“Family money” becoming more important in dating

[Anonymous]

I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

[Anonymous]

What goes around comes around. How many thousand books have been written about the American heiresses marrying land-rich/cash-poor English aristos?

[Anonymous]

Same with generation and my parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

"MRS degree". Before Gen Z that was the majority of women's college degrees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

"MRS degree". Before Gen Z that was the majority of women's college degrees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

There are hardly any adults with two married parents anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

There are hardly any adults with two married parents anymore.

DP. Of course there are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

"MRS degree". Before Gen Z that was the majority of women's college degrees

I guess. She has a graduate level degree from a well known school too, and cool job. But, his family money eclipses anything she will ever accomplish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently discussed this topic with my 24-year-old son and 23-year-old daughter, and here’s what they shared:

Daughter’s Perspective:
*"When it comes to dating, I look for three key qualities in a guy I’m already attracted to:

Kindness;

A good sense of humor;

The ability to build a stable future.
He doesn’t need to be successful right away—as long as he has a clear plan to get there."*

Son’s Perspective:
*"For me, two things matter most in a woman I’m already interested in:

A limited relationship history (ideally fewer than two past partners);

Someone who supports my goals and vision to secure long-term stability."*

What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

[Anonymous]

At the very least, I hope my kids marry someone whose parents have saved enough for retirement. We support my in-laws, and it's a strain on our marriage as it limits what we can do for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

Which school did she go to (and/or consider)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

There are hardly any adults with two married parents anymore.

Most adults in my family, friends and acquaintances. Its still extremely common, specially among educated upperclass, non alcoholic couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

OP here - yes, I’ve heard this also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

This along w dating someone who doesn’t have a ton of siblings “ to deal with”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

Not from my kids, but I have heard it from a few people I know.

I have friends who are from Modern Orthodox or Conservative Jewish families. Their children have dated other young people whose parents want to make sure that there is money to buy an apartment in Israel if the young couple marry and decide to immigrate there. They also want to make sure that any grandkids could go to Jewish day school if they stay in the U.S.

On the other hand, I have friends who (like DH and I) are from families that often have to scrape together money to bury someone. I’ve had a few friends have to take in in-laws who are homeless after skyrocketing rents or losing a house to unpaid taxes. They don’t want their kids marrying into a situation like that.