there are 10 eggs available, better odds with frozen embryos.

However, kids aren't the prize they used to be so just get a pet, instead of blowing a fortune on IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

Odds are lower after 35 for nulliparous women compared to women who had previous pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

Odds are lower after 35 for nulliparous women compared to women who had previous pregnancies.

That includes women who have infertility issues and/or their partner does and/or they suffer from miscarriages -- women who would have been unlikely to give birth even before 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

Have fun visiting your grandkids down there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

No, it is you who is spreading information.

And fertility?? Just what are you talking about? I said NOTHING about fertility. You set up that strawman.

The fact remains: extensive research consistently indicates a significant number of women - up to 50% - who reach age 30 without children will not have children in the future. Look it up. This includes women who choose not to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

A woman's fertility begins a gradual decline around age 30, with the rate of decline speeding up after age 35. This is because the number and quality of her eggs decrease over time. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any given cycle is about 5%.

If eggs are frozen before the age of 35, women have a 30–40% chance to conceive when there are 10 eggs available, better odds with frozen embryos.

However, kids aren't the prize they used to be so just get a pet, instead of blowing a fortune on IVF.

I froze my nuts off on a camping trip. Does that improve my fertility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

and is the family MAGA? the fact is there is a higher risk of that in a red state...which is what I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

True.

A woman who waits until 30 only has a 50/50 chance of becoming a mother.

At age 35, her chances drop to 15%

That is absolute nonsense. Fertility myth has been dubunked.

(Second kid at 37, unplanned, one time sex in years. So much research has debunked the fertitilty cliff at 35 that it is not even funny. Even generations ago, women had kids well into their late 30s. Both my grandmothers did. And most women had their last kids in their late 30s.)

No, it is you who is spreading information.

And fertility?? Just what are you talking about? I said NOTHING about fertility. You set up that strawman.

The fact remains: extensive research consistently indicates a significant number of women - up to 50% - who reach age 30 without children will not have children in the future. Look it up. This includes women who choose not to have children.

And it includes couples who would have faced infertility issues before 30.

It's a catch-all number that doesn't consider a variety of factors.

[Anonymous]

I’m not worried about it but I am actually wondering if we’ll see more of a return to finding spouses in college. The young people o know HATE the apps and view them as something for sad millenials or just as a gross hookup thing. Plus the young ones are increasingly disinclined to date people at work since that’s so messy/drama and could let to real issues.
I feel like my teen would be happy to marry his HS girlfriend.
The people I know that married their college or even HS sweetheart aren’t any more likely to be divorced. I think most of the divorces I know were people that married in their 20s. My theory is that if there are problems in your relationship with your HS or college person, there are lots of natural opportunities to break it off and try something new. But people in their 20s tend to move in, to establish shared friend groups, maybe get a pet togetjet, plus start feeling like others they know are getting married …. So there’s a lot of reasons to paper over problems in a relationship. Plus people can be working a lot then and just not have the time spent together to realize that there are significant compatibility problems.

[Anonymous]

I hope my kids don’t get married until they’re in their 30s.