“Family money” becoming more important in dating

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have heard my kids talk about money. We are 1st gen immigrant. Came with nothing. No generational wealth in this country, no support system. We are now UMC and have always been white collar.

My gen-Z kids are super aware about money. And they are very grateful of what we have been able to provide them, even if we are not super wealthy. My kids do behave like starving artists. They do not have expensive taste. But they don't stand out because none of their friends have expensive tastes either.

I think, the way America is declining - their generation may be the generation that will want their parents hoarded stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have heard my kids talk about money. We are 1st gen immigrant. Came with nothing. No generational wealth in this country, no support system. We are now UMC and have always been white collar.

My gen-Z kids are super aware about money. And they are very grateful of what we have been able to provide them, even if we are not super wealthy. My kids do behave like starving artists. They do not have expensive taste. But they don't stand out because none of their friends have expensive tastes either.

I think, the way America is declining - their generation may be the generation that will want their parents hoarded stuff.

Rich and intelligent families have always passed down things and property to kids and created generational wealth.

Low IQ and frivolent spenders never had much anything of value to pass on because they squandered it.

[Anonymous]

As our children have gotten older, now well into their 30’s, they have come to realize that there is real family money. They are all well established and successful on their own (yes, no college debt helped) so they have earned the right to know what is on the horizon. Their spouses knew we had a nice home and lived comfortably when they were dating but I’m sure they are surprised as well. When you’re dating it’s nice if the family is successful because it usually is a sign of being well educated and hard working and those are good traits. Of course, some people just inherited a ton of money but they are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

Who cares.

Anyone “with family money” has it in trusts for each adult kid so while yes, you’re marrying someone with money, it will be their trust buying the house, paying for future kids private school tuitions, and paying for any eventual divorce.

The spouse won’t get jack from any “family money,” only whatever income they both generate during the marriage.

It’s actually quite fair.

No one with “family money” wants their son or daughter marrying a greedy idiot and taking the hard-earned and saved “family money.”

This.

“Family money” could be tens of millions per adult child or grandchild, or it could be the inheritance is in a smaller trust one can tap into whilst the successfully saving/investing parents are still alive.

Either way, don’t plan on not having a job or someone else’s parents paying your way 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

Who cares.

Anyone “with family money” has it in trusts for each adult kid so while yes, you’re marrying someone with money, it will be their trust buying the house, paying for future kids private school tuitions, and paying for any eventual divorce.

The spouse won’t get jack from any “family money,” only whatever income they both generate during the marriage.

It’s actually quite fair.

No one with “family money” wants their son or daughter marrying a greedy idiot and taking the hard-earned and saved “family money.”

This.

“Family money” could be tens of millions per adult child or grandchild, or it could be the inheritance is in a smaller trust one can tap into whilst the successfully saving/investing parents are still alive.

Either way, don’t plan on not having a job or someone else’s parents paying your way 24/7.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have heard my kids talk about money. We are 1st gen immigrant. Came with nothing. No generational wealth in this country, no support system. We are now UMC and have always been white collar.

My gen-Z kids are super aware about money. And they are very grateful of what we have been able to provide them, even if we are not super wealthy. My kids do behave like starving artists. They do not have expensive taste. But they don't stand out because none of their friends have expensive tastes either.

I think, the way America is declining - their generation may be the generation that will want their parents hoarded stuff.

Woman here. Ahh so that is why Gen x lets Gen z daughters frolic in public wearing next to nothing scraps of clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have heard my kids talk about money. We are 1st gen immigrant. Came with nothing. No generational wealth in this country, no support system. We are now UMC and have always been white collar.

My gen-Z kids are super aware about money. And they are very grateful of what we have been able to provide them, even if we are not super wealthy. My kids do behave like starving artists. They do not have expensive taste. But they don't stand out because none of their friends have expensive tastes either.

I think, the way America is declining - their generation may be the generation that will want their parents hoarded stuff.

Woman here. Ahh so that is why Gen x lets Gen z daughters frolic in public wearing next to nothing scraps of clothing.

Huh? Are you ok? Run along and go take your meds. No skipping your daily dose. Ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With college loan debt crippling people in their 20/30s I think it’s wise to have some financial sense and awareness of debt going into a marriage. I don’t consider my family to have family money, but our kids will graduate debt free from college and we will help with a house down payment. That makes like so much easier when kids are establishing themselves.

I hope to talk to my kids when they get older about screening potential partners for (1) too much student loan debt, and (2) the financial stability of the parents. I don't want my kids to take on another family's debt or the cost of their elder care since we've sacrificed so much to get them through school debt-free, and we have saved enough never to become their financial burden. I would hate for that to become all undone by a poor choice in partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

Usually, yes. In my case I was his financial beard. He liked to live a lifestyle he couldn’t afford without my daddy’s money- which he both coveted and deeply resented. I kept that fact discreetly from friends and outsiders till the divorce, when it became obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

Usually, yes. In my case I was his financial beard. He liked to live a lifestyle he couldn’t afford without my daddy’s money- which he both coveted and deeply resented. I kept that fact discreetly from friends and outsiders till the divorce, when it became obvious.

