“Family money” becoming more important in dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imo finding someone with no debt, some ambition, financial sense and a good career trajectory has a way better outcome than marrying someone upper middle class. Unless someone is really wealthy, it doesn't benefit your life much. Better to stay in similar financial level so lifestyles are similar.

This plus similar family values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

It’s not hard to verify someone’s past if you’re willing to dig—there are professional background check services that can uncover those details for a fee.

A background check service has the ability to know what kind of strange I pulled at a random Tuesday in college? Seems doubtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

It’s not hard to verify someone’s past if you’re willing to dig—there are professional background check services that can uncover those details for a fee.

A background check service has the ability to know what kind of strange I pulled at a random Tuesday in college? Seems doubtful.

Agree-thank god. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I've heard the importance of dating someone with two married parents though. They're much more focused on it than my generation was.

I'm 44 and I focused on this, because I have divorced parents and it's a giant pain. I think the focus is on avoiding anyone with a difficult family situation. Married parents can be difficult in other ways. And if someone's parent has passed away that doesn't make them a bad choice, because you don't have to hassle with divorced senior citizens in that scenario.

PP here. A widowed parent is not looked down upon like a divorced parent.

I’ve seen quite a few engaged couples smugly comment that they and their betrothed came non-divorced parents only to end up divorced.

Does this divorce stigma apply if the divorced parents are still very wealthy?

Yes, because it's still a pain to have divorced parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These people marry each other.

+1
And I tell my kids to find their equal (in every way, including financial, intellectual, spiritual, athletic, aesthetic,, etc)

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

It’s not hard to verify someone’s past if you’re willing to dig—there are professional background check services that can uncover those details for a fee.

A background check service has the ability to know what kind of strange I pulled at a random Tuesday in college? Seems doubtful.

You will be surprised what people posted on social media these days.

[Anonymous]

People marry like-minded people. UMC marry
UMC. UC marry UC. Middle class marry middle class. Wealthy marry wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

Who cares.

Anyone “with family money” has it in trusts for each adult kid so while yes, you’re marrying someone with money, it will be their trust buying the house, paying for future kids private school tuitions, and paying for any eventual divorce.

The spouse won’t get jack from any “family money,” only whatever income they both generate during the marriage.

It’s actually quite fair.

No one with “family money” wants their son or daughter marrying a greedy idiot and taking the hard-earned and saved “family money.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

It was a thing for sure where I lived (Texas and DC.)

Was it because no one with family money would try hard to get a baller high income job?

Thats definitely a problem. You can get really shackled on annual distributions from oil & gas grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s but hearing from my daughter and her friends, it seems gen z is more cognizant of “family money” when dating?

I hear from her about her friends talking about prospects and she says young gen z men also make it a point to know if a young woman is coming from “family money” or not.

I grew up mc/umc (friend group was all parents who were engineers, attorneys, primary care physicians) but not “old money”/high finance/biglaw/“movers and shakers” and none of my friends thought if someone came from generational wealth when we were dating.

Are you also hearing this from your children?

No, not hearing this from my kids. One son w/ PhD and making big $ is dating a girl with significantly different background. They want to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (millennial) heard it when I was a kid from a wealthy friend (like, she might have had a $1-3m trust, not crazy wealthy, but would never have to stress about money). When we were applying for college, she talked about how college was the best time to meet your future partner, and you need to go somewhere with the "right" student body. She married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Her sister also married very well. It was bred into them to do so, and it's nothing new.

That sounds like very SEC school sorority and fraternity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, I hope my kids marry someone whose parents have saved enough for retirement. We support my in-laws, and it's a strain on our marriage as it limits what we can do for our kids.

Yuck

[Anonymous]

I would be upset if my kids decided to marry too far down. I don't want them to make their life unnecessarily difficult. I plan will give my kids a substantial downpayment, help with childcare, college tuition for grandkids, and leave an inheritance. I hope that their in-laws can contribute as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset if my kids decided to marry too far down. I don't want them to make their life unnecessarily difficult. I plan will give my kids a substantial downpayment, help with childcare, college tuition for grandkids, and leave an inheritance. I hope that their in-laws can contribute as well.

Same

No deadweight spouses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "partner"?

How many relationships has your son had?

Dude is ready for a crash out when he finds out his wife slept with a dozen guys before they met but didn't tell him because of his insecurity.

It’s not hard to verify someone’s past if you’re willing to dig—there are professional background check services that can uncover those details for a fee.

Uh, no. No photos, no posting on SM - that for people who make money that way or for wantabees - not actual rich people. This was lesson #1 when my oldest got a phone.