“Family money” becoming more important in dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People marry like-minded people. UMC marry
UMC. UC marry UC. Middle class marry middle class. Wealthy marry wealthy.

Maybe if you're old. My umc married who she loved at 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset if my kids decided to marry too far down. I don't want them to make their life unnecessarily difficult. I plan will give my kids a substantial downpayment, help with childcare, college tuition for grandkids, and leave an inheritance. I hope that their in-laws can contribute as well.

You are my parents. DH’s parents have nothing for retirement and are a financial burden, as is one of his siblings. It wipes out our income discrepancies after you net out his outflows. My parents have also had to be more strategic about gifting and estate planning - their goal was never ever to effectively transfer to another family. Instead of cash gifts, they buy things we don't need but are nice to have, spoil my kids, pay for vacations, have a generation skipping trust that takes the burden off leaving a big estate myself, and I'm the one who owns and manages their 529 plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

It’s not hard to verify someone’s past if you’re willing to dig—there are professional background check services that can uncover those details for a fee.

A background check service has the ability to know what kind of strange I pulled at a random Tuesday in college? Seems doubtful.

You will be surprised what people posted on social media these days.

It might surprise you how most wealthy kids are raised to be private.

[Anonymous]

Our kid just told her boyfriend not to even think about proposing until he has paid off his student loans. She’s like “I want to marry you, but not your debt.” Makes sense to me,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People marry like-minded people. UMC marry
UMC. UC marry UC. Middle class marry middle class. Wealthy marry wealthy.

Maybe if you're old. My umc married who she loved at 19.

That's a great way to the poor house. Some of us raise our kids to value financial stability in the same way they value physical health and religious family values.

[Anonymous]

You do not need a lot of money. Two GS-13 Feds with 270K/yr in HHI can be happy with each other. I'll take that over 3M/yr in HHI and be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Tell me you don’t have family money without telling me.

Your daughter will never ever have any of the principal of that family money, although she might get to live on some of the annual income. Her kids would though, if they stay married until death, which is unlikely when one person is moneyed and the other person is not and the moneyed person will keep the money if the marriage ends.

Also, moneyed people don’t talk about family money unless the other person also has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do not need a lot of money. Two GS-13 Feds with 270K/yr in HHI can be happy with each other. I'll take that over 3M/yr in HHI and be miserable.

Why do you think those are the only options? 3M/yr and happy is equally likely to 270k/yr and miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid just told her boyfriend not to even think about proposing until he has paid off his student loans. She’s like “I want to marry you, but not your debt.” Makes sense to me,

Depending on the size of the loan she may have to wait many years. Two of my children married doctors with school loans. The loans have both been paid off but it took many years. Does your daughter feel the same way about car loans or a mortgage?

[Anonymous]

When my daughter graduated from college friend of mine said "Guys will be all over her because she has a PhD. I said she only has a BA. He said "PhD stands for Pop has dough!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly , the COL is going way up, it’s really hard to buy a house and replicate a UMC lifestyle. The people who can do it while working regular jobs in a big city have family money: cover house down payment, no burdensome student loans, maybe inherit someone’s car etc

In this case we aren't talking about serious family money. We are just talking about the kids coming from stable boomer families that saved.

I think it comes down to the issue of, there are two types of families out there: are your own parents likely to be financially supporting the younger generation (or at least financially neutral)? Or is the younger generation likely to be financially supporting their own parents and older relatives? People don’t want to have a mismatch on that front. And if you grew up in a family where the grandparents lived alone and did fine living off a pension, investments, and social security, and didn’t expect financial support from their adult children … it would be super hard to suddenly realize that you have to send money to grandma because she never saved for retirement when you’d rather be paying for your kids swim lessons and a vacation trip to Yosemite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently discussed this topic with my 24-year-old son and 23-year-old daughter, and here’s what they shared:

Daughter’s Perspective:
*"When it comes to dating, I look for three key qualities in a guy I’m already attracted to:

Kindness;

A good sense of humor;

The ability to build a stable future.
He doesn’t need to be successful right away—as long as he has a clear plan to get there."*

Son’s Perspective:
*"For me, two things matter most in a woman I’m already interested in:

A limited relationship history (ideally fewer than two past partners);

Someone who supports my goals and vision to secure long-term stability."*

What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

Believe it or not there are women who don't think real life is represented by SATC.
And I don't think he is insecure to look towards a partner who takes relationships seriously. One does not have to be 35+ to finally value the people he/she chooses to spend time with.

You clearly hang out with a very different type of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

[Anonymous]

With college loan debt crippling people in their 20/30s I think it’s wise to have some financial sense and awareness of debt going into a marriage. I don’t consider my family to have family money, but our kids will graduate debt free from college and we will help with a house down payment. That makes like so much easier when kids are establishing themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

There are hardly any adults with two married parents anymore.

Most adults in my family, friends and acquaintances. Its still extremely common, specially among educated upperclass, non alcoholic couples.

Also some culturals groups. We are immigrants and I did not know a single person who was divorced, growing up.