Similar for me. My parents gave us some gifts, but it was always gracious and unexpected; even their trust is revocable and doesn't include current distributions, so none of their money belonged to me or our marriage, but my ex was crazy angry when we got divorced that daddy's money wasn't a factor in our settlement. He wanted my parents' wealth to be a reason why he should keep almost all of our marital assets and not pay any child support even though he also doesn't have parenting time because he moved away. Ultimately, he doesn't pay child support because I don't enforce it, but for years, he was so horrible to me and used whatever time he had with our kids to hurt them as a proxy to hurting me because our divorce settlement ended up a 50/50 split (and I have always worked and contributed). So ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

Usually, yes. In my case I was his financial beard. He liked to live a lifestyle he couldn’t afford without my daddy’s money- which he both coveted and deeply resented. I kept that fact discreetly from friends and outsiders till the divorce, when it became obvious.

Similar for me. My parents gave us some gifts, but it was always gracious and unexpected; even their trust is revocable and doesn't include current distributions, so none of their money belonged to me or our marriage, but my ex was crazy angry when we got divorced that daddy's money wasn't a factor in our settlement. He wanted my parents' wealth to be a reason why he should keep almost all of our marital assets and not pay any child support even though he also doesn't have parenting time because he moved away. Ultimately, he doesn't pay child support because I don't enforce it, but for years, he was so horrible to me and used whatever time he had with our kids to hurt them as a proxy to hurting me because our divorce settlement ended up a 50/50 split (and I have always worked and contributed). So ugly.

Can you both stop saying “daddy’s money”? Doesn’t help your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

Usually, yes. In my case I was his financial beard. He liked to live a lifestyle he couldn’t afford without my daddy’s money- which he both coveted and deeply resented. I kept that fact discreetly from friends and outsiders till the divorce, when it became obvious.

Similar for me. My parents gave us some gifts, but it was always gracious and unexpected; even their trust is revocable and doesn't include current distributions, so none of their money belonged to me or our marriage, but my ex was crazy angry when we got divorced that daddy's money wasn't a factor in our settlement. He wanted my parents' wealth to be a reason why he should keep almost all of our marital assets and not pay any child support even though he also doesn't have parenting time because he moved away. Ultimately, he doesn't pay child support because I don't enforce it, but for years, he was so horrible to me and used whatever time he had with our kids to hurt them as a proxy to hurting me because our divorce settlement ended up a 50/50 split (and I have always worked and contributed). So ugly.

Can you both stop saying “daddy’s money”? Doesn’t help your case.

I think it is the case that male gold diggers exist and are angry when they learn that they can't access their spouse's family money in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

OTOH, I think it's really messed up when the low earning spouse gets a large inheritance and chooses to keep it as her personal property, then divorces and claims she needs alimony to maintain her standard of living. In that situation, "family money" should be a factor in the divorce settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband is looking for a new beard, since my family money is no longer his. If alcoholic middle aged traveling salesmen are your shtick I’ve got a real live prospective leech for you. He will be mean to you while he resents you.

"Beard" usually implies that he's gay and you, the wife, are covering up for that secrecy. Like a beard covering the face.

Usually, yes. In my case I was his financial beard. He liked to live a lifestyle he couldn’t afford without my daddy’s money- which he both coveted and deeply resented. I kept that fact discreetly from friends and outsiders till the divorce, when it became obvious.

Similar for me. My parents gave us some gifts, but it was always gracious and unexpected; even their trust is revocable and doesn't include current distributions, so none of their money belonged to me or our marriage, but my ex was crazy angry when we got divorced that daddy's money wasn't a factor in our settlement. He wanted my parents' wealth to be a reason why he should keep almost all of our marital assets and not pay any child support even though he also doesn't have parenting time because he moved away. Ultimately, he doesn't pay child support because I don't enforce it, but for years, he was so horrible to me and used whatever time he had with our kids to hurt them as a proxy to hurting me because our divorce settlement ended up a 50/50 split (and I have always worked and contributed). So ugly.

Can you both stop saying “daddy’s money”? Doesn’t help your case.

1. Just owning the phrase people on her will use to mock us.
2. I’m not making a case I’m having a discussion related to my experiences with the topic.

[Anonymous]

3. It’s what my ex still calls it. Like when he verbally abuses the kids with statements like “I have to work for what I get and you’re on a free ride go ask your rich mommy or rich grandpop for a porch” kind of stuff. He still is bitter my “daddy’s money” isn’t his.