is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

Was referencing the PP before that. I confirm what you wrote about the amazing female residents. It's extremely difficult for them to find a partner after finishing residency, I've seen this so many times. The work place is bad for dating. Also additional advice for daughters in pre-med and med; it's good to test your potential partner during this time, if they can't handle what you do now, they won't be able to handle the demands on you and your career later. Don't settle!

Most find their partner in med school then match together. Others meet a match in residency.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I prefer they DO meet spouse at college but hard at big Greek schools. Assume elite schools easier

no, there is next to no dating at elite schools. Two kids at two different top20 schools.

Really? I’m surprised. Assume then Boston colleges, Tufts, BU, Penn, Georgetown would have lots of people coupling off quickly. Is it hook up culture there too?

I'm a professor at one of these schools. I have been invited to many weddings of alums that met in college.

Really? Is it more common at northeast colleges? Wondering if we should look at those instead of southern state schools? Is that more important than weather, sports, Greek life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer they DO meet spouse at college but hard at big Greek schools. Assume elite schools easier

no, there is next to no dating at elite schools. Two kids at two different top20 schools.

Really? I’m surprised. Assume then Boston colleges, Tufts, BU, Penn, Georgetown would have lots of people coupling off quickly. Is it hook up culture there too?

I'm a professor at one of these schools. I have been invited to many weddings of alums that met in college.

Which school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone that met their spouse in undergrad. Everyone i know met them in grad school or work.

+1 and most couples I met as undergrads are divorced.

Similar, though the ones I know who haven't divorced had one key thing in common; they dated for several years after college before marrying. The ones who got married a month after graduation? Those were all short lived marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone that met their spouse in undergrad. Everyone i know met them in grad school or work.

+1 and most couples I met as undergrads are divorced.

Similar, though the ones I know who haven't divorced had one key thing in common; they dated for several years after college before marrying. The ones who got married a month after graduation? Those were all short lived marriages.

We’ve seen the exact opposite in our friend group. The divorced ones are the exception and nearly all of us met in undergrad.

[Anonymous]

The primary concern for us was go to a good college, do well enough to have great options post grad. Having said that DC did meet their current SO and they’ve been dating for a couple years. They are well matched in personality intellect and ambition and honestly similar SES as well - and they have a supportive group of friends. So it has been an added perk I guess of going to a decent school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The primary concern for us was go to a good college, do well enough to have great options post grad. Having said that DC did meet their current SO and they’ve been dating for a couple years. They are well matched in personality intellect and ambition and honestly similar SES as well - and they have a supportive group of friends. So it has been an added perk I guess of going to a decent school.

What school?

[Anonymous]

Ivy League grad here and I met my spouse (from a different school) through friends in college.

The choice of your spouse is probably the most important decision you will make in life. Assortative mating is the rule for people in the upper and upper middle classes.

Putting your child in a position to meet appropriate spousal material is absolutely a top consideration in choosing a college.

If you are not thinking about the backgrounds, abilities, and socioeconomic characteristics of your child’s peer group in college, then you are a fool.

[Anonymous]

I know lots of couples who went to the same college but didn’t start dating until after college. For one couple, they ended up at the same grad school and stared dating then. They had actually hooked up in college! Another couple started dating after chatting at their 5th reunion. Another couple were cube mates at their first job out of college. A few didn’t overlap at all (more than 4 years apart in age) but met each other through alumni networks.
So, don’t despair, it can still happen even if they graduate without a serious signifiant other.

[Anonymous]

I'm not concerned with my DC finding a spouse b/c I think they are too young. I am concerned about by DC getting a chance to date. The report so far is that guys don't talk to girls or they are already committed to someone from their hometown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im actually more worried that they won't. I have two college aged daughters and there is essentially no dating in college per their reports. And a family member who teaches at a medical school and residency in a female dominated speciality says that it's noticeable that year-in and year-out that the female medical students and residents don't date as they have a really hard time meeting eligible and educated men.

I wouldn't breathe a word of this to my daughters but it doesn't seem particularly easy out here.

Young women out number men in both Law and Medical school and just college in general.

Yes, and many of the male medical students arrive married out of college. It's noticeable.

And the issue is amplified by the fact that the straight males in these programs are in the minority to begin with. Yes, it's a worry of mine for my DD's (not for my DS's).

My brother (gay male) has been the head of a large residency program for almost 20 years and is a mentor and friend to the residents. He watches this play out year over year. An abundance of amazing female residency grads, lots of dating frustration as they find themselves age 29, finally ready to date and unable to find any men who are remotely at their educational or professional level. His advice to me (I have daughters) was to encourage them to actively pursue dating along the way (college, 20s, etc) if finding a male partner is a goal.

Straight males are in the minority in law school and medical school? Not my experience at all but it may have changed.

Was referencing the PP before that. I confirm what you wrote about the amazing female residents. It's extremely difficult for them to find a partner after finishing residency, I've seen this so many times. The work place is bad for dating. Also additional advice for daughters in pre-med and med; it's good to test your potential partner during this time, if they can't handle what you do now, they won't be able to handle the demands on you and your career later. Don't settle!

Most find their partner in med school then match together. Others meet a match in residency.

Just FYI: It is incredibly difficult, to match together, and severely limits your choices depending on competitiveness of specialty (and also varying from year to year with some unpredictability). Highly recommend against this as a plan. However, I know several couples who managed apart (as bf, gf) during residency, and still happily married now well over a decade later. It’s a good test; if they’d become seriously interested in someone else, it would have happened sooner or later, and was not meant to be. Also know those who did not go through the match the same year or had met much earlier or later.

[Anonymous]

Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely think about this. College is a great time to meet a future spouse.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a senior at a southern school and seemingly is in a very serious relationship. I doubt he will come home after college.

But this isn’t any different than what my husband and I did when we met senior year.

I’m trying not to worry about it. My kid has a good head on his shoulders.

[Anonymous]

I think young men have an easier time than women, simply because there are more women at most universities